Celebrity column | Shirishly Speaking: The agony uncle you never saw coming!

To botox or not to, that’s the question!

I’ve just crossed 40 and my face is not as firm as it used to be before. So I decided to go in for botox. But my husband believes in natural beauty and so is against it. He feels that he may not like the artificial-looking me. But my mind was set on it. Now I’m confused. I can’t decide. What should I do? To botox or not to botox?
Shabina

Dear Shabina,
You’re lucky to have a husband who’s happy to accept you aging gracefully. But I guess you want to do it for other reasons: either to impress your friends or for your own confidence. I’m also a believer of natural beauty and would advise against it. But since your mind was already set on it, and so if you do decide to go ahead with it, also finalise one important thing before having botox — pick that one expression you want to live with for the rest of your life.

Ugly stalker versus handsome wooer

There is this ugly guy who waits outside my building and stalks me everyday from home to college. Because of which, a handsome guy who waits outside my building everyday to woo me, doesn’t get a chance to talk to me, since the stalker is always around. Handsome wooer doesn’t come on Saturdays for some reason. But the ugly stalker comes everyday, without fail. How do I get rid of the ugly stalker, even if it’s for a day, so that the handsome wooer gets a chance to approach me? Please help.
Baby Doll

Dear Baby Doll,
So there are two guys doing the exact same thing of following you from home to college. But the ugly one is the “stalker” and the handsome one is the “wooer”! I don’t blame you. Sadly, most people judge by external appearances. As for solving your problem of getting rid of the “stalker” — on Saturdays, when the “wooer” doesn’t come, go to college without make-up. And hope the “stalker” is as shallow as you and loses interest in you.

Long-distance black magic

I recently married a rich NRI and live in the US. We don’t get DNA here but I read your column on your Facebook posts. Of late, I’ve been getting a lot of acne over my face and body. I know my cousins from India are doing black magic on me because they’re jealous that I got a rich husband. But my husband doesn’t believe in black magic. He wants to take me to a skin doctor. How to convince him that my cousins are doing black magic from India?
Alpa

Dear Alpa,
Drone attacks from India would have sounded more convincing than black magic. Moreover, if our black magic were so effective to reach all the way to the US, India wouldn’t need an Army, Navy or Air Force. We could have just done black magic on Pakistan. So please take your husband’s advice. Go to the skin doctor.

How to get a producer?

I’m an aspiring filmmaker. I’ve met a lot of producers with my script but they all say that it’s an art film and the audience will never watch it. I know that, but still want to make this film for myself. I want to make it even if the only person watching it is me. How do I get a producer?
Fellini

Dear Fellini,
If you are also sure that the audience is never going to watch your film and this film is only for yourself, why don’t you just close your eyes and watch it in your mind. Why waste someone’s money on making it?