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Wonder women

From feminist activist-author Meena Kandasamy to lawyer Trisha Shetty fighting gender-based discrimination, from businesswoman Manasi Kirloskar taking her company to new heights and Member of Parliament Poonam Mahajan scripting success for women in politics, these 10 inspirational women show us the way forward.

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Wonder women
Photo: Sandeep Sahdev

Tanu Shree Pareek, 25, Assistant Commander, 105 Battalion, Border Security Forces, Firozpur, Punjab

olumes of her diary, notes and photographs of family back in Bikaner, Rajasthan. The noisy whir of the air-conditioner, the neatly organised collection of digital watches, stacks of competitive exam guides and course books that reveal a meticulous student-the room could belong to any young adult. It is Tanu Shree Pareek's combat boots, however, that catch the eye, a reminder that we are far away from the urban jungle, in an officer's quarters at the Border Security Forces' (BSF) 105 Battalion, Firozpur, Punjab, only a few kilometres away from the India-Pakistan Hussainiwala border and at the epicentre of a nefarious drug war between the two countries.

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Since her induction as the country's first woman combat officer in March this year, 25-year-old Pareek has been the media's sweetheart, giving interviews, producing soundbites and attending award functions. Somewhat overwhelmed by the attention, she is also quite sceptical of the media. "The other day a news reporter showed me as apparently combating Pakistan. Who am I to take on another country? There needs to be some sort of a check on such misleading news," says an irritated Pareek.

Pareek's rigorous training routine includes a 12-km run everyday and a diet of 2,800 calories

Tell her there is curiosity about how, as a woman, she fits into a role limited to men so far, she shrugs her shoulders and says, "There are 25,000 women in the armed forces in India (5,365 in BSF). It is high time that our calibre is recognised. I love my uniform and the moment I don it, I get instant confidence, power and strength. One gets out of the comfort zone, the mind is cautious and ready. At that moment, I am just a soldier waiting to protect my country, do my duty. Whether I am a boy or girl in combat is the last of my worries."

Like any young feminist inspired by the ideas of Judith Butler and Simone de Beauvoir, Pareek too has her concepts clear. "There are two things the world must understand-our sex is biological, gender however, is a social construct. The kind of person you become is invariably decided by your environment. Imagination of gender is different in different societies, it may be rigid or open," she says.

For Pareek, who was born into a joint Hindu family in Rajasthan's Bikaner and attended Sophia Senior Secondary School, a convent in the city, feminism was not an obvious option, but then her's wasn't a conventional orthodox family. "My mother was a working woman-a lecturer in textile and designing at the Government Polytechnic College in Bikaner, who set her own rules and boundaries and my father accepted them without qualms, as every spouse should." Naturally, I was raised to question the status quo-'Why?' would be my favourite question and I became known as the 'little revolutionary' of the household," she adds. Pareek always had an academic inclination and was fascinated by the civil services. She made sure she took every possible competitive exam. Hard work and encouragement from the family, led her to clear the Union Public Service Commission's (UPSC) Central Armed Police Forces (Assistant Commandants) exam and four years later, she is now an Assistant Commander with the BSF.

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From domestic rebellions to a soldier on the frontline, Pareek is now training at the Indo-Pakistan border to curb the drug racket that has forced thousands of Punjab youth into addiction. Adjusting to an officer's lifestyle has been tough. Apart from the physically exhausting routine, it is the patriarchal mindset that she has to battle every day. "There is a certain hierarchy in the armed forces that needs to be respected. Many aren't used to taking orders from a woman officer, because they are just socially tuned to believe that women are submissive. Many act uncomfortable, as to how to talk to or act with a woman officer. But mostly, I have seen that once I start performing, I am treated as just another fierce competitor, no more a girl," she adds. The inclusion of women as combat officers in BSF was decided in 2008, with Pareek's batch being the first to have a female combat officer almost nine years later. Next year, Pareek might be joined by other female recruits. She is quite excited and feels it her duty to set a precedent. "Over the years, I have observed that women consider it their moral duty to outperform. When I joined the BSF and felt that the rigorous training was getting to me at times, I would tell myself-Tanu, you represent all women. You must give it your all for all the future women officers to come," she says.

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A question that Pareek is asked in every interview is what her message for young people would be. "I have no advice for them. I do have a suggestion for the parents-treat girls the way you do boys, have the same expectations, do not turn them into docile creatures waiting to be saved by a prince, have the courage to go against the conventional and then see the change your daughters bring in the world." Who can argue with that?

