The iron maidens
If Amruta Fadnavis is a banker pursuing her passion for music, Zia Mody is balancing legal battles with motherhood. Sania Mirza refuses to conform while Alia Bhatt is reaching for the stars. Like the Mother Goddess with 10 hands juggling life's many aspects, our past 10 cover women also perform dynamic roles. They give life lessons on how to make it work.
Anuja Chauhan, Author Bangalore, 46
Bangalore-based writer and former ad woman, Anuja Chauhan has built up a formidable cast of spunky women, from Zoya of The Zoya Factor to Jinni of Battle for Bittora. Long before Hindi cinema discovered that single young women could have both spark and sass, Chauhan was toiling away in the wasteland often described as chick lit-a term used loosely for any woman who happens to write on women and liable to set anyone's teeth on edge-to produce fiction both meaningful and fabulous. Chauhan, in her fifth book, has created yet another independent, feisty woman Tehmina Dadyseth, which young actresses in search of sensible roles should immediately pencil into their packed diaries. But more than that, she has crafted a young man with spirit and adventure, and recreated an era, which will give you goosebumps and gobsmacked moments in equal measure. And above all, there is the very relevant debate between national security and individual independence. Here is Chauhan talking about all the modern-day Tehminas and Baazs who would like to speak their mind and live their lives, but may be too afraid to.
Why did you choose to set Baaz in the 1971 war?
We have fighters in the family and they're such a larger than life bunch, so swaggering and largehearted to be with. I'd been crushing secretly on them for years, so I felt it was time to make that crush public. But I also wanted to make it a deeper portrayal than you'd get in Top Gun or a Commando comic, I didn't want to fetishise them, their lives are tough, and complicated and I wanted to capture all that faithfully. I was also sure I wanted to catch the defence services in their prime-back in the day when NDA boys were a prized matrimonial catch and the bloom was still very much on the rise.
Was it heartbreaking to you to write Baaz and Tehmina's characters?
I liked how they're both the coolest cats in their respective spheres-and how, under the superficial differences (she's rich, he's poor, she's seen the world, he's never been out of Haryana) they're actually very similar people. I loved writing the scenes where they figure that out about each other-you know, that high you get when you recognise somebody as your own, your apna. The tragedy of course, is that while on the personal level, there's no conflict at all, on the ideological level,there's this huge yawning chasm.
Interesting you write this as a new culture of not questioning "national security" takes root. Tehmina is a pacifist. She would be more than be lynched now, don't you think?
Totally! Look what happened to Gurmehar Kaur. As a 'fauji' child, I followed the OROP agitations closely. What is tragic is that everybody professes so much love for our soldiers, but it's an insincere, opportunistic love. They've just been made into a sort of holy cow and put up on an altar to be worshipped, and thus, very neatly, muzzled, milked and muted.
As an artist, what do you think of the culture of self censorship around us?
There is self-censorship happenning while writing/reacting to a Facebook post, imagine what goes through the mind of a creative person when they sit down to write a book or a film or a song? Talk about death-by introspection and murder by paranoia.
By Kaveree Bamzai
Zia Mody, Legal consultant, Founding Partner, AZB & Partners, Mumbai
Success to me, from a professional perspective, has meant having the respect of my peers, being secure in the knowledge that whatever I did was correct and done without sacrificing the integrity of my advice for any external reasons, that I was able to institutionalise an organisation, nurture young talent and be a good mentor for a future set of leaders. But striking a balance between my professional and personal life has never been easy. I had three children in quick succession between 1986 and 1990. I founded my own firm in 1984 and so that was also the period of time when I was at my most manic at work. Frankly, I don't think I have mastered the art of striking the perfect balance yet. There are different times in my life where I gave priority to different things. But I think the one lasting guilt I will have, like many working mothers do, is that I didn't give enough time to my children. I try to make peace with it in my head by being there for critical milestones. But for young girls, having a mother around is essential, especially while they're facing those typical teenage issues. That's where I failed to do what I should have perhaps.
I find ways to make up for it, without verbalising it, by being there for my girls (Anjali, Aarti and Aditi), now young women, whenever they reach out to me. And of course, my husband (Jaydev Mody, founder of Delta Corp) as well. I certainly haven't been the stereotypical wife and the only way that our companionship and bond has lasted is because we're both driven, conscious and proud of each other's achievements. I'm aware of the rarity I have found in a husband who isn't insecure, and is in fact extremely proud of me. As a 60-year-old, a piece of advice I'd give to my younger self is to not become obsessive about my work for such a long period of time. Of course, that might have affected where I am right now, but in the long run it would have been worth it. And even in hindsight, I can recognise that if I wanted a career that was growing as fast as it was at that time, I probably would have had to make that sacrifice again.
