Writingland is a lot like Zombieland. Writers who inhabit Writingland kill their writing only to have it resurrect, which may or may not be a bad thing. It’s all a matter of perspective. Regardless, Writingland is no walk in the park. It’s kill or be killed. The writers who live here do so because they have embraced some rules, most of which come from the rules of Zombieland. 1. Cardio. If you plan to live for any length of time in Writingland, you have to be able to kill your writing or, at the very least, to outrun it. Don’t let it kill you. 2. Double tap. If it becomes necessary to kill your writing, make sure that it’s dead. Always double tap. 3. Beware of bathrooms (and other small rooms). Never write yourself into a corner. Leave room for experimentation. Allow the writing to go where it needs to go. 4. Check the backseat. Check your work area before settling in to write. Make sure it’s clear of zombies and other distractions. 5. Wear seatbelts. The writing life is a bumpy ride. Buckle up. 6. Cast iron skillet. A skillet comes in handy when your writing acts like a dunce. Clobber it into submission. See rule #2. 7. Travel light. Don’t get too attached to your writing. You’ll have to kill it at some point. 8. Get a kick-ass partner. If you can’t bring yourself to kill the writing, find a kick-ass partner who will do the dirty work. 9. Bounty paper towels. Writing is messy, especially if your first or second shot isn’t a clean one. Clean up the mess. 10. Bowling balls. Bowling balls should be used in emergency situations only. If you think you can save some part of the writing, don't use one. It decimates the writing and leaves you with incomprehensible tatters. 11. Don’t (or do) be a hero. Some writing isn’t salvageable. Learn when to be and not to be a hero. 12. Limber up. Haven’t written in awhile? Stretch those writing muscles before you start the actual labor. 13. Avoid strip clubs. Impossible. Every time you hit publish, you put the writing on display. Some people will like it; some won’t. Deal with it. 14. When in doubt, know your way out. You’re going to get stuck in a draft. Plan an escape route. 15. The buddy system. It’s best to travel in pairs. Your buddy probably will not be your kick-ass partner. Reference rule #8. 16. Enjoy the little things. Don't let your writing consume you. Remember to enjoy the little things. 17. Swiss Army knife. Clobbering the writing doesn’t always work. Sometimes, you have to hack away at it to find something durable. 18. Hygiene. Be clean and presentable at all times, even if your writing isn’t. 19. Always have backup. Buddy systems fail. Kick-ass partners disappear. Killing utensils may not be readily available. Develop a back-up plan. 21. Ziploc bags (from a deleted scene in Zombieland). You’re going to stumble upon other ideas. Save them.