Rainbow Guru to the rescue

Dear Sushant, 
I’m from Nasik and have been aware of my family’s homophobia from an early age. I want to come out too but it feels like such a big task. I’m effeminate and have been holding back. My boyfriend has been open about his sexuality from the beginning of our relationship. I accepted myself and opened up to a few close friends only in January this year. We’ve been together for six years and his family is cool with us but I still feel insecure about telling them directly. When I was 11, I was raped by seven seniors for over a month daily. I feel that my boyfriend is my only true support in life, as my life is a mirage to my family. I tried to commit suicide some time ago but my boyfriend saved me. Please advise what I should do — should I come out to my family or just kill myself?
—Mr Stuck in the Closet

Hi Mr Stuck in the Closet,

First of all — here’s a big virtual hug for you! Most of what you have written is what a lot of LGBT children are going through. Unfortunately, many families are still not sensitised to LGBT issues and they don’t know how to deal with the situation. Probably they haven’t encountered it or haven’t felt the need to make an effort. 

In that case, you have a sea of people who share your problem. Your family needs to be sensitised but not suddenly and all at once. If you throw a tsunami at them, they will drown. You have to try and explain to them step-by-step and win them over. 

About being effeminate, you don’t need to worry about ‘acting straight’. If you’re comfortable being effeminate, be so. If you push back your personality, it’s going to take a toll on your mental health. Who decides how effeminate or butch gay people should be? All these gay men who ‘act straight’ should probably get an Oscar! The entire idea of equality is to respect people for what they are. 

And YAY! to you for having such a wonderful boyfriend who loves you without judgment: And that’s your answer. You shouldn’t have to be a certain way to please somebody. Besides gurl, you also have such supportive, shall I say, ‘in-laws’. Maybe you could request them to talk to your parents and your family might realise that they love you regardless of your orientation.

About your sexual abuse, nobody should go through what you did. You are a fighter and are lucky to have a man who has been with you through trying times. You have already conquered your past and risen above what tried to break you. So, don’t ever think of ending your life and losing the precious people in it. More power to you and your boyfriend!

Write to him at sexualitydna@gmail.com