Clive Allen. David Unsworth. Robbie Keane. Sol Campbell. Grandpa Simpson. Robert Jarni. And now, perhaps, Henrikh Mkhitaryan. Yes, the word on the street is that one of Manchester United’s much-vaunted summer signings could join the ranks of the briefest of transfers. The Armenian’s absence from the United squad has been conspicuous recently, as the team flounders and founders with him not even sitting on the bench, and word around the campfire (the campfire next to the street) is that José Mourinho has seen enough, set to pack Mkhitaryan off to whoever will have him. Poor ol’ Henrikh.
Still, onwards and upwards, eh? United won’t wallow in their misery for too long, and already have eyes on someone else to bring in. Thing is, 89 other teams have got the same idea about young Alexander Isak, rather inevitably dubbed ‘the new Zlatan’ on the basis that he’s a) tall, b) Swedish, c) a striker and d) people are apparently unable to conceive of something or someone unless it’s lazily compared to something or someone they already know. Anyway, anyone who’s anyone was there to watch the AIK forward recently, with scouts from Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, Bayern Munich and Chelsea among the throng to give him the once-over. In other United/comparison news, they’ve also been scouting Goncalo Guedes – or, ‘the new Cristiano Ronaldo Goncalo Guedes’ to give him his full name.
Antonio Rüdiger might not have a lazy comparison to follow him around, but as he’s German and plays for Roma, let’s call him ‘the new Rudi Völler’. Of course Rüdiger isn’t a striker and doesn’t have a lovely perm, but accuracy isn’t the point here. Centre-back Rüdiger is apparently the subject of interest from Chelsea, who are prepping a £35m bid to bag their man before United can sort themselves out.
“GIVE IT GIGGSEH TIL END OF THE SEASON” is the cry from Greater Manchester, but this is not an optimistic shout from some of Ryan’s old pals in the media for him to replace Mourinho. Wigan are in need of a new manager, having placed Gary Caldwell aboard HMS Do One on Tuesday, and word is they want the ol’ Welsh flyer/assistant to two failed United regimes to fill the job. A rival candidate is Karl Robinson, binned off by MK Dons recently, which just goes to show that in football, you need neither qualifications, relevant experience nor to have succeeded in your last job to get work. Although, we concede, that is a bit rich coming from the Mill.
Speaking of managerial positions in the Championship, Wolves are supposedly keen on the former Olympiakos manager Marco Silva to replace the recently-departed Walter Zenga, although other names in the frame include Sam Allardyce and Willy Sagnol. The latter because Wolves director Jeff Shi recently started following him on Twitter, the former because, well, why not?
A quick roundup of some irritatingly precocious kids doing the transfer rounds, to end with: 17-year-old Uruguayan forward Agustin Dávila has recently completed a trial at Liverpool, and is up for making that stay a little more permanent; Arsenal are sniffing around Juventus kid Moise Kean; and loads of people are looking at Celtic’s Karamóko Dembele, including England, on the basis that he was born in London, but the Scottish FA say they will fight ‘tooth and nail’ to keep him for Gordon’s brave boys.