The myth of the woke bro

Priya-Alika Elias, Lawyer and writer

The word 'feminism'-that was often heard in the same breath as 'feminazi'-is no longer taboo. It's trendy to be feminist. Feminist groups and collectives are everywhere, feminist memes are increasingly popular, and books about feminism have a varied readership. The other day, I saw a Tinder bio that read "Proud Feminist." It was a man's bio. Even as we commodify feminism, I wonder how many people pretend to be feminists? How many men?

They are known as the "woke bros." These are the men who post Facebook posts about respecting women, or who share news items about celebrity men turning out to be abusers. They are happy to engage any woman in a heated discussion on Germaine Greer or The Feminine Mystique. They talk about their favourite male feminist comedians ("Yaar, Aziz Ansari's bit on feminism helped me to understand how hard it is for women") and share their recommendations for The Last Note Illustration Siddhant jumde feminist movies. They know all the buzzwords "objectifying women", "internalised misogyny", "toxic masculinity." More Indian men are declaring themselves male feminists. To them I say, no thanks.

I may sound ungrateful, but very few of these men are prepared to walk the walk. You see, I don't think of "being woke", or being feminist as an immutable identity. It's not like being born with brown eyes. 'Wokeness' isn't a constant. There are so many "woke bros" who tell me how feminist they are, but I notice that they never call out that one male friend who starts feeling up women when he gets too drunk. They tell me that they were raised to respect women, but they still make sexist jokes in their Whatsapp groups. They don't consume media made by women; instead they rave about unnecessary rape scenes in movies and say things like "Kangana Ranaut is too outspoken, don't you think?" They tell you that you should feel free to send them nude pictures or have sex with them-"I would never judge you for being an empowered, sexually liberated woman!" On a fundamental level, they don't seem to get it. The recent news about Louis CK is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. As I write this, five women have accused the comedian of inappropriate sexual behaviours. This would hardly be shocking, except for the fact that CK has profited tremendously off his feminism. One of his most popular bits is about how men are the #1 danger to women worldwide. He has been described as a feminist comedian for his stances on abortion and sexual harassment. The layers of irony are rich.

As a woman, it's frustrating to see this pattern play out, again and again. Women don't want to do the thankless work of feminism by themselves. We want allies. We want our brothers, our fathers, our male friends, our uncles, and our boyfriends to step up. Not because they will be credited as "one of the good guys" for doing the bare minimum to be a decent person, but because they love and respect us. Being a "woke bro", in this era of online discourse, is easy. Doing the work, however, is not. It requires Indian men to ask painful and uncomfortable questions of themselves. Was there ever a time in which I pressured women into sex? Being woke starts at home, and it requires tough self-examination. Those are the "woke bros" I want to see in the world.