'Bachelor' recap: Corinne and Taylor go head-to-head in Wisconsin
There are two stories to be told this year on The Bachelor. There's the pursuit for Nick’s heart, in which the ladies follow him to visit his home state and act like true Wisconsinites for the week, and then there's and Corinne’s universe with claims that Kristina viciously attacked her, she lost circulation in her fingers while shoveling poop and had panic attacks.
In this new world, we can’t be sure which one is true.
What we do know is that Queen Vanessa is not here for the latter story, which is why she called out Nick on his escapades with Corinne and offered to give back the rose. Meanwhile, as Corinne naps, Taylor and Sarah go to address her and discuss her privilege, which is not something we could have ever anticipated on The Bachelor in the year of our Lord 2017.
With all that said, it’s Christen and Brittany who are cut at the episode’s kickoff, leaving Corinne for another week of mischief. And that mischief will take place in the land of confusing city names: Exotic Wisconsin!
Coffee Shop Crisis
Danielle L lands the first date in sunny Waukesha, where Nick has already met up with his parents, who hilariously tell him to stop going on this show. But Danielle doesn’t get time with Mama and Papa Viall. Instead, they explore the town and run into Nick’s ex at a coffee shop, and as only you do on The Notebook and The Bachelor, they sat down for a chat. Danielle opens up to Nick, but the date is mostly giggles. Nevertheless, she locks in a rose and one of the most coveted show-staples: a special dance at a concert in front of a crowd. She’s two for two, y’all.
The Dangers of Dairy
For the group date, all the girls except Raven join Nick at a dairy farm for the day, but when the group has to shovel poop, Corinne bails, claiming that she lost circulation in her fingers resulting in “a medical emergency.” The drama continues with Corrine when Kristina questions her maturity, but from Corrine’s perspective, she’s just corn. Sweet, buttery corn that needs to be peeled back to reveal what’s inside. Sounds a bit like our girl, Ashley S, and that damn onion. Even with all her layers, Corinne lost the group rose to Kristina, who opened up about her home life to Nick.
You, Me and Bella Make Three
Raven got to go with Nick to his little sister Bella’s soccer game. Let’s take a moment and reflect how Bella has consistently been a champion costar for Nick over three seasons. Big props. But if anyone challenged her charm, it was Raven who seemed to effortlessly work her way through a conversation with Nick’s parents, as well as Bella. The full-blown tears didn’t start though until Raven, Nick, and Bella roller skated along to Sixpence None the Richer’s Kiss Me, throwing everyone back into 1997 like WHOA.
The Good
With absolutely no competition, this week’s designation goes to Raven, who shone in her one-on-one and charmed America with an accent that’s thicker than the poop on Corinne’s designer willies. The moment she shone brightest was during her dinner date, sharing how she caught her former boyfriend cheating on her after she kicked down a door and saw his mistress’ vagina. That’s a direct quote, and you have to love her for it.
The Bad
Though she locked in a one-on-one, Danielle L’s random giggles and awkward floundering while meeting Nick’s suspiciously planted coffee shop ex lands Danielle L in the hot seat. She felt the need to steal him away first at the rose ceremony, as well. Yes, she got the rose, but can you really see her making it to the final rose ceremony? I wouldn’t bet my ex’s coffee on it.
The Viall
For an unprecedented fourth week, Corinne is the viall. Again. This week it’s for comparing herself and her penchant for naps to Michael Jordan and Abraham Lincoln, who “probably took naps” as well. As the one most disconnected from reality, Corinne has firmly planted herself as this season’s villain.
But as the night comes to an end, who knows if she’ll last another week because Corinne confronts Taylor’s animosity toward her, and when it doesn’t go her way, Corinne says she wants to punch her in the face, which kind of proves that whole emotional intelligence thing. Will Taylor leave with all facial bones still in place? Find out next week on Monday at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.
Catch up on the season here:
'Bachelor' premiere recap: Nick Viall gets his (fourth) shot at love
‘Bachelor’ recap, episode 2: Corinne proves she's not here to make friends in wedding photo shoot
'Bachelor' recap, episode 3: The Corinne drama is getting out of hand
