'Single women not considered potential adoptive parents in India'

Yamini Sahib feels her life has changed completely after she adopted two girls. The 47 years old single mother says the girls have filled her life with happiness, love and affection. Yamini, who works as Jt General Manager in a Public Sector Undertaking, lives with her two adopted daughters Khushi and Tara in South Delhi's Safdarjung Enclave.

“I adopted Khushi nine years back on June 28. I had thought of adopting a child two years before that, but being a single woman, it was not easy to adopt child in India. NGOs were very strict and didn't consider single women as potential parents,” said Yamini.

Fortunately, Yamini came across an NGO called Palna which registered her and gave an opportunity to adopt a girl child. “They took me through a counselling session to check how prepared I'm to adopt a child. After the session, they showed a child to me.

I had met her before on weekend but she used to cry whenever she saw me. I somehow could not bond with the child. Then I gathered the courage to say no to them because I was of the view that until and unless the child bonds with me and I get an answer from my heart that this is my child, I won’t say yes. When I refused, they got angry which is normal. After a couple of months, they informed me that there is a girl child at SOS children’s village,” Yamini recalled.

The SOS children’s village told Yamini that the child is a bit dark, and she should not reject her because of the complexion. However, they were also of the opinion that Yamini would not go by looks or complexion as she is an educated woman.

“I agreed to meet her and when I met her, I immediately bonded with her and decided to adopt the child. She was quarter to four then. Then, the documentation process started and within twenty days, I got my first child,” she said.

Khushi is twelve and a half years old now and studying in class VII at St. Mary’s School. “As she grew up, she started demanding for a sibling to play with. She wanted a brother but I wasn’t very comfortable to adopt a boy. Also very few boys are available in adoption homes,” averred Yamini.

Suresh Khandelwal, President of Matri Chhaya, an orphan home in Delhi, also admitted that a girl child is not generally preferred for adoption in India. “We brought 25 abandoned children in our NGO last year. Of these 20 are girls and 5 are boys. Unfortunately, the mindset of the people has not changed. People are still not willing to raise a girl child,” claimed Khandelwal.

Yamini went to various NGOs again to adopt a second child but they refused her saying that she already has a girl child.

“I finally came into contact with an NGO called Matri Chhaya which registered me. They showed me a girl child who was suffering from speech and hearing impairment. After I referred her to Ganga Ram hospital for a medical check-up, we came to know that she is psychologically fine but has some problem in her ear due to which she cannot hear and speak.

The doctor said that problem is very serious and cannot be operated and needs a transplant. She also had a cleft lip and I got her operated. After knowing her health condition, and the fact that I already have a child to take care of, I took a decision not to adopt her. I feel that a special child needs lot of love and affection at home. Being a single parent and working woman, adopting her will be injustice to her as I will not be able to devote that much of care and time,” she said.

The next month, the NGO informed Yamini that they have a girl child but she also has dark complexion. “Look doesn't matter to me at all and so I went to meet her. She was such a lively and intelligent child. She asked intelligent questions that impressed me. It was January 8, 2013. I remember when everyone was telling her to go inside her room, she went and came back with her shoes on and said ‘Let’s go home’. That was the point I realised that she is my second child,” recounted Yamini.

However, the NGO suggested her to take time to think and not to take a prompt decision by getting emotional. The child had been rejected by many families on the ground that she is dark and unkempt.

“Before giving a child for adoption, we check the intention of the parents and whether they are actually ready for adoption. The parent has to pass many tests for this. Checking the financial condition of the parents before giving a child for adoption is necessary.

Yamini was financially independent and has the capability to raise the child so we had no problem in giving the child to her. Most of the parents are not willing to adopt a child who has dark complexion. We saw that Yamini is an independent and wise woman who does not believe in such disparities. Therefore, we decided to give her the child,” said Khandelwal. The NGO had intentionally asked her to meet the girl child who has a hearing impairment to check how prepared she was to adopt a child.

“They told me to bring my first daughter along if she is comfortable. My elder daughter is dominant in nature and I was sceptical whether she would accept her sister. Though, I had already taken a decision to adopt Tara but I did not inform Khushi about it, I just told her to play with Tara for some time. Within 10-15 minutes, she came running to me and asked me to adopt Tara as she was also impressed by her.

It's been two years since Tara has been with us and she is such an obedient and responsible girl. She loves her sister a lot. At times, she displays maturity and so much of love that I get amazed. I feel that God has probably sent her into my life to teach me patience,” added Yamini with a grin on her face.

According to Yamini, the Hindu Adoption and Maintenance Act needs amendment, because it permits adoption of only one child. “Because of this, I had to adopt the second child under Christian Juvenile Child Care Act. Also, because of the provisions of Hindu Adoption Act, the rules of my company permit adoption of only one child.

My Tara is not accepted by my PSU as my second daughter and so she can't get any financial benefits, including Medical and LTC, from the company. Whereas, all my colleagues are entitled to all benefits for two kids. I think law of our country has to change to give equal status to all,” she said.

Today, both the sisters live as normal siblings. They play together and would sometimes fight but they also love each other very much. Iamin salutes Yamini for breaking the stereotypes, and for having the courage to live by her own rules and conviction. 

The article was originally published on http://www.iamin.in/