I can be friends with my ex: Katrina Kaif

Fresh from a breakup, Katrina Kaif is the last person anyone would expect to talk eloquently about the positivity of love. But she’s game to doing so. As we sat across each other for a candid tête-à-tête on Valentine’s Day, love, romance and the like (not her relationship status!), a new Kat emerges. One that is as confident as she has ever been and as someone who hasn’t been disillusioned in love. Here goes...

What does love mean to you?
Perseverance. See there are many explanations which I can give you here. This is something that can cover 35 pages or 20 editions of the paper. It’s not just about the laughing, smiling and the holding hands or the beautiful feeling that you have when you are in love. It’s also about sticking together through tough times. It’s about believing and supporting the other person. More than that, you need to have faith in the zidd (stubbornness) of your own love. When we talk about being stubborn, it’s usually taken in a very negative connotation but if you remove that, it becomes perseverance. Refusing to let go of that belief is all that you need to sustain a relationship.

Has doing an intense romantic film like Fitoor altered your  perception on love?
Not at all. I don’t subscribe to such theories. You need to learn, understand, dissect, indulge and divulge into every aspect of your character. You need to know who she is or who he is when you go on set. But I don’t believe that you need to take that person with you necessarily. Like one can have different thoughts in the head, you can still hold on to your true essence of being yourself and be completely involved in portraying a different character in a film.

If you had to dress up for V-Day, what would you pick?
If I was going out on a Valentine’s Day date or advising someone who was going on one, I would just say be very comfortable. Don’t wear something that you would be awkward in or adjusting all the time. You should not wear anything that you would need to fidget with all the time. Wear something you have worn before, which you have previously tried out. You don’t always have to go for a new outfit. Be yourself and don’t worry about how you are looking!

What’s your idea of a perfect date?
For me, I have never been a person who’s kind of obsessed with dates. It’s not about the location or what you are doing or the dinner or the restaurant. It’s about who you are with and the time you are spending together. So you can be sitting on Carter Road just having a vada pav and talking. That can be beautiful date. You can be in the fanciest restaurant with a person you don’t connect with and that will end up being a miserable date!

Being a celebrity, you probably can’t eat a vada pav on a street.
(Cuts in) Of course, I can. Watch me!

When was the last time you did that?
So many times. Maybe not so recently, but I have done this a lot of times in the past, even after I started my Bollywood career and people recognised me. I don’t fear my celebrity status at all because it doesn’t restrict me from going to places. You just need to be a little selective. Maybe you won’t go to let’s say, Carter Road, but some other road where there’s less of a crowd. You can still make it work for you and live a very free life. You don’t have to feel imprisoned by the fact that you are a known face.

What kind of a person are you when in love?
Complete. My belief and vision of love is very, very complete. I think I have learnt a lot also over the years. As you grow and you mature, your understanding of love takes different turns. You learn new aspects about it. You learn the importance of supporting the other person’s vision, their desires, their goals and not just trying to sustain the feeling of love you have between the two of you. Love is important for most people and there are very few people who would say Love does not matter to me. I definitely belong to the former. For me, it’s super important. Very few things can substitute the feeling of being happy in love.

One thing you will never accept when in love…
That’s a very hard thing to say because one can’t control the other person. That’s human tendency which you have to accept. No matter how much you love someone, you cannot control or dictate his/her actions. Let’s rephrase it a bit. One thing I feel is essential in a relationship is honesty. Also, a little kindness and being true to your words help.

One thing you don’t do when in love…
I would never cheat on somebody or hurt someone’s feelings. I am always very honest.

What’s the most romantic thing someone has done for you?
That I don’t know. For me, romantic gestures haven’t held as much weight as the time. The time spent with the person you connect with deeply and who you love.

What’s the most special thing you have done for someone?
I will let that remain a secret between me and that person! (Smiles)

What does someone need to do to sweep you off your feet?
Nothing at all, if he’s the right person! (Smiles)

One thing your relationships have taught you…
That there’s always more to learn and you can always evolve, learn and grow in your relationships just the way you do in your work. Rethinking, looking into things. I have learnt to adapt to the changes in the other person. Also, it’s very important to believe in what you are saying and commitment is something I stand by. Some people don’t value that enough. Some relationships don’t value that enough. Personally, respecting your commitment of love to somebody is giving yourself respect too. If I respect my choice, I am giving mysef respect by honouring that commitment. I read a very beautiful line about love recently. It says: ‘If you treat love with the dignity and respect it deserves, it will serve you the entire life’. That sums it up. I probably haven’t got it exactly right, but basically what I mean to say is if you treat love in terms of behaviour and attitude to your relationship, that love in return will be there to support you.

You have always been private about your love life. Is it a conscious thing?
For the most part, yes! Conscious is the wrong word, but it just happened. How it happened, I honestly don’t even remember. (Laughs) That’s quite a few years ago. Later and gradually, it became obviously something much more consciously. Till today, that remains largely and for the most part, something I have tried to maintain.

You have closely guarded your personal life and there has always been speculation…
Always! And there will always be speculation. (Smiles)

Are you more comfortable with such speculation now?
Being comfortable and being used to something are two different things. Am I used to it? Is it expected? Yes, absolutely! Will I ever celebrate or rejoice it? I doubt it! I don’t think anyone wants so many observations and opinions on what’s going on in their personal lives.

Can you be friends with an ex?
Of course, I think that’s possible. Firstly, no one person has the authority to speak on love. But in general, we see so many people who have shared past histories and remain friends. So why can’t I be friends with an ex? I have been friends with few of them in the past.