The Joy of Six: nefarious goal-line handballs

1) Ally Robertson (West Brom v Manchester United, 1976)

Ally Robertson’s first tackle in professional football took the ball from George Best’s toes. From that moment West Bromwich Albion’s Scottish teenager began establishing a reputation as a no-nonsense defender, a status hardened a few months later when he played on with a broken leg in a League Cup tie against Charlton Athletic. “You could hear this big crack,” Robertson recalled. “Jeff Astle came running across and said: ‘Quick! Get down – you’ve broken your leg,’ but I said ‘No, no’ and played on until half-time.” Robertson, an imposing player with a long auburn mane and thick moustache, would go on to develop a partnership with another tough defender, John Wile.

So what happened against Manchester United in October 1976 was somewhat out of character. In what was expected to be an even Division One contest, the Baggies had taken an early lead and were 2-0 up before United began to find their feet. In their first meaningful attack the ball broke to the edge of the box, and Lou Macari arrived to leather a volley towards the top-right corner of John Osborne’s goal. From nowhere the hardy Robertson appeared on his goal-line, before springing like a gymnast with the heel flick of a ballerina to punch the ball over the crossbar. It was a spectacular leap and save, the sort you might label “for the cameras” had it been made by a goalkeeper in short sleeves.

Almost exactly 40 years on, Robertson now reflects on a moment when instinct took over. “He shot into the top corner and I went up to try and head it and just punched it,” he says. “I didn’t stand there and think ‘I’ve got to save this.’ The shot was so fast and so hard, I just did it. I think in our day nobody intentionally went to save it and cause a penalty.” After making the save he lay in the goalmouth for a moment before standing sheepishly, hands on hips and head bowed, as the referee took his name. “It was on the telly and if I remember my face is so upset, it was like ‘Good God – what have I done?’”

These being the days before serious punitive measures were in place, he was only booked, so when Osborne saved the penalty it was fair to say Robertson had got away with one. Buoyed, West Brom turned on the style and ran out 4-0 winners. If he could go back, would Robertson do it again? “Yes,” he laughs after a pause. “Because we went on to win the game.”

2) Luis Suárez (Uruguay v Ghana, 2010)

OK, so there is not a lot of joy to be found in knocking Africa’s final hope out of the continent’s first World Cup, especially in such cynical and heartbreaking fashion, but there is something to be admired in the sheer gumption of Luis Suárez and his notorious handball in Uruguay’s 2010 World Cup quarter-final against Ghana.

There was certainly plenty of joy to be found back in Uruguay. Their team had gone behind to Sulley Muntari’s long-range strike before Diego Forlán curled in a free-kick to take the tie to extra-time. The first half was cagey but when legs tired late in the second, Ghana began to dominate. The Uruguay defender Andrés Scotti blocked a dangerous Asamoah Gyan shot, then almost scored an own goal trying to clear another. In the final moments of extra-time Uruguay were fighting to stay in the World Cup.

In the 120th minute a crossed free-kick sparked a scramble. Fernando Muslera, the Uruguay goalkeeper, was all over the place after missing a punch and the defender Jorge Fucile and Suárez both scrambled to the line. Suárez first blocked a certain match-winning goal with his knee, and when the rebound was headed back into the goalmouth, he beat the ball off the line with both hands. It was desperate and blatant and Suárez was sent off, but Ghana had a second chance to score the decisive goal. Gyan stepped forward and crashed the biggest penalty in Ghana’s history against the bar – to wild celebrations by Suárez in the tunnel – and Uruguay triumphed in the ensuing shootout over the shellshocked Ghanaians.

Ghana were devastated but it was a special moment for Uruguay, a football-crazed country who had reached their first semi-final in more than 50 years. As Gus Poyet passionately put it: “You are telling me the player had to let the ball go in? Is that football? I think you call it cheating when you try to score a goal with the hand, to take advantage when the referee cannot see that. But everybody saw that. The referee saw that. He gave the red card. Suárez put himself in front of the whole country and because of that Uruguay is in the semi-finals.”

Four years later, Suárez’s immediate reaction to biting into Giorgio Chiellini’s shoulder in a match in the 2014 finals against Italy would be to deny any wrongdoing, feigning injured incisors. But there was no denial in Johannesburg: parading around the pitch on team-mates’ shoulders swinging his shirt over his head was in poor taste, but this was sheer unadulterated gamesmanship in front of 84,000 fans and millions around the world who had been willing Ghana’s magical run to go on, and he did not dress it up as anything else. “I made the save of the tournament,” Suárez later declared, and he had a point.

3) Steven Taylor (Newcastle United v Aston Villa, 2005)

Sometimes the last-ditch handball is so desperate, the punishment of red card and penalty so drastic, that the perpetrator’s dignity goes out the window. If you’re Luis Suárez that means celebrating heinously; if you’re Newcastle United’s Steven Taylor it means rolling on the floor with all the dramatic subtlety of Matt Damon at the poker table.

With Darius Vassell through on goal and around a beaten Shay Given, Taylor took guard as the last line of defence. His stop was quite brilliant, one of the saves of the season had it been a goalkeeper, but it was his reaction that will forever be embedded in Premier League folklore. Clinging to some minuscule hope that the referee, 10 yards away, might have been enjoying a particularly long blink, Taylor clutched his ribs, doubled back on his knees and writhed on the floor in apparent agony.

