Rainbow Guru: How can I live my life better?

Dear Sushant,

I was in a relationship with a boy for around 15 years, but I lost him to a tragic accident. In all those years, we never had sex though we had kissed each other many times. When I was in boarding school, I was once cornered by about 10 seniors who raped me. This continued for 20 days, regularly. When I complained to my warden, he told me to keep quiet for the sake of the college's reputation. I didn't tell my parents either. Now, whenever a man comes close to me, I panic. I want to overcome this trauma as even when my father or any other friend comes close to me, I get nervous. How can I live my life better?

Hello there,

First of all, thanks a lot for writing to me and sharing these intricate and intimate details about your life. I'm extremely sorry about the loss of the boy you were dating. You must see a counselor personally and seek help to get over any sort of guilt you have about your relationship or any aspect that might have been left unfulfilled in your relationship with him.

Having said that, if you feel from within for a new man – someone who is nice to you, who is looking forward to knowing you and you're comfortable with him, then it's not wrong. That feeling from within you is not wrong at all. You are allowed to fall in love again. You're not going to be judged for something that was not in your control – not your ex-boyfriend's sudden demise nor for falling in love with someone else in the future.

Mr Gay India 2014, Sushant Divgikar is your counsellor, guide and conscience through the waters of sexuality. Write to him at sexualitydna@gmail.com