“I’d always seen you being cheerful and communicative for the last so many months, but for the last few days, you are not so,” said Rupali, the young nurse attending to my terminally ill wife at the care-centre. “Well, I’ve been under some stress,” I answered with a forced smile on my face. “No sir, whatever your sufferings might be, you must remain what you have been, a source of inspiration to all others at this centre.”
Driving back home, I was thinking about her simple words that exuded wisdom. Rupali would be just in her early twenties.
Thereafter, over the last few months, I have followed her advice and it has made a lot of difference. My cheerfulness makes the visits less agonising and painful. In addition, I am greeted by many smiling faces.
This positive incident made me reflect on my past and recollect the pearls of wisdom that have come to me at different points of time over the years.
The first one came when I was at school, in my teens. One day our Hindi teacher had said, “All those who are good at poetry recitation, raise your hands.” When only one student raised the hand, the teacher, pointing to three others including me, said, “Don’t be shy. Let others also enjoy your talent. Of course, never brag about it.”
I was in my early twenties and had just joined a company after my engineering course. Soon I got selection letters from two government organisations including the Indian Air Force. Unable to decide what to do, I approached my father. His simple advice was, “You consult as many people as you wish, but then you take your own decision.” When asked why, he said: “No one is ever happy all the time. So at a later stage, when unhappiness sets in, you should not blame anyone else for your being there in that job.”
The next piece of wisdom was handed over to me by a professor when I was in my thirties and doing my post-graduation. He had said: “No question is ever stupid, the answer can be. If you don’t know the answer, don’t discourage the other person. Try to find the answer. You would turn out to be wiser.”
My mother-in-law was a difficult woman who hardly ever did well to anyone, nor ever spoke good words about anyone including me. So whenever there was any talk about someone not good, I used to drag her into the picture. Then one day, when I was in my late-forties, my son gave me a gem of advice when he asked me: “Why do you keep flogging a dead horse? Does it give you any pleasure? Why do you carry the unwanted baggage, drop is papa.” From that day onwards, I haven’t talked about her and there has been some added peace of mind!
As a professor, I used to guide five students every year with their thesis work, and they used to be from amongst the best in the class, as I used to think they could meet the needed rigour. Then one day as I refused a not-so-good student, he asked, “Sir, why do you think a bad student can’t come up good under your guidance? Has any student failed your expectations?” I took him under my wing and he did extremely well. Ever since I have been wiser and none of the mediocre students has ever disappointed me. This incident happened when I was in my fifties. And recently when Rupali, the nurse, gave me the piece of wisdom, I was already in my late-sixties.
In picking up one incident for each decade that constituted good advice and was instrumental in shaping my life, I noticed that as I have myself aged, the age of the person giving me the gems of advice has been coming down. At this rate, the next piece of wisdom to be handed down to me a few years later when I enter my seventies would, in all probability, be from my grandson. He is currently around ten!
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