Have you ever tried to get something that you shouldn’t through US Customs? Frankly, I don’t know how people summon the nerve. Whether it’s illegal drugs, exotic animal meat, or counterfeit purses, people will try to smuggle just about anything. And everyone seems to have their own favorite hiding places. But if any of your favorites are on the list below, you might want to rethink your life choices.
Gizmodo has obtained a list of items confiscated by US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) over this past summer at the 23 different ports of entry in Florida. The list contains over 4,100 items, and while it appears some were confiscated by travelers at airports, others were coming in from commercial shipping vessels.
The two lists below are a non-comprehensive collection of things that people used to conceal their illicit items, along with the items themselves. Unfortunately, CBP didn’t match up the items that were being smuggled with the way they were being transported, but it certainly provides a fun guessing game. Did someone try to smuggle brass knuckles... in... bags of marinade? Probably not. But again, this was in Florida. So you never know.
Just kidding, Florida. But seriously, please don’t give us a President Trump. We promise to stop making fun of you with all the “Florida Man” jokes if you just make sure we don’t get a neo-fascist in the White House.
Methods of concealment (May 25, 2016 - August 25, 2016):
- Airbags
- Bags of marinade [flavor unspecified]
- Baseball caps
- Birthday card
- Books
- Box of Legos
- Candles
- Candy
- CD case
- Comic book
- Computer bag
- Computer part
- Cooling fans
- DVD case
- Father’s Day card
- FedEx envelope
- Hair gel jars
- Jamieson Omega 3-6-9 bottle
- Jeans
- Laptop computer bag
- LED light
- Lego set
- Lighter as a gift
- Louis Vuitton bag
- Malta drink can
- Metal handicraft
- Mickey Mouse satchel
- Mug
- Napkin holder
- Pair of boots
- Perfume bottle
- Porridge packets
- Portable gas grill
- Printer cartridges
- Puzzle
- Small toys
- Socks
- Talking Genius speakers
- Talking Logitech speakers
- Toner laser cartridge
- Undergarments
So what was seized? There’s the stuff you might expect, like weed, cocaine, and prescription drugs. And the stuff you might not, like DVD box sets of the 1972-1985 British sitcom Are You Being Served. And 48 pounds of cheese. Which are things US Customs agents actually seized. They also took something listed simply as “poem books.” Were the poems too racy for America?
Customs and Border Protection also seized cars, from a 1985 Humvee to a 1999 Rover Mini. There was also a 1998 military truck in there. And ammunition. Like, a lot of ammunition. And pork. So much fucking pork. It’s incredible how many people tried to bring pork into Florida from all over the world this summer and US Customs, for one reason or another, wasn’t having it.
I completely understand why Customs seized some of the items. But others I really don’t get. Like a single turkey sandwich? Or a lone Pokemon ball? Or, again, “poem books.” I reached out to US Customs and Border Patrol in Florida to ask about why seemingly innocuous things like “Disney Collector pins” or “Ham sandwich” were confiscated, and was told that I’d have to get those answers from the Freedom of Information office where I got this list. So (hopefully) look for a follow-up to this post in a month or two.
When I compared Florida’s list to other states (with admittedly far fewer ports of entry) from this past summer, it seems like Florida’s 4,100 seizures, for just May 25 to August 25, was pretty high. By comparison, Oregon had just 47 seizures. Utah had just one. Arkansas had zero seizures this summer, based on the results of other Freedom of Information Act requests filed by Gizmodo.
There’s also a listing that just reads “Captain America” as one of the things that was confiscated in Florida. It feels like someone should probably check on that. Did Captain America get held up at Customs in Miami, or what?
I’ve listed items that sound both strange and mundane to make the list below a fairly representative sample. And if you see Captain America on the street, ask him why he was confiscated by Customs in Florida.
