Pep Guardiola is a footballing genius, able to appreciate things that escape mere mortals. And he was at it again yesterday, identifying some lad called Lionel Messi as a player he’d like to sign – no doubt to convert him into a full-back. But Guardiola does not actually intend to sign the aforementioned because, altruist that he is, he thinks it more important that yerman stay at Barcelona – a sentiment that must be especially relished by Schalke and Everton, among others. Presumably Sheikh Mansour and his chumsies were equally moved by this loyalty and honour.
Elsewhere, after buying David Luiz in the summer, Chelsea are on the lookout for a centre-back. Milan’s Alessio Romagnoli turned them down during the last transfer window but in the next Antonio Conte plans to up his offer to “£49m” because, of course, £50m would be crass, vulgar and absurd, especially when he already has John Terry.
But Romagnoli is not the only such type on Chelsea’s radar – they are also monitoring Képler Laveran Lima Ferreira, better known as “that absolute joker, Pepe”. Out of contract at the end of the season, though Real Madrid are happy to offer him a one-year extension, he is holding out for two, and may opt to leave should it not be forthcoming. But the likelihood is that the move will be blocked, international law deeming his prospective partnership with Luiz as too hilarious to be morally legitimate.
As such, Chelsea are also keen on Presnel Kimpembe, Paris Saint-Germain’s 21-year-old defender. Given a chance by Thiago Silva’s injury and Marquinhos’s trip to the Olympics, Kimpembe has enjoyed an outstanding start to the season, establishing himself as a first choice and also earning a callup to the French squad. Manchester United and Liverpool are also interested, while PSG hope he will re-sign with them.
Talking of Thiago Silva, his agent, the great Paulo Tonietto, has been talking to the press, because why wouldn’t he? Oh and Silva is another whose contract expires in the summer. “We can imagine leaving PSG if the club have not made us an offer by then,” he said. “We already have offers from three or four big teams. But Thiago’s desire is to stay at PSG. He is feeling very well in Paris, as is his family.” Which, for those uninitiated in the old lingo, roughly translates as “GIZ US ALL THE MONEY!”
Meanwhile, more centre-back speculation can be found at Anfield, to where Jürgen Klopp would like to bring Fabian Schär. The Swiss international excelled at Basel before moving to Hoffenheim, and is also wanted by Internazionale. He is under contract until 2019, but Liverpool are confident that they can chuck sufficient zeroes at all concerned for him to have always dreamed of perpetually perambulating in company.
And finally, the original Ronaldo is a fan of Philippe Coutinho, so has asked him to move to Real Madrid, where there appears to be a vacancy for someone who does nothing in almost every game, but occasionally panels in a spectacular goal. The deal, though is unlikely to happen as Coutinho’s contract at Liverpool runs until 2020, which means he would cost a lot of money and Madrid are straight out of training grounds to sell to the state on favourable terms. It’s an outrage!