'I didn't believe in medication' - Panesar

Monty Panesar has said that he had to overcome a reluctance to take medication to help deal with his mental illness.

Panesar, who has 167 wickets from 50 Tests and recently made a comeback for Northamptonshire, his first first-class match since August last year after which he was released by Essex, has opened up about his battle to deal with anxiety and paranoia.

"I went on medication and it calmed a lot of things down in my mind and it took away the symptoms of being paranoid," Panesar said. "I didn't believe in medication. I have been brought up to say medication isn't good for you. There are always side effects to every medication you take.

"I would take it for a couple of days and then not take it. I eventually got into a place where I would take it on a regular basis. The people who were helping me did see a change in me. They said to me it would it take three to six months to get back to where I need to be.

"When I first started on the medication I was a lot more patient with myself. You want things to happen very quickly, you want things to improve quickly but you have got to be kind to yourself.

"You have got to take one step at a time and be patient with the whole process and eventually have the faith that things will get better."

He has also spoken about how his behaviour was affected, leading to outbursts against fellow players - opposition and team-mates - as well as umpires before he realised he needed help. He has previously said how he felt people were "out to get me".

"I felt I had low self-esteem and, especially when my confidence went low, I would get into a place of paranoia. Instead of being quiet about it I would get quite aggressive towards umpires and opposition towards my own team- mates," he said. "I got quite paranoid about things. There was nothing there but I felt there was something there. Suddenly you over-think and over-analyse things. I felt I got into a place where I had anxiety and depression issues.

"The way it made me feel was quite low in myself. I was quite angry with other members around me and I can see how people then got quite frustrated with that. It was very difficult for family and friends because they don't know what is really going on even though they love you and they want the best for you."

Panesar has now been appointed a Mental Health Ambassador for the Professional Cricketers' Association and hopes his experiences can help other players identify when team-mates could be in need for help.

"The signs that you can spot in other people in a dressing room is if they are very isolated and don't engage with the whole team. On away trips, if you are going for team meals, are they just going back to their room and ordering room service?

"It's really important when you feel down that you engage with other human beings and you speak to other people about it. Once a cricketer gets isolated they are signs that you really should look after that person.

"As sports people you pride yourself on being mentally strong and ruthless, all the attributes that lead to competitive performance.

"But when you have a weakness in you, you don't really want to open up to it. You always want to show that you are strong. It's really important when you do have a weakness that you really open up to it. The quicker you open up, the quicker you will get the support and the help."