To young women trying to carve a niche for themselves, I'd say work your brains out before you decide to get married and start a family. Make sure you are respected for what you're doing and establish your reputation. But recognise that you'd need a little time for yourself.
But truth be told, the opportunity for women to ask for things is much more now than it was in the early 1980s. Employers are far more aware of how valuable a woman leader can be. It is virtually impossible for us to have it all. Guilt comes as part of the success package, but it is a manageable guilt. A woman's role is one of motherhood, you can't take that away biologically, nor should you want to. And if that is a role that nature gives us, how much do we fight with it before something snaps in our own head? That's the struggle we all fight with and I don't see that changing.
As told to Moeena Halim
Alia Bhatt, actor, Mumbai, 24
No matter how brilliant you are there's always someone somewhere better than you. Never ever say that you have arrived because that sows the seed of your disintegration." This is one of the many words of wisdom that Mahesh Bhatt shared with his youngest child Alia Bhatt. It tells you of an actor, who even as she earns universal praise with each performance, is adamant to stay grounded. Alia had a fantastic run in 2016 starting off with a small, potent part in Kapoor & Sons. Then came the shock-and-awe performance as the vulnerable, foul-mouthed, dazed but determined Bihari woman in Udta Punjab. She sealed it with Dear Zindagi, in which she beautifully internalised the complexities of a 20-something young woman grappling with love, life and family. "Alia aapne itne kum time mein itna kuch kar liya hai-aapko kaise lagta hain?" she is asked often. Her response, "I genuinely want to find an answer to that. But I don't feel anything." Not knowing your abilities can result in a fascinating journey of selfdiscovery. Alia is on it now.
By Suhani Singh
Meher Pudumjee Chairperson, Thermax Limited, Mumbai, 51
One is constantly shifting between those roles that one is so used to doing- daughter, wife, mother, career woman. Partly it is the script that we have grown up with, the feeling that these different roles and lives need to be lived. And, at the end of the day, there is immense satisfaction in realising one can do well in all these roles, gaining acceptance and affection. Fortunately, I grew up in a home where both my brother and I were treated equally; there weren't any pre-determined roles for either of us to fit into. It was from my mother I understood the importance of balancing work and life. Early in my career, I saw my mother coping with loss and grief. It was inspiring for me to know my mother's strength, her ability to move ahead of setbacks and turn misfortunes to her advantage. I am a firm believer in investing in enduring relationships.
Relationships evolve over time and the most important ingredient in nurturing them is trust. If I have stable relationships at home and at the workplace, where I don't have to agonise over words spoken or decisions made, it leaves me free to do more and contribute better. Trust also works wonders to help others relax better. I think it is like an orchestra where musicians, playing together, trust each other's expertise, instincts and give out their individual best.
As told to Aditi Pai
Sania Mirza, Sportsperson, Hyderabad, Dubai, 30
I think as a woman, I have it in my DNA to multitask. But more seriously, each of these jobs, of a sportsperson, a celebrity, a philanthropist, a wife, a daughter, and a sister, is of supreme importance to me, and hence, I don't feel the strain in finding out time to try and succeed while donning different roles. Finding the perfect balance between the many worlds that I inhabit is not a battle for me. I try to do the best I can and be as true to myself as possible while I do it and trust that everything will take care of itself for the better. But, it isn't easy by any means and it's constant work and effort, which I enjoy.
That said, 'me time' is very important to me especially when I am competing. When I am at tournaments, I try and get as much 'me time' to try and stay fresh and 100 per cent for the matches since it requires complete focus. Whether it is going out for coffee by myself into the city, walks or binge watching shows, it all counts. I think you can have it all as long as you believe you can and are ready to work for it. One piece of advice I would like to give to my younger self though would be to be a little more patient. And I'd like to tell the young women out there trying to achieve different things to just believe in yourself, love what you do and never let anyone convince you that you are not good enough. Half the battle is won!
As told to Moeena Halim
Priti Paul, Director, Apeejay Surrendra Group Morocco, Delhi, 49
She might be shuffling her time travelling across three continents looking after various verticals of the family-owned business (Apeejay Surrendra Group), or busy expanding Oxford Bookstore across the country (one in Delhi and another in Kolkata)- still Priti Paul feels connected and at home the minute she is back at either of her three aesthetically designed abodes in Morocco, London, and India.
Donning several hats with ease, that of a businesswoman, a wife (to Morocco-based hotelier, Jaouad Kadiri), a mother to three young boys, a daughter, a sister, a good team leader with a futuristic vision, and now an author (her book ABC Desi just got published), Paul is grounded and clear about her priorities as a mother and as a businesswoman. "It is very important to not get stuck in behavioural roles, and to make up our mind as what is essential in life, at a particular time. The role of a mother is most important to me, and it overrides everything else," she says.
