IIFA Awards and freedom of speech: Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor show how not to give a damn

Whoever thought that IIFA would act as a platform for freedom of speech and a commentary against censorship? But this year’s IIFA awards did just that. Okay, granted it’s nothing as momentous as when Hollywood took on McCarthyism. But Bollywood is famous for never wanting to upset any government which is in power at the time. And Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor, who were the Energiser bunny hosts of IIFA 2015, are unlikely heroes for freedom of speech. (You can almost imagine Dev Anand and Kishore Kumar’s ashes swirling in shock in the Ganga, as I write this.) But heroes they were.

Now I hadn’t held out much hope for the IIFA awards, having suffered through many of these over many years. It’s the same old jambalaya – hosts will crack jokes, if it’s SRK or Karan Johar or Saif or Farhan, they’ll be a little snarky and mean, then there’ll be lots of dance numbers and awards handed out to the most shocking of films and actors. And all this is usually spread out over three and a half unending hours, sprinkled with dance numbers.

Even though, Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor remind me of Harold and Kumar or Cheech and Chong on a bad day, who knew that they’d kick off the awards by immediately addressing the much AIB Roast brouhaha, which had led to us, as a nation, realising that people are more offended by a roast (which by definition isn’t known for politically correct or even genteel humour) than by politicians telling us that rapes are small matters and that “homos are genetically handicapped”.

It was impressive enough that the opening number had Rakhee Sawant in it, instead of one of the A-list actresses. The boys followed that up by making fun of their own flop films to admitting how they were truly partners in crime because there’s a joint FIR in their names thanks to the AIB roast. They promised that they’ll never make fun of Reema Lagoo or Farida Jalal since it upsets Aamir Khan so much. They also, in all seriousness, commented on how Aamir wasn’t a purush, he was a maha purush.

The good times of cocking a snook at censors of free speech, didn’t last long though. The awards soon deteriorated into dance after endless dance, and prizes for films like Kick. But thankfully Ranveer and Arjun soon came back with a song about their AIB experience, with these lyrics:

Ab jabhi kisi ko kuch bolne jaate hai Woh bolte hai STOP THAT Bollywood mein aayein thein barein sapne leke Socha tha milke khoob dhoom machayenge Par ek din hum ne dedi gaali Sab ne bola kaun hai yeh saale mawaali Aamir ne utaari hamari chaddi Politicians ne todi haddi. Hum dono ki lag gayi waat Aaj se no more gandi baat Freedom of speech hai sabki “haq”, But censor board kahein, you can’t say “f***”.

And that’s how you dropkick and say you don’t give a damn to humourless people who want to clamp down on free speech. You don’t need to be sanctimonious and play the victim. You can actually make the point with far more punch by being funny and using an internationally watched show to express what you feel about the sad state of affairs when it comes to free speech in the country. Where everything offends us, other than the things that really should, such as people inciting communal violence and hatred or saying they’ll rape people who don’t agree with them. So, more power to the boys and long live freedom of speech.

Now to the more serious business of the prolonged ceremony. The only other silver lining in the 3½ hours of unending “merriment”, was that it was refreshing to see the new breed of actors proudly acknowledge their relationships instead of pretending that they’re all Virgin Marys and Bal Brahmacharis. Ranveer singh flirted through the duration of the awards with Deepika. A joke was cracked on Anushka dating Virat Kohli, which Anushka beamed at. References were made to Arjun Kapoor’s relationship with Sonakshi Sinha, which she sportingly kept laughing at as well.

The jokes honestly weren’t half-bad (or maybe my threshold of pain has increased) and there were even some funny ones. For example the anchors apologised to Malaysia, where the IIFAs were held this year, for shooting the horrible Roy in their country. And when they said that Emraan Hashmi is Mr X and Shahid Kapoor is everyone’s ex. There were also the usual staples, like Sonu Sood taking off his shirt yet again – I really don’t know why he even wears a shirt to each awards function, if he’s going to strip each time.

Each IIFA leaves me with some questions, though, which I never seem to find answers to. This time around also, there are some new mysteries of the IIFA which I’m hoping the universe will answer.

Most importantly, does Hrithik Roshan have any bones in his body? I don’t know any man who can move like that at the age of 21, let alone any who is moving that way at 41.

Why had Neha Dhupia come to the awards ceremony wrapped up in a heavily starched white hospital bedsheet?

Why did Madhavan look like he was smelling a fart through the duration of the awards?

Am I the only one who thought Kay Kay Menon has started looking like the new and improved Chitrangada Singh’s doppelgänger?

And finally, what is Viveik Oberoi still doing there? Or is he actually a seat-filler when actors go up to dance or accept awards?

Disclaimer: Colors is a part of Viacom 18, which is part of Network18 which also owns Firstpost.