By Ursila Ali

Ishita Anand, 28, Co-founder and CEO, BitGiving Delhi

It is not easy being an entrepreneur; it involves a lot of hard work, passion and determination. Ishita Anand, 28, Co-founder and CEO of BitGiving, India's first online social crowdfunding platform, which helps generate funds for social causes, has that fire in her. For someone who was bitten by the entrepreneurial bug at 21, when she started putting together a start-up for artists in the country, but had to shut it down within eight months due to lack of funds, Anand has come a long way. Never for a moment did she have doubts about starting BitGiving in December 2013.

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How can social media be used as a tool to create a story, and a campaign?

Online crowdfunding as a concept was in its nascent stages when we started out; social media was becoming essential for raising funds around that time. We decided to tap into that and use the platform to raise awareness and run campaigns for causes which needed attention. We have hosted more than 1,000 campaigns so far. Take the campaign for the National Ice Hockey Team, on our platform, in March 2015. Due to lack of funds, the team was on the verge of pulling out of the Asian Championship, but within 20 days of the campaign, they managed to raise Rs 6.5 lakh, due to coming together of people from all over to support the cause. The team managed to participate in the championship. We, at BitGiving, offer a technology platform to help people tell their story, garner funds for a cause they are passionate about, and create a sense of ownership. Another campaign we did in September 2015 was for Friendicoes, a Delhi-based animal shelter, which we saved from shutting down due to lack of funds. The campaign managed to raise Rs 61.52 lakh.

Photo: Yasir Iqbal

What's different about new age philanthropists?

They don't want to give in bulk and forget about the cause they contributed for. Today, they realise that by giving in bits, they are making a larger impact. They want to be tuned into the cause they voted for, to know about its success, to help generate more funds, and to stop that story from dying.

What advice would you give to those out there who want to do something different?

Don't start out for the sake of starting up. Invest your time in a project; if your gut says you can do it, plunge in. Be in touch with reality, but be in touch with yourself and your feelings. In the social space, productify your programme. There are innumerable elements of technology and innovation, if you map profits to social change, it happens faster. Little milestones make the journey worthwhile.

By Shelly Anand

Trisha Shetty, 27, Lawyer, Founder, SheSays, Mumbai

In 2013, member states adopted the sustainable development goals (SDGs). Enshrined in the principles of universality and interdependence, was the premise of 'leave no one behind'. The main goal is gender equality, and while India has adopted the SDGs with prima facie commitment-let's start with setting the context-one cannot achieve the ever elusive promise of gender equality without first acknowledging the pervasive inequality that women and girls across India are subject to. What are some of the pervasive inequalities that women are subject to and why must they go?

Religious personal laws: We call ourselves a secular country, yet the status of women in our country and the rights they have access to is based on the virtue of the religion they happen to profess. Under Hindu Personal Law, in case a Hindu woman who dies intestate (without a will), her property goes to her husband's family. Whereas in the true spirit of honouring patriarchy, if a Hindu man dies intestate, his property goes to his family. Triple talaq is still followed in India with husbands citing 'talaq talaq talaq' through speed post/Whatsapp. We need reform, we need the Uniform Civil Code.

Photo: Danesh Jassawala

Marital rape Marriage: is not a licence for sex; it does not vitiate consent. A woman has autonomy over her body regardless of her marital status. Currently in India, marital rape is not recognised as a crime. Husbands get away with raping their wives with impunity and to those defending rape, know that a husband raping a wife is not a lesser crime.

Menstruation: Only 12 per cent of women in India have access to menstrual hygiene products, with the rest being forced to resort to alternatives such as cloth, sand, husk, plastic, leaves. Such is the state of women in India, where we are being punished and taxed for having a natural bodily function. Knowing the economic, psychosociological and humanitarian cost that women are forced to pay because they bleed, we must reject all sorts of taboos and discrimination associated with menstruation.

For a country that is plagued with crimes against women ranging with degrees of atrocity, we must realise that we need reform. Talking about gender equality requires the temerity to highlight the inequality, acknowledge one's privilege and ask what more can I do?

Meena Kandasamy, 33, Author, UK

Meena Kandasamy's When I Hit You: Or, A Portrait of the Writer as a Young Wife is the story of a marriage gone terribly wrong, a relationship of equals descending into the hell of total domination- the man controlling the wife's thoughts, actions, even intentions. Poet, novelist (A Gypsy Goddess), and activist, Kandasamy's writing is sharp, lucid, and moving. "Everything is copy", Nora Ephron had said. In Kandasamy's case, it is the most unsettling and riveting prose. As she unravels the story of her marriage, you can feel the psychological suffocation. That Kandasamy did not allow the light to be snuffed out of her life and that she did not allow her oppressor to be her conqueror, is a tribute not only to her writing but also to her intellectual determination.

