25-year-old CA from Bihar talks about his sex reaffirmation surgery

Jai* never liked frocks. Even as a child, he always reached out for the clothes his bother wore, rather than envying the ones his two sisters wore. Now 25, life has come a full circle for this CA and a small village in Bihar, who works with an IT firm in Bangalore. This year, Jai decided that it was time for him to undergo the gender reaffirming surgery that would physically turn him into the man he has always been mentally and emotionally.

"He was always a tomboy," says Jai's mother, who is supportive of the surgery. "People would mistake him for a boy all the time." "The decision to undergo surgery did not happen overnight. It was a culmination of a lifetime experience of feeling trapped in the wrong body," she adds "By the time I was 16 and started getting attracted to women I knew I was different. I turned to Google for more information," he says.

His turning point came when his father passed away when he was 21; the year Jai cracked his CA exams. His priorities changed and he became responsible for his siblings. "I decided to focus on my career. I have two sisters and a brother who were studying, so I had to look after them," he says.

When his mother started pestering him to get married last year, he decided to break the news about the surgery to everyone. He has been in a relationship with a woman for several years and wanted the surgery as much for him as for both of them. Till then, only two close friends knew that Jai wanted to eventually physically transition.

"I have been living away from my family since I was in Class 7, so when I had to break the news I first told my sister who lives with me in Bangalore," he says. She then spoke to the other family members, who eventually came on board.

His mother says,"I spoke to everyone in the family. A friend of mine, who lives in Kolkata, told me about a neighbour who underwent such a surgery, so I understood it better." Apart from a few second cousins and uncles, most of the family supported Jai's decision.

Jai was surprised by this acceptance and support. "My mother has always lived in the village and I still don't know how my sister spoke to her. I didn't expect so much support," he says. He also had the support of his manager at work and colleagues. Once he had made up his mind about the surgery, he broke the news to them and answered their queries. "They sweetly asked if I wanted to change teams just to be more comfortable," he says.

Jai found a doctor in Mumbai as the surgery here costs half of what it does in Thailand (where gender reaffirming surgeries are most prolific). "Male to female surgeries are fairly common; but not the other way round," says Dr Parag Telang, Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeon at Fortis SL Raheja Hospital, "I ask my patients to do a lot of soul-searching before they undergo the surgery, because it's irreversible."

The procedure is cosmetic–the patient will have sensation in the penile region, experience erections and orgasms, but will not be able reproduce biologically. Jai will be taking testosterone for the next six months, which will eventually be tapered off. Full recovery will take a couple more months. "There can be follow up surgeries for voice modulation and masculinisation of the face, if a patient wishes," adds Dr Parag.

Jai's advice to others feeling trapped in the wrong body is: Do your research and come to the point where you are sure you want to do this.

So what is he looking forwards to? "My major goals are related to my career. I am also bracing myself for the psychological changes that will follow the surgery."

*name changed to protect identity