Alain de Botton's lesson on dick pics comes up short

We’re sorry, this feature is currently unavailable. We’re working to restore it. Please try again later.

Advertisement

This was published 7 years ago

Alain de Botton's lesson on dick pics comes up short

By Ruby Schwartz
Updated

I was living vicariously through my friend's singledom recently, swiping through her Tinder account. After many swipes left, I was sufficiently bored of seeing mirror selfies, gym equipment and bulging muscles. With permission, I turned to her message folder. Opening message after message a theme became apparent – guys love to send unsolicited, unwanted pictures of their junk.

Having just researched the cyber harassment of women on social media over the last year, I wasn't surprised. This experience did, however, create intrigue – I wanted to know more about this particular phenomenon. I decided to do some research, and soon came across a video produced by The School of Life, titled The Dick Pic. I'd been to a couple of classes at The School of Life in Melbourne before and liked their mission – it is a place devoted to "developing emotional intelligence through the help of culture." However, this dick pic video made me mad.

A video by Alain de Botton's School of Life encourages more men to "give dick pics a go." Really?

A video by Alain de Botton's School of Life encourages more men to "give dick pics a go." Really?Credit: Stocksy

The Dick Pic, according to Alain de Botton (the narrator of the video and founder of The School of Life) can "tell us about what lies at the heart of our sexuality, and our search for intimacy".

Rather than an expression of arrogance, the dick pic is presented as an "exercise in vulnerability". People may laugh at it, which is "what makes it such a gamble," he says. When it "goes right", however, "it is a symbol of closeness". Men who send dick pics are "searching for a kind of friendship through an act of revelation," de Botton insists.

A still from the School of Life video.

A still from the School of Life video.

To say that this assessment of dick pic culture is vastly mistaken is an understatement.

Women do not respond to dick pics with either laughter (how hilarious, check out this penis I was just sent), or with feelings of warmth and closeness (this new guy I'm seeing just sent me a picture of his dick, how sweet) – although these are two potential reactions. For many women, opening their inbox or messages to find photos of penises that were not requested can be incredibly invasive and upsetting. In fact, the practice is widely considered a form of online sexual harassment.

Instead of asking men to consider the feelings of women before they hit send on something that can be extremely upsetting and violating, this video places the burden of understanding on women. Women are expected to do the emotional labour of understanding and thus accepting the behaviour because apparently it's about "honesty".

While undoubtedly some women revel in requesting a sneaky dick pic or two, the vast majority of women are doing much to avoid receiving these images in their inboxes. Model Emily Sears contacts the partners of men who send her unsolicited dick pics to bring attention to the problem. An online petition was also recently created (along with the video below) urging Facebook to ban users from sending unsolicited dick pics – so far it has received almost 20,000 signatures.

Advertisement
The video says sending dick pics is not about arrogance, but vulnerability.

The video says sending dick pics is not about arrogance, but vulnerability. Credit: School of Life

There are also so many other potential (and more accurate) ways to describe the intention behind sending a dick pic than an as expression of vulnerability. Perhaps, some men do it for the thrill. Others, for the sexual gratification.

Whitney Bell, an artist who turned unsolicited dick pics she has received into an art show recently explained to Vice that sending a dick pic is about power: "It's about these guys wanting to exert that control. These guys, they get off knowing that they force some girl to see it."

Alain de Botton.

Alain de Botton.

Even more sinisterly, dick pics can be used as a tool to scare women out of online spaces. Indeed, some of the screenshots Clementine Ford posted on her blog last year highlight this violent, threatening side of the dick pic.

Do you know where the supposed "vulnerability" that drives men to send dick pics comes from? Penis shame. Yes. In this video, the penis is referred to as an "area of potential disgust and ridicule". While penises can definitely be criticised for their shape and size – they are very rarely seen as gross and disgusting. Perhaps Alain de Botton might just be mistaking the penis for the vagina?

Even if we accept the argument that dick pics are an important exercise in vulnerability that help men overcome penis shame – there is no mention of this being similarly important for women. Perhaps that's because "vagina pics" aren't a cultural phenomenon. And why might that be? Perhaps because dick pics are indeed a form of masculine domination, and in fact it is women's sexuality and sex organs, not men's, that are demonised and shamed in our culture.

Many comments left on the video expressed concern about the message this video might be sending. One user wrote: "The reason why dick pictures are seen as a bad thing is because the vast majority are sent without consent." Others joked about the lessons imparted from the video: "So what I'm hearing is everyone should send you lots of dick pics. I'll get right on it."

The School of Life responded to these messages, stating: "Unsolicited images are appalling and we in no way condone them – and apologise if there was any ambiguity on this score."

A few days later, when I went back to re-watch the video, I found that it had been removed. I figured the producers must have realised the unintended, and potentially damaging, message they were sending. However, in recent days it has returned to their YouTube channel, with almost no changes.

There is still no distinction made between solicited and unsolicited dick pics in the current video. In fact, at the end, it still kindly suggests that "some people should give dick pics a go".

While this bold statement was followed up, noting it should specifically be tried by people "who are excessively tentative and anxious around making a direct commitment to their lovers" – I was still baffled. Despite thousands of women actively trying to stop the assault of unsolicited dick pics, this video encourages more people to give it a go, without mentioning the harm the phenomenon can have on recipients who cop an eyeful without their consent.

I guess however – if there is one positive aspect to the message – it will hopefully convince some of the men sending these images that in doing so they are making themselves vulnerable. I'm sure that's the very last thing anyone sending unsolicited dick pics wants to hear.

*Update: The video has again been removed from YouTube. The School of Life has not responded to requests for comment.

Ruby Schwartz is completing her Honours thesis on the gendered nature of cyber harassment at the University of Melbourne.

Most Viewed in Lifestyle

Loading