You write with such precision about your life, as if it were a film under production. The process must have been very difficult. How long did it take? Did you take notes or keep a journal?

Photo: Vivan Mehra

I started writing this book in the later part of 2012, and I sent the first, finished manuscript to my agent in February 2016. So, the writing took about three years. I never had the opportunity to take notes when I was in the marriage itself-but I think when an experience is strong and sorrowful enough-it imprints itself on your mind indelibly. I had to dig all of it up from memory. I also think that the process of writing-whether for film, or for a novel-is done in terms of key, crucial scenes-things where something happens, something so definitive that it sets into motion a series of other actions, events, happenings. To remember these moments where my marriage unravelled was the easier technical part of the job, the real challenge lay in casting it into the story, giving it structure and voice and mood and emotion.

The hollowness of ideology is not limited to communism, is it? We are trapped in a world where the other choices-given the wave of right wing conservatism sweeping across India-could be far worse? How do you deal with that?

This novel is not a critique of communism. It is a critique of how patriarchy and toxic masculinity can enter, inhabit and use any ideology for its own gains. You may have the most progressive ideology in the world and you can see that being co-opted and convoluted for the purposes of subjugating women. That is why I think that feminism becomes an urgent and obligatory necessity in every radical space. As much as I share my experiences of violence and misogyny within progressive groups, I will also bravely stand up to be counted as a Marxist. I've always been a critic of the far-right in India, and will always remain one.

What advice would you like to give your younger self?

Spend less time worrying about other people's opinion of you. Spend time with friends and family-the languid, lazy hours of one's younger days disappear very soon-and you will be lucky if you can email someone once a month or call home once a week. Let everyone earn their place in your life-don't surround yourself with people because you need placeholder friendships and relationships. Expect loyalty and in turn, be fiercely loyal- people who stab you in the back over a small misunderstanding are not those you can count on.

Now that you live in England, do you find it is less/more/equally misogynistic?

Far less tiresome in the everyday, although it is prevalent here too-the wage gap, the tampon tax, the austerity regime that shuts down women's shelters-scratch the surface and it's there. Two women are killed every week in England and Wales by a current or former male partner-not reassuring at all, is it?

You speak of growing up in the 1980s with Soviet Russia as our inspiration (we all did). What do you think of the influences young people in India are exposed to now?

Everything, really. Which is why it's both awe-inspiring and frightening at once. I see some of my students from Anna University (I used to teach them about ten years ago) turn either into trolls who mouth the vitriolic hatefilled, Islamophobic lines that suffuse the Internet, or into those who are committed to fighting caste and class oppression and religious hatred. I would be terrified to be young today. When I was growing up, we never had a TV at home. It was parental policy, I adore it now but I hated it at that time. You could get away with something like that when you were growing up in the 80s, 90s. Today, with the way in which people's lives are being lived out on social media, this kind of thing would be so traumatising. Your shame is no longer your own. Everyone's life is instagrammed for instant comparison.

By Kaveree Bamsai

Praveena Solomon, 34, Manager, Crematorium, Indian Community Welfare Organisation (ICWO), Chennai

In the devastating floods that brought Chennai to a standstill last year, there was one crematorium that functioned day and night, giving the dead their last respects and the living a new lease for life. Despite being partially submerged in water, Praveena Solomon and her staff ensured no one who came to the Velankadu Crematorium was turned away, working tirelessly often without food and water. For Solomon, literature graduate and trained nun who runs the crematorium as part of the Indian Community Welfare Organisation (ICWO), the journey has never been easy. As the first woman to manage a Hindu crematorium, she was stepping into what was seen as 'the last male bastion'.

Photo: Jaison G

"People would say, 'What kind of woman works at a crematorium?' Then there were threats from politicians who wanted their job done before the others and of acid attacks as well," she says. All wasn't well with the condition of the crematorium either. Solomon recounts broken bottles at the entrance and a constant stench of urine. "There was no toilet for women and I would have to request neighbours in the area when I needed to use one," she says. Today, there are squeaky clean bathrooms and everybody who uses them receives a small gift as an incentive. The entrance to the crematorium has seen an overhaul too and is now covered in colourful graffiti that discourages people from littering. The crematorium composts flowers and organic waste to feed a lush terrace garden and has free WiFi, the newest among its initiatives to transform the space. It took a dramatic approach and undying perseverance to turn the tide, but Solomon is now almost revered in the neighbourhood.

