Spouse or kid who would you pick?

n the age of social media, back-seat parenting has become fairly common especially when it comes to celebs, who are often lectured, slammed and picked on for what is perceived to be bad parenting by absolute strangers online. The latest one to fall victim to the trend was Australian model Rachel Finch. Finch made the mistake of not only having a life outside motherhood, but actually celebrating her choice. Something that did not go down well with online trolls, who went to the extent of calling her selfish, labelling her a bad mother and even questioning why she had kids in the first place. Their extreme reactions point to the fact, that they extol the virtues of intensive parenting.

Should parenting be child-centric?

Finch joins the list of other parents who have received flak for their parenting style. Sometime back, new mum and model Chrissy Teigen, faced flak for stepping out for dinner with her husband. She was photographed with her husband John Legend arriving at a restaurant in LA. Internet trolls appalled that the new mum wanted some alone time with her hubby, post having a baby, flooded her Instagram with nasty comments. Incidents like these made us question whether intensive or child-centered parenting is the best approach. Studies have found that’s clearly not the case. In fact, women who believed that parenting should be child-centered had reduced life satisfaction. For those, who still extol its virtues, it would make sense to remember that helicopter parenting, which is another form of intensive parenting has not seen much success. In fact, the University of Mary Washington study found that trying to be this perfect parent led to depression in mothers.

‘When did loving your husband become a crime?’

Subjugating our lives for another individual, even your own child is not the healthiest approach. Something, celeb moms have had to make their peace with,  trying to balance motherhood, work pressures and looking their best. The key is to find what works for you according to actress Shilpa Shetty Kundra. She says, “I think it’s wrong for a third person to judge or comment on someone else’s lives. Every person wants the best for their kids. I am lucky that I can afford help, but there are many working mothers out there, who are trying to make ends meet and would love to spend more time with their kids, but can’t because they are so busy working to make sure they can provide basic facilities and once in a way pay for a short vacation for their child. Nobody has the right and should shame a parent because you are not aware of their circumstances. I grew up in a middle class family, where both my parents were working. We would only see more of them on weekends.  As far as loving your spouse more than your child goes, to each his own. When did loving your husband become a crime? When a mother brings a child into the world, she goes through a lot of pain, and there are very few who will not give that pain importance. You have to do the balancing act. When you focus too much on parenting and don’t give much time to your relationship with your spouse, your relationship suffers.”

‘Your hubby helping with the kid is spending quality time’

Actress Amrita  Ladak, adds, “Children are born out of love for your spouse. So you can’t compare both.  Kids need love and security which we already have with our spouse. Besides, having your husband help out with the kids is spending quality time. Making kids your priority is one of the most important things about parenting. It’s no sacrifice in my books. Having said that it’s important to have date nights. My husband and I have that all the time. Although parenting duties for us come first the rest happens as and when it’s possible.”

‘Not your bizz’

 Finch  hit out at critics on her choice to spend weekends with her hubby, away from her daughter