As soon as Brittany Simon, 23, rolls up to Squares’ recent opening night in Nomad wearing a Revolve dress and carrying a Chanel bag, she breathes a sigh of relief.
“There’s finally a reason to go to Nomad at night,” says Simon, who works in public relations. “You go to Brother Jimmy’s just a few blocks away, and you’re attacked by Murray Hill bros. The guys here are way more attractive.”
Michael Stillman, who owns Quality Eats and Smith & Wollensky, opened Squares earlier this month. Located in the space of Stillman’s former tiki bar Riff Raff’s, the new watering hole replaced the former’s palm tree décor and younger crowd with a sleeker design and yuppie clientele.
And Simon, who’s clinking flutes of Champagne with guests sporting YSL clutches, approves.
“Riff Raff’s was a s - - tshow,” she says. “People’s bottles would be swiped . . . People here are much classier.”
Squares has already attracted A-listers including A$AP Rocky and Kendall Jenner. On opening night, socialite Hannah Bronfman is DJ’ing and Jennifer Lopez makes a surprise appearance. She’s kind of low-key (even with an entourage of bodyguards) while jamming out to a live jazz performance by Cole Ramstad and St. Lucia.
Unlike megaclubs in the Meatpacking District that are rife with industrial décor, bandage dresses and bridge-and-tunnel partygoers, Squares has a cheekier vibe with a pixel-like design. Walls are lined with Japanese porcelain tiles and hand-glazed with illustrations of a deer head, a bouquet of roses and a fireplace. Cocktails are served in Lego Moscow Mule cups.
“People who went to traditional, Harvard-like clubs in the ’20s and ’30s were thought of as stodgy, or ‘Squares,’ ” Eric Adolfsen, art director at Reunion Goods & Services and co-designer of the venue, tells The Post. “We wanted to take funny stereotypes of an old club — like a trophy animal or a fireplace — and turn it on its head.”
And during opening night, Klara Vrtalova, a 21-year-old model based on the Upper East Side, is in on the joke as she laughs off cheesy pickup lines from well-suited bankers before dancing to a Justin Bieber remix with her 43-year-old boyfriend, Mory Traore.
“I go a lot to Up&Down,” Vrtalova says of the Meatpacking District club, “but it’s more fun here.” Clad in a Calypso frock and Diesel booties, she adds, “People here don’t take themselves too seriously.”
While Squares says there is no door policy, pretty women and guys who can afford bottle service are waved in front, and by 1 a.m., a line stretches half a block.
“Hopefully, they keep this door status to keep the crowd cool,” Simon says. “Riff Raff’s used to be cool, too, before it went bad . . . A lot can change after a few months.”