In fact, taking cue from her, ICWO has appointed women to manage five of the seven crematoriums it runs for the municipality. Solomon has mentored them. With her at the helm, more women have started coming to the crematorium as part of burial processions. "I've come across women leading processions and doing the last rites for their loved ones including one who lit the pyre for her husband," she says. "It is so heartening to see that," she adds. Dealing with death at close quarters every day, Solomon fears little and looks at her own life with greater perspective now. "I used to have quite a temper but don't anymore. I've realised how transient life is," she adds.

By Prachi SibalKaneez S,urka, 34, Stand-up comedian, Mumbai

My career in comedy began on TV, with a part on the show The Week That Wasn't almost a decade ago, but it is the Internet that has helped me reach out to millions of viewers across the globe. The Internet and the various platforms it provides has enabled a democratisation of stardom. What I love most about platforms like YouTube is that anyone and everyone can showcase their talent online. There's no need to wait for some high-ups at a media company sitting in their ivory tower to decide who ought to be given a chance based on who is more likely to get an audience. If you want to put yourself out there, just shoot a video, upload it and if you're good, you'll get noticed. This is especially true for women who want to be heard. The Internet gives us the chance to be more vocal about things that matter, and also for our voice to be heard by many more people. There are so many different ways in which one can express themselves today thanks to Snapchat filters or Insta stories or Facebook live. The list is endless and growing day by day.

Picture courtesy: Getty images

While the opportunities are increasing, it's also adding to the registry of challenges because you have to be able to adapt and reinvent yourself or the fame will be fleeting. My presence online has been recent, and sometimes I wish I had started my own channel earlier because those who have been around online longer, have quite a large following just by virtue of having clocked in more hours. Having said that, I don't think it's merely about positioning oneself right. Talent is most important. Look at Mallika Dua. She began uploading videos online a little over a year ago and has achieved so much success already. Snapchat might have allowed her to get there faster, but she would never have made it without talent. It's important to not take any of it for granted- the popularity, the support or the hate-because anyone can enter the game at any time. The graph of people blowing up and then sneaking into oblivion is steep. Fame is fickle and you never know when the spotlight leaves you. No one wants to plateau after they've peaked.

As told to Moeena Halim

Divya Spandana, 34, Politician, Bengaluru

One of the most important tools that helped obscure Prime Minister Narendra Modi's moral disgrace in Gujarat and to trumpet him instead as a development messiah was social media. He fought 2014 on Facebook, exaggerating his own achievements and denigrating the work of others, and will fight 2019 on Whatsapp, already inundated with fake videos, cow propaganda, and other distractions to conceal policy and economic failures. Social media, for leaders, often turns into a one-way channel-being with the people reminds you that public service is a two-way street.

More women will be able to speak up, but trolling is an issue

Social media is a space where we, in theory, are able to express ourselves freely, to engage in debate and discussion. But more often than not, the ones who have the freedom are trolls and men behind anonymous profiles, issuing threats without fear. Women are often at the receiving end of this, and even the most mundane remarks can attract vitriol, sexist attacks, and abuse.

Photo: Yasbant Negi

Questions that the media would have never asked will be asked

One of the tragic realities of our time is that the media is crawling before power, and is slowly getting divided into stark camps. Social media can help us fight back and to stand up-not only to preserve independent voices, but also to preserve the fight for our freedoms.'

As told to Prachi Sibal

Manasi Kirloskar, 27, Executive Director, Kirloskar Systems, Mumbai

Sole heir to the 129-year-old Kirloskar empire, Manasi Kirloskar is a woman of diverse tastes. At 27, she's already executive director of Kirloskar Systems, director of Kirloskar Technologies, and director of Toyota Tsusho. An art graduate from the Rhode Island School of Design, US, and an enthusiastic deep sea diver, the young scion masterfully draws parallels between her passions and her corporate responsibilities.

Painting is your passion and it's also what you pursued in college. When and what made you decide to take on your role at Toyota-Kirloskar? I always knew I had to one day join the family business-it was a given. After my return to India, post-Rhode Island School of Design, I first worked on a greenfield hospital project that was spearheaded by my mother. I later began training at Toyota Kirloskar Motor, on the shop floor. I drew parallels between building a car and making a sculpture- both require skill, technique and creativity. A car and a sculpture are both pieces of art. That exactly, is my approach. I currently work with the Lexus team-a very thrilling and enriching experience. Apart from great engineering, Lexus is also known for amazing design.