Unfortunately for Newcastle the referee saw it for what it was. Taylor glanced up – still holding his side – to see a red card. He rose to his knees seemingly aghast, before one last wonderful attempt to point to his blood-splattered side before remembering himself. Newcastle fans might not have seen the funny side at the time; their team ended up losing the game 3-0 and with eight men after Lee Bowyer and Kieron Dyer traded punches on the pitch.

It was one of several moments of tomfoolery by Taylor, who now plays in MLS with Portland Timbers. On one occasion, when Newcastle were lining up an attacking free-kick, he decided to mimic the Stoke City goalkeeper Asmir Begovic’s every move as he set up his wall. Taylor stood a couple of yards away acting as an infuriating mirror image, sidestepping and gesturing in sync with Begovic to distract him, moments before Yohan Cabaye swept the free-kick into the top corner.

4) Diego Chará (Portland Timbers v Real Salt Lake, 2012)

“Run, Diego, run!” One can only speculate on the exact wording of Diego Chará’s internal monologue after the Portland Timbers’ feisty midfielder found himself in the line of a goalbound header during an MLS game against Real Salt Lake. With the Timbers 2-0 down, he instinctively leant his body to the right where a combination of knee and hand stopped the ball dead. It bounced, his goalkeeper collected it, and appealing Salt Lake arms went up. And Chará legged it.

For what must have seemed a blissful second or two, the Colombian ran, his panic dissipating as he fled through a crowd of stunned players on both sides waving their arms either in dismay or denial. But his break for freedom was shortlived; he never even made it out of the Timbers’ penalty area before the whistle blew. The referee wasn’t sure what he had seen but his assistant was certain, and after a quick consultation they awarded a penalty. Chará, who had already been booked after a bout of angry chest-pushing five minutes earlier, was shown a straight red card and the Salt Lake forward Álvaro Saborío completed his hat-trick from the spot.

5) Ciaran Kilheeney (Droylsden v Blyth Spartans, 2011)

Every now and then someone gets away with it. The FA Trophy third-round match between Blyth Spartans and Droylsden was nearing full-time with the score 2-2 and a replay beckoning. In the final minutes Blyth Spartans won a corner. It was floated deep, then headed back towards the six-yard box and nodded over the goalkeeper, seemingly destined to drop just inside the far post. But the Droylsden forward Ciaran Kilheeney had other ideas and leapt back to swat the ball away from his goal, prompting a screaming appeal from the Spartans players and their 700 fans.

The moment was caught on camera and the footage is enhanced immeasurably by a fan’s cry of “Oh, never!” out of shot when, incredibly, play was allowed to continue. Kilheeney, who is nicknamed Killer, picked himself up and scarpered with his team-mates but justice did eventually prevail: perhaps feeling a little sheepish after the “clearance” went viral, Droylsden were thumped 4-0 in the replay that never should have been.

6) César Martins (Flamengo v Palmeiras, 2016)

César Martins’s loan spell at Flamengo had started well. The powerful centre-back with a laidback approach to life was sent to the Brazilian side by his parent club Benfica in 2015 to gain experience, and he quickly secured a place in Flamengo’s starting XI. The club were impressed and retained the defender for the start of the 2016 Brasileiro Série A season – a disastrous time for Martins that would come to an end with an outrageous handball.

During his first weeks back in his second season with Flamengo, Martins was targeted by youths outside a supermarket who hurled abuse at his family and threw beer bottles at his car. It was thought the incident, committed by Flamengo fans, would end his time in Rio de Janiero. Instead he stayed, denouncing the “petty acts” and restating his commitment to the club, but a long injury layoff then kept the 22-year-old out of the side for several weeks. After a torrid time he must have been relieved to eventually get back in Flamengo’s red and black stripes in a 2-1 win over Ponte Preta, yet two games later it was over.

Palmeiras and Flamengo were locked at 1-1 with 20 minutes remaining when a high ball forward released the Palmeiras striker Gabriel Jesus. The teenager bumped a defender away before looping a shot over the goalkeeper towards the near-empty net. Step forward Martins with perhaps the most spectacular effort on this list, leaping four feet off the ground, back arched, legs tucked underneath him, to beat the ball over his crossbar with a strong right hand.

It was absurdly blatant and entirely pointless: in sheer contrast to Robertson’s success story Martins received a red card, Palmeiras scored the penalty, Flamengo lost the match, and the defender was banned for six matches – a mandatory three and a further three for a breach of the game’s ethical code. The suspension took Martins close to the end of his loan contract so he packed his bags and returned to Benfica.

Once he had left, Martins revelled in his infamy. First he tweeted a mocked-up picture of himself as a goalkeeper; then when the Palmeiras No1 Fernando Prass picked up an injury, Martins joked that he was “gutted” not to be picked to replace him; and in a long, heartfelt and largely self-indulgent farewell message to Flamengo fans on Facebook, Martins signed off with the line: “I know you guys loved my super save … Big hugs, César Martins.”