Strength of a woman: An open letter to Sunny Leone

Dear Sunny,

To be honest, I watched your interview on YouTube only after it had become a talking point and your interlocutor had been called out for his misogyny and chauvinism. Perhaps, if I had watched it before his shaming, I might have missed its subtext altogether. Perhaps, I might have missed it because chauvinism and misogyny have become so ingrained in the subtext of our daily discourse that they pass as the rule – not the exception.

After it became the subject of conversation and controversy, I watched and re-watched the interview many times over, hitting the pause button to observe reactions and responses, replaying questions and answers and generally trying to dissect why it had become the talking point it had amongst urban India.

Here's what I realised.

The reason the interview became such a talking point was not on account of the questions lobbed at you by a man who could barely get himself to look at you, through the fog of his excitement and prejudice, but because of your exquisite poise, dignity and grace while answering them.

There is a Zen situation described as the moment where you stand absolutely still and allow your adversary to be vanquished as he falls in to the space you vacate while attacking you.

For the first time I saw this concept acted out in real time and on a schlock TV show.

Nothing in your body language, your manner of speech or your demeanor altered at the onslaught of the biased, loaded and demeaning questions hurled at you.

You sat there in your peaches and cream summer dress, legs primly crossed, looking every inch the star you are.

But on replay, I saw the shock hurt and outrage in your lovely eyes. I saw your anger. It was perfectly contained – blink and we would have missed it – but there it was, such a spark that it has inflamed the public imagination and created a veritable bonfire of the vanities.

A bonfire that states very clearly: you cannot treat women in this shameful and degrading manner any more. You cannot try and shame them for being who they are, or doing what they have, for their acts of omission or commission, for not fitting into stereotypes of your making. You cannot shame them for being too pretty, or too sexy, or too fat or too thin, or for being too successful or too strong or too weak or too any thing at all.

You cannot shame a woman for the fact that she is a woman, and therefore considered fair game or a soft target or easy prey. The spark has already been lit, the troops have been armed, the battle lines drawn.

Henceforth let no male journalist think he can get a rise out of a woman by alluding in a nudge-nudge wink -wink way to her 'past' or what he sees are her transgressions. She will fight back word for word, punch for punch, blow for blow. And she will do this with the slightest spark in her eye.

A spark so eloquent, that speaks of so much hurt and centuries of humiliation and judgment and unfair treatment – that it will light many fires across the land.

That is the true strength of a woman. That controlled anger. That contained outrage. That unflappable confidence in who she is.

Well played, Sunny Leone, well played.

On behalf of so many women and what's best of all, so many wonderful men, who have added their fire to the debate, I thank you.

May you continue to reply to all your detractors with the same grace and elan, allowing them to fall all over themselves while trying to catch you.

And yes, may you finally sign that film with Aamir Khan.

With every good wish,
Yours sincerely etc.

malavikasmumbai@gmail.com, @msangghvi
(The columnist believes in the art of writing letters)