Valentine’s Day gifts that we’d like to give our stars

By Subhash K. Jha -

February 14, 2017 - 11:17 AM IST

It is that time of the year when mushy thoughts run wild across the film industry. Sach pucho toh kuch kuch hota hai…Stars who are single deserve a date, stars who are dating several deserve a break, and stars who are pretending not to date anyone deserve a wake-up knuckle on their head.

Valentine’s Day gifts that we’d like to give our stars

Wake up, Sid (pun intended). It's the 21st century. Your career doesn't suffer if you are in a relationship. Alia, exhale. While you catch your breath, here is what stars need to be gifted this Valentine's Day.

1. Varun Dhawan: A truth serum to be injected in him so that he can finally come out and admit to dating Natasha Dalal. So far he is not admitting to it. Though he admits he wants to get married and have babies. What is the problem in admitting to a girlfriend, Varun? Decades ago Aamir Khan hid his marriage to Reema. He thought the revelation would cause a qayamat to his career. Stop doing an Aamir to your relationship. Come out with it this Valentine's Day. Give your relationship the dignity it deserves.

2. Alia Bhatt: A Manish Malhotra lehenga and a performance at her sangeet by Saurabh Shukla for Sidnath Ki Dulhaniya? Alia has more or less admitted on Karan Johar's show that she is dating someone and that someone is "more than what she had hoped for?" So shall we order a Manish Malhotra bridal outfit for Alia? In Jolly LLB 2, Saurabh Shukla is not only a fan of Alia, his daughter wants a Manish Malhotra lehenga for her wedding. And his chosen song for his daughter's sangeet ceremony is Gulabo from Alia's Shaandaar. We recommend the same for Alia Bhatt.

3. Tiger Shroff: Could we order some online self-esteem for Tiger so he can stop saying he is not worthy of being Disha Patani's pati? At least now after her disastrous presence in Kung Fu Yoga Tiger should stop saying she is too good for him. Come on, Tiger. Let her be your Valentine. Ladki ko mauqa do.

4. Sara Khan: A debut role for Amrita Singh and Saif Ali Khan's daughter. The seesaw speculation about her career-with co-stars ranging from Hrithik Roshan to Ishaan Khattar-has got to stop. This Valentine's Day let's find the ideal launch pad for Sara. What say, KJo? Mom Amrita says she won't say anything until the deal is sealed. Kisski nazar na lag jaaye.

5. Sushant Singh Rajput: Collected songs of Gurdass Maan and Diljit Dosanjh for Sushant to strum and sing on his guitar to his newly acquired Punjabi love interest. Sushant could also pay a visit this Valentine to a Beauty Sanon…I mean, Salon.

6. Ranveer Singh: A high testosterone level cure for our hyper-hero. Ranveer's energy level is way beyond normal. As one of his directors tells me, "I get very nervous when he enters the set. Who ladka kya karega, kya bolega, kya pehnega… you never know." So a melt-down of his mojo this Valentine's Day is called for.

7. Deepika Padukone: A copy of PeeCee's Guide To Firangi Media Interaction. While Priyanka Chopra has been rocking it on one American talk-show after another, Deepika has just been knocking it. Missing is the 'It' element. Hopefully someone will gift it to Ms Padukone this Valentine's Day.

8. Jacqueline Fernandez: An Energizer Bunny endorsement campaign for India's most energetic product asli glee. Wishing a boyfriend for the super-charged lady this Valentine's Day though I can't imagine who would be able to match her energy level except Ranveer Singh. And he's taken.

9. Kangna Ranaut: Collected classical songs of the legendary Hindustani classical vocalist Roshan Ara Beghum. Also a copy of the song Mera naam karega Roshan by Manna Dey. And finally a rendezvous with veteran actor Roshan Seth.

10. Ranbir Kapoor: A brand new love-interest in his sookhee (dry) zindagi to make it sukhi (happy). Close friends say Ranbir has decided to stay single for now. Aisa nahin kehte. Jaa Ranbir jaa, jee le apni zindagi.