By Shelly Anand
Zarin Daruwala CEO, Standard Chartered Bank India, Mumbai, 54
As of March 31, 2016, 25 percent of the BSE-listed companies and 11 per cent of the NSE-listed companies did not have a single woman on their board, despite the regulations. I feel, as a country, we have made great strides (about 40 per cent of the banking assets in the country are now controlled by women) but still have a long way to go. The change we want to see will come when organisations not only work towards more recruitment, but also better retention of women. Gender diversity is just smart economics.
To quote Sheryl Sandberg, "We stand on the shoulders of the women who came before us, women who had to fight for the rights that we now take for granted." So, it is our duty to do the same for other women now. Women leaders by default become an ecosystem that supports other women to reach the top, simply by being the motivational factor. My first tip for women would be to find a partner who understands that maintaining a work-life balance is as much his responsibility as yours. Second, use your time effectively and efficiently. I reply to emails and take calls on route to work. It is important to compartmentalise your life; don't carry your work stress to your home or your home stress to work. Lastly, it is important to let go of the guilt. I feel sometimes women are responsible for holding themselves back. We feel guilty that we are not devoting all our time to our children or husband.
As told to Ursila Ali
Tara Thiagarajan Chairman, Madura Microfinance and Founder and Chief Scientist, Sapien Labs, US, 45
It was in boarding school, when I was 10 and wandering off wherever I wanted to go, that I tasted independence for the first time. I suppose that is useful for most things later in life, although not so much in school where I was a bit delinquent and spent more time tracking sea turtles, learning to catch snakes with the Irula tribals and climbing coconut trees than studying.
In 2005, I was working on my postdoctoral research in neurosciences at National Institutes of Health, US, when I unexpectedly got involved with microfinance. My father, K M Thiagarajan founded Bank of Madura and later sold it to ICICI in 2004 (signing a deal between his non-profit and the bank). A debilitating stroke rendered him bedridden, and the operation unravelled. Since rural micro finance was a personal undertaking for my father, I decided to help out with the operations, with no clue as to what I was signing up for. I would google banking terms and it took three years of firefighting operation to overcome structural challenges in setting up Madura. Meanwhile, my doctrate continued over Skype and occassional travel between the two continents. There are a few things I've learned along the way to make things work. First, if you are committed to making it work and are on a budget, prioritise things that buy you time and freedom over material stuff that will just tie you down. Second, put in the effort to build systems so that your household operations work efficiently and don't need daily review. Third, talk to your children about your work often so that they understand what you do, why you do it.
As told to Ursila Ali
Amruta Fadnavis, Banker & Singer, Mumbai, 38
There are times when I wish a day had more than 24 hours because there's so much to do. But I will not cut down my roles-as a mother, wife, banker, singer, activist, despite the challenge of time. After my husband became the Chief Minister of Maharashtra and we moved to Mumbai in 2014, life has naturally become busier. Music is my passion and I do riyaaz every day, it helps me de-stress. So far, I've sung for around 14 Hindi and Marathi films. Banking is another thing I haven't neglected despite my social commitments. Even now, I make it a point to go to work (at Axis Bank- where I've just completed my service of 14 years). Amidst all this, I am a doting mother. I get her ready for school, ensure that I'm with her during bedtime and look into her homework as well. I believe that destiny doesn't depend on the shoes you wear but on the steps you take in life. I respect my husband's position, but I also have my own journey, my own struggles and my own beautiful story to tell.
As told to Aditi Pai
Kareena Kapoor, Actor, Mumbai, 36
She belongs to one of Bollywood's most celebrated families but Kareena Kapoor Khan has earned her laurels on merit. Whether it is playing Geet (Jab We Met, 2007), still the gold standard for spirited young woman on screen, showcasing her comic timing (Golmaal films), being the passionate desi Desdemona (Omkara, 2006) or the brazen sex worker (Chameli, 2003) Kapoor Khan knows how to bring her A game. It's not that she hasn't had her share of questionable choices (Kambakkht Ishq, 2009) and bizarre rejections (Goliyon Ki Rasleela Ram Leela, 2013) but she has managed to hold her ground in Hindi cinema. Post marriage and baby, the actress shows no signs of slowing down. Last year, she walked away with her thespian credentials intact in a subpar film (Ki & Ka), and demonstrated how she asserts maximum impact in minimum time with her performance in Abhishek Chaubhey's drug drama Udta Punjab. From gracing magazine covers with her baby bump to walking the ramp, she demonstrates the acumen of a driven woman. She resumes from where she left off. She will headline the female ensemble drama Veerey Di Wedding. She is staying true to her diktat "I want to be working till I die, till my hands and limbs are working."
By Suhani Singh