What change do you hope to bring in the 129-yearold company you will inherit?

With each generation comes change. Change is very important in order to continue to remain relevant and for diversification. As a fifth generation Kirloskar, I am that change.

Photo: Sudhir Ramchandran

Who or what has been among the biggest influences in your life?

My zest for all things adventure! Deep sea diving and hiking up to mountain peaks help me to be in touch with my vulnerable side. When you're deep in the sea, every breath is calculated. You have to know when exactly to swim to the surface or else you will run out of air and that is dangerous. If I'm afraid of something while diving, I have no choice but to remain calm. Similarly, at work, I have learnt not to panic as it only spreads to the rest of the team. This is easy to forget when you feel like you have total control over your environment, but it's important to realise that we are only a very tiny part of life, and there's more to life than just business and all the madness.

By Moeena Halim

Poonam mahajan, 36, Politician, Mumbai

Two years ago, while speaking in the Parliament on the occasion of International Women's Day, I questioned what it is about human nature that when a woman is successful, people will look for her connections or comment on her character. That she is talented and hardworking is conveniently, and sadly more often than not, overlooked. It angers me particularly because I have been lucky to never see discrimination between men and women in my environment.

People may call me privileged. I am indeed privileged to be raised in a house where my parents never differentiated between their son and daughter. In fact, I was given equal-and maybe more-opportunities and freedom to make my choices. I grew up with those values and that's made me a confident and a positive person. I work with blinkers on, with a single-minded focus on my job. When I first stepped into the political arena more than a decade ago, I didn't let myself feel any bias. As a woman politician, I don't feel the need to behave like a man. I don't feel the need to cut my hair short or wear masculine clothes to assert my authority or to make myself heard. I am comfortable being a woman. The power within me comes from my confidence in my work, my faith in myself, my team and in people. In India, we've seen women rise to the top in politics, business, cinema and various other fields. Within the first few decades of Independence we've had a woman Prime Minister.

Photo: Yasir Iqbal

Conversely, America only allowed women to vote over 140 years after their independence and still has not had a woman President. But as a nation we are a work-in-progress. The average Indian woman-a farmer's wife, a working woman in a city, a housewife, all face discrimination at some level. But then, we are a nation in the throes of development. We are working towards attaining equality between the genders. As women, our focus should be on gender equality and breaking out of the paradigm that casts each gender into certain roles. It was the self-belief my parents instilled in me that has made me resistant to any bias. I want to give India's young women that confidence. Because it is only confidence that will make us not just survive but also thrive in the face of any adversity including gender bias.

As president of the BJP Youth Wing, I encourage young women to join the youth wing and not just the women's wing. In my speeches, I always stress that yuva isn't just a yuvak; it is also the yuvati who is a part of the youth. We need women and men equally. There is bias but as women we should stop blaming men for the challenges we face. We should move ahead confidently, believing in ourselves.'

As told to Aditi Pai

Avani Davda, 38 Managing Director, Godrej Nature's Basket, Mumbai

Introduced to the idea of a conglomerate with my first job at the Tata Administrative Services (TAS), it's where I understood the importance of looking at a business through the lens of humanity and humility. At 34, I became CEO of Tata-Starbucks. Joint ventures are tricky, but the chemistry here was great from the word go.

I can't work in an environment that is not going to align with my values, or with a company that will ask me to do things that I'm ethically uncomfortable with and Godrej, where I work now, is the perfect fit for me because the company mirrored my values. Nature's Basket is currently at an interesting juncture.

We're planning to scale up and are figuring out the right model. Our fiveyear strategy with GNB Refresh is to turn Nature's Basket from an occasional destination to a neighbourhood store. I'm honest, open, disciplined and uncompromising. When I returned to work after my son was born, I told R K Krishna Kumar who I was working with then, that I wanted to be present with my family and would not be able to work weekends unless my involvement was absolutely necessary. I think that transparency helped. You get the reputation of being tough or blunt, but in the long-run, it's useful. I've been fortunate that people took bets on me and allowed me to take on leadership roles at such a young age.

Being offered challenging assignments has helped me build character and not having a regular trajectory sets me aside as a young manager. It has made me a bit of risk-taker when it comes Leading to hiring.'

As told to Moeena Halim