Being gay and Indian are my superpowers

I’m Irvin. I was born in New York City. My family immigrated there from Guyana in South America. My ‘coming out’ as a gay man is tied to my experiences growing up as an American of Guyanese-Indian descent.

I always knew I was gay, even before I knew what ‘gay’ was. As a kid, I’ve had ‘boyish’ hobbies, like video games, comics, and basketball. I had a feeling I was wired a little differently (like one of Professor Xavier’s X-Men). I didn’t really fit in at school. Teachers dubbed me a loner, but they didn’t realise that I got picked on badly, because I was the only Indian kid in a poor school. I was trying to convey my misery to mom and dad by locking myself in my room, breaking random household things, playing computer games for entire weekends, and being distant. I was too embarrassed to reveal what was happening — that someone told me I smelled weird; that someone asked me why do people like me listen to weird music; that I got spat on. All the while, I was contending with my sexual orientation, thinking that maybe if I ignored it, I’d like girls.

When would it be my chance to go to Disney World, go camping, or have a dog?

Something changed when I was going through puberty. I viewed my differences as strengths and was determined to see my American dream come to fruition. I was inspired by the unlikely heroes in comics, in video games, and on TV. Like Cloud Strife of Final Fantasy 7 — the assassin who prevented an apocalypse. Like Buffy the Vampire Slayer — the high school misfit-turned-heroine. Like Bruce Wayne/Batman —who channelled his inner angst into courage.

My special powers were being gay and Indian. It separated me from the gang culture in my hometown. I focused on schoolwork, my geeky hobbies, and my culture. As I grew proud of my heritage, I grew excited to live as an openly gay man. I started by coming out to a friend when I was 18. Then, after returning from studying abroad in Italy, as a second year college student, I told mom and dad. They didn’t believe me at first. Mom said that she still loved me but wanted me to try to date a girl, and dad shook his head in disbelief.

Eventually they came around. I had my first boyfriend when I was 21. He was the definition of ‘American’. He taught me how to drive, took me to rock concerts, and Disney World. We even went to Italy together. My family grew to love him and coincidentally accepted that I was gay.

I’m happier since coming out. I still have goals to accomplish, such as travelling, adopting a child, and having a large Indian wedding. Coming out is one of the tougher things we have to do. But courageously ripping the proverbial band-aid paves the way for self-fulfillment.