Can I see you in 3D?, writes Sajid Khan

Last night, I was having dinner with some film friends of mine and we were discussing Chhota Chetan. No, I am not talking about my friend Chetan’s chhota… Anyways, to refresh your memory, Chhota Chetan was the first ever 3D film made in India in 1984. It was highly successful at the box office and that too, in times of rampant video piracy. Why? Because Indian cinema hadn’t seen a film three-dimensionally before that. Then the follow-the-leader routine started. Nahi samjhe? Samjhata hoon. Samjhata hoon.

Chhota Chetan was a Malayalam film, dubbed in Hindi with absolutely no identification value for Hindi film audiences. On top of that, it had released only in two theatres in Mumbai. You know why? Because the theatre screens which were basically white cloth had to be replaced with silver cloth so that the 3-D effect could be achieved. The basic ticket was `5 plus an additional rupee for the 3-D glasses. Now comes the best part. Additional security guards were placed at the exit to collect the glasses back from every person in the audience. Well, almost every person. You see Chhota Sajid was a chhota chor! I started wearing these glasses everywhere I went to, hoping that I could see real life in 3-D. I even wore them to regular films, hoping that they would convert to 3-D. I even tried to patao a girl in my class by saying, “I want to see you in 3D.” She didn’t understand. Nor did I when she slapped me. Moving on, because Chhota Chetan was such a huge success, almost every filmmaker in Bollywood had announced a 3-D film. Including Saawan Kumar Tak. Yes, Sanjay Dutt and Mandakini in 3-D! It’s a different story that that film wasn’t even made in 2-D. The race was eventually won by Raj N.Sippy’s Shiva Ka Insaaf starring Jackie Shroff as the desi version of Superman. The only 3-D in that film were three Disprins, which one had to take because the glasses and the 3-D effects really gave horrid headaches. After three por four Bollywood films didn’t work in 3-D, the fad died. Also because there was a new fad…. Saap movies! You see Nagina had become a big hit and almost every filmmaker had launched a saap film.

But barring one or two, the remaining’s fate at the box office was poisonous. Perhaps also because sex films were in. The cobra was replaced by the no bra. Huhhhh? You are thinking today’s topic was 3-D, so why are we talking 36D? Because history (just like me in my 10th standard) repeats itself.

The whole fad of 3-D came back again with James Cameron’s Avatar proving to be (till date) the biggest hit in the world. And since the last six years, the technology of 3-D has degraded, not improved. Huh? Yes, it’s true. You see, to achieve that true three dimensional pop-out-in-your-face effect, movies have to be shot in 3-D. They aren’t anymore. They’re converted. Just like when you buy a 3-D TV and can convert even a news channel into giving you a 3-D effect. Hardly any Hindi films are released in 3-D, but almost every Hollywood film is released in converted 3-D. You know why? Because without realising, you end up paying almost `50 extra for the glasses, which you have to return. So, if you like watching the news channel in 3-D on your 3-D smart TV, I’m sure you must enjoy converted Hollywood 3-D films.

P.S. I met the same girl from my class, recently at a funeral..Sorry, it was a school reunion. I asked her the same question again. “Can I see you in 3D?” This time, she said, “Yes.” You see, 3D is my flat number!!!