Teenager dies after chopping off manhood after dad refused to treat him for gonorrhea

A certain Ugandan teenager must be enjoying one of the most privileged positions in heaven, to which he ascended a week ago. The seventeen-year-old seems to have chosen to execute the requirements of the Holy Book to the letter, and now he must be seated not very far from his heavenly father.

The fortunate young man, as widely reported in the local media, happened to contract an adult disease called gonorrhea. Well, there is only one popular way to contract gonorrhea for us in Uganda – it is through some pleasurable exercise.

Maybe there are others, but the young man must have known that he had sinned because even his own father refused to pay for his treatment, saying he was not the one who had sent him to go and catch the “disease of the warriors”.

So the young man was there, staring at the offensive organ that was getting itchier and leakier every day. It must have been at that juncture that he recalled the holy writ – that if your arm sins, cut it off. If your eye strays in the wrong direction, pluck it out. For it is better to go to heaven with one eye or one arm that go to hell with both eyes or arms. Or words to that effect.

offensive organ

So the deeply spiritual, pious and obviously prayerful young man sharpened his knife. He proceeded to cut off not just the offensive organ, but all the accompanying ones on the exterior that he could reach. The police officer commanding the district in which the holy tragedy occurred went on TV and did better than many female Biology teachers who fell shy when it comes to calling a spade a spade.

The tough cop described the surgery the young man had conducted on himself without anesthesia in graphic detail. He even explained that the young man had decided it was better to stay without the offensive organ. And so, presumably, off to heaven he went, without the sinful organ.

Mark you this is not the first time a Ugandan has chopped off his manhood. A while back, a 37-year-old married man from Kayunga District chopped off his weapon of mass procreation after he discovered his lover had been cheating on him.

It was reported that when he got the incriminating evidence of the infidelity, he rushed to the local bar where he suspected the offending man was to harm him but he never found him.

In a bid to punish his wife and deny her further sexual enjoyment, the protesting farmer cut off his manhood with a razor blade. Neighbours rushed him to hospital, but it was too little too late for the medics could not stitch it back. Luckily for him, he survived but can’t engage in intimacy.