Items seized in Florida (May 25, 2016 - August 25, 2016):
- 1985 AM General Humvee
- 1995 Rover Mini1300
- 1998 ST&ST M1088 Military Truck
- 1999 Rover Mini
- 2014 Toyota Camry
- 2016 Polaris Ranger UTV (Pink)
- 2016 Polaris Ranger UTV (White)
- $10 bill (counterfeit)
- Acetaminophen with codeine
- Altered passports (Honduras, Guatemala, Sierra Leone, South Africa Venezuela)
- Apples
- Apple chargers
- Apple headphones
- Apple iPhone 6 (counterfeit)
- Apple LCD Screens
- Apple Macbooks
- Are You Being Served DVD box sets
- Assorted starfish
- Avian skull (Peru)
- Avocados
- Balancing scooters
- Bass Pro Shops cap
- Beach Body DVDs
- Beats by Dr. Dre headphones
- Beef empanadas
- Belkin car chargers
- Ben Nye Banana powder
- Birth control pills
- Blood sausage (2kg)
- Bodybuilding supplements
- Botox
- Brass knuckles
- Brazilian passports
- Brownwells AR15 30 round magazines
- BSA 22 Riflescope
- Burberry shirts (counterfeit)
- Buttstock
- Cannabis infused coconut oil
- Captain America
- Captopril (25mg)
- Caterpillar nozzles
- Cellphone jammer
- Chanel gold earrings
- Chanel iPhone case
- Chanel necklaces
- Chanel purse
- Chanel wallets
- Cheese (30lbs, over USDA quota)
- Cheese (38lbs, over USDA quota)
- Cheese (48lbs, over USDA quota)
- Clomid (50mg)
- Clonazepam
- Cocaine (62lbs)
- Cocaine (Black bag)
- Cocaine (Brown bag)
- Cocaine (Shoes)
- Cocaine concealed in HP Pavilian laptop
- Cocaine concealed in steel bars
- Cocaine in box
- Cocaine vaginal insert
- Cocaine (carry on bag)
- Coca Cola
- Cockfighting spurs
- Cojiba Cuban cigars (25)
- Collapsible steel baton
- Conch meat (12lbs)
- Cuban cigars (Diplomaticis el Embajador)
- Cuban cigars (Petit Piramides)
- Cuban cigars (Cohiba)
- Cuban cigars (Juan Lopez Seleccion No. 1)
- Cuban cigars (Por Larranaga - Opera)
- Crystal methamphetamines
- Dell laptop
- Denver Broncos SB 50 Championship Ring
- Diazepam (5mg)
- Dimethyltryptamine (DMT) powder
- Disney - Baby Einstein DVDs
- Disney Collector Pins
- Disney Frozen character costumes
- Dunhill cigarettes
- Drum magazine
- DVDs - MASH TV series
- DVDs - Star Trek, Next Generation
- DVDs - Star Trek, Voyager Series
- E-Cig vapor cartridges with residue
- Ecstasy (1.38lbs)
- Ferrari phone cover
- Fish bladder
- Flying fairy
- Florida driver’s licenses (counterfeit)
- Ford Motor Co auto parts labels
- FUB-AMB synthetic cannabinoids marijuana
- Girl shoes
- Glass pipes - black and clear 9 1/2 inch
- Glock 19 9mm
- Glock 9mm 30 round firearm magazine
- Glock barrel 23, 40 cal conv to 9mm
- Goat meat
- Gucci belts
- Gucci purses
- Gucci sneaker
- Gucci watch
- Ham
- Ham and cheese pastries
- Ham sandwich
- Ham sandwiches (0.5kg)
- Hatching eggs from Brazil
- Hatching eggs (16EA) Thailand
- Hatching eggs (30EA) NL
- HDMI cables
- Hello Kitty earrings (counterfeit)
- Holographic weapon sight
- Honduran birth certificates
- Huawei cellphone faceplates
- Humanitarian release
- Ibuprofen
- Iguana meat (o.31kg)
- Iguana meat and eggs
- Illinois drivers licenses (counterfeit)
- Jeep/ Fuel tank cap
- Ketamine (10ML)
- Lacoste bags
- Lacoste shirts (counterfeit)
- Lacoste sneakers
- Lacoste wallets
- Laser sight
- Lego set
- Levis sweaters
- LG HBS-800 headphones
- LG HBS-900 headphones
- Liquid cocaine
- Louis Vuitton bag
- Louis Vuitton belts
- Louis Vuitton eyeglasses
- Louis Vuitton footwear
- Louis Vuitton leather belts
- Louis Vuitton necklaces
- Louis Vuitton phone covers
- Louis Vuitton rose gold earrings
