Empty nest, writes Shweta Bachchan Nanda

At some point in their lives, most parents — if they are doing it right — will face the dreaded “empty nest”. How you deal with it could be either your making or your undoing. For stay-at-home moms like myself, it is the human experience equivalent of a semicolon; in that, in a continuous stream of events (life) there is a time before the empty nest and one after. It is irrevocably altered. 

It has been a year (almost to the date), since both my kids went away to boarding school. A year of waking up to silent Saturday mornings, no football matches to attend or the dreaded PTM (parent-teacher meetings), organising car-time shares and trying to adjust a family meal somewhere in between. It has been the most revealing period in my life. 

For the first time in 20 years, my time has been my own. I could squander the whole day lazing in bed or binge-watching TV shows — and trust me, there were many days like this — or I could get out there and create new experiences. It is at times like these, that I wish my life had a brilliant screenplay writer, and I would emerge in triumph at the end of a trying phase. 

Fortunately or unfortunately, I realised the script of my life was left to me to write, and to me alone. It is a time of great self-revelation. This is who you are, as an individual not a parent, and it is heady stuff. You are no longer your young self; somewhere in between changing diapers and clearing acne, you grew up. But it was so gradual that perhaps it took a period devoid of any peripheral distractions to come to it. When I sit down to take stock of one of the watershed periods of my life, I am surprised at myself. 

It has taught me that I am an extrovert, I like being around people, I enjoy company! Who’d have thought that music is integral to my being? This year, I have found that there is seldom a time I am without music. Whatever my mood, the music is always there, I suppose when you are alone a lot, it is an easy companion. Sometimes mirroring your mood sometimes enhancing it and sometimes elevating it. 

I used to think I saw life in blacks or whites, turns out I was more grey. It is extremely liberating to care for people even if they are flawed, you needn’t eschew the whole person for a few not so shiny, sparkly parts. 

Books are great, but travel is the greatest teacher. If you have a choice, choose to travel. Not everywhere you go will be wonderful and life-altering; in fact, some places may underwhelm you and that, too, is an experience. 

But for all my A-ha! moments and life lessons this year, the most important piece of advice I can give is this: Learn to make your peace with the sounds of silence, whether of an empty home or day, do not try to drown it out, readjust yourself to the new challenges and situations that come at you.

Only then, will you come to understand that when your little birds fly their nest, it is a triumph, a job well done. For isn’t that what unconditional love is  — sacrificing a little bit of your own happiness so someone else can have theirs?