- Louis Vuitton wallets
- LSD
- Mac lipstick (counterfeit)
- Marijuana seeds
- Marijuana - Kushy Punch Gummy
- Marijuana cream
- Marijuana grinders
- Marijuana oil
- Marijuana seed (0.01 gram)
- Meth (bags containing 0.56 grams)
- Mickey/Minnie Chain/Earrings (counterfeit)
- Mickey Mouse pajamas
- Micro SD (64 GB)
- Micro SD (16 GB)
- Micro SD (2 GB)
- Micro SD (32 GB)
- Micro SD (4 GB)
- Micro SD (8GB)
- Micro SD memory cards 128GB
- Milwaukee Bucks cap
- Mini flags
- Miscellaneous documents
- Monsters Inc phone covers
- Mouse pads
- NBA hats (counterfeit)
- NFL jerseys (counterfeit)
- Nike bag
- Nike cleats
- Nike Lebron James shoes
- Nike shorts
- Nike socks
- Oakley gloves (counterfeit)
- Otter box phone cases
- Oxycodone
- Oxymetholone 50
- Pack of envelopes
- Packing box
- Packing tape
- Padlock
- Pamphlet
- Peppa Pig earring (counterfeit)
- Pistol
- Plants for planting
- Plastic piggy banks
- Plastic vial with methamphetamine
- Playing cards
- PMAG 30 AR/M4 GEN M2
- PMAG 5.56x45 AR-15 magazine
- Poem books
- Pokemon ball
- Porcupine quills (0.03lbs)
- Pork blood sausage
- Pork meat tamales (2kg)
- Pork meat tamales (8kg)
- Poke pate
- Pork rinds
- Pork sandwich (0.5kg)
- Pork sausage (1kg)
- Pork skins
- Pork (hot dogs)
- Pork/beef sausages
- Pork mortadella
- Pot holder
- Princess peppa sneakers
- Pro mag .380
- Pro mag 9mm pistol magazine
- Psilocybin truffles
- Pumpkin seeds
- Puzzle box
- PXP3 Gameboy with Spiderman image
- Real Madrid hats
- Red dot sights
- Rifle stock
- Ritalina (10mg)
- Rolex Cellini watch
- Rolex Day-Date Presidential watches
- Rolex Oyster watch
- Rolex watch Daytona
- Rose apple seeds
- Ruger trigger guard laser
- Ruger 9E
- Ruger LCR .38 SPL
- Ruminant meat
- S&W 9mm pistol magazine
- Samsung cellphone faceplates
- Samsung Galaxy 4 cellphones
- Samsung Galaxy Note S7 cellphones
- Shells
- Shirt
- Sim cards
- Skittles bag
- Skullcandy earphones
- Slimming suit
- Smith & Wesson Bodyguard .380
- Smith & Wesson M&P 9 Shield
- Smith & Wesson Model 66/357 Magnum
- Smith & Wesson Revolver 38 special
- Smoke grenades
- Smurfs toy action figures
- Soap set
- Sodium chloride
- Soft cheese
- Sony MDR-1A headphone
- Sony LT25 digitizers
- Sony M4 cellphone digitizers
- Sony PS3 wireless controllers
- Sony Walkman mini radios
- Stanozolol (10ML)
- Stanozolol (25mg)
- Stanozolol (50mg) steroids
- Stanozolol vial (10ML)
- Straw
- Sterile needles
- Steroids/dianabol
- Stun gun
- Sunflower seeds
- Super Bowl rings
- Sweet limes
- Switchblade knives
- Synthetic LSD
- Syringes
- Tag Huer watch (counterfeit)
- Toyota emblems
- Tulsky SVT40 rifle
- Turkey sandwich (1kg)
- Turtle meat from NK 434
- Unknown beige rock
- Unknown blue pills
- Unknown blue tablets
- Unknown leaves
- Unknown pill
- Unknown plant
- Unknown seeds
- Unknown white pills
- Unknown white pills- with dividing line
- Unknown white round pills
- Unknown yellow pills
- US currency concealed in G hand bag
- US currency concealed in grey Guess bag
- US currency concealed in LV purse
- US currency concealed in Mickey mouse bag
- Usain Bolt tee shirt
- Viagra (counterfeit)
- Viagra labels
- Vitamin B6
- Wells Fargo Cashier’s Check ($50,000)
- Xanax
- X-Box One controllers
- Yam
- Yellow bars with silver rings
- Yellow colored watch
- Zeiss rifle scope (counterfeit)
- Zolpidem
Again, this is an incomplete list. But if you want to see the full list, I’ve uploaded it here.
Florida, seized items (May 25, 2016 - August 25, 2016)