Get a Messy Occipital Bun in Twelve Easy Steps!
The messy occipital bun is a totally sexy and versatile ’do—whether you're lumbering along with your ladies on a sunrise berry harvest or relaxing in the cave, minding the pile of rocks while your man takes down a mastodon. Pg. 6
Quiz: Is Your Large Cranial Capacity a Turn-Off?
Girlfriend, your cranial size might measure a whopping ninety cubic inches, but that doesn't mean the guys want to hear about it! Answer these forty-five questions to find out if you're being a wild bore. Pg. 21
Fabulous Fur
The Cenozoic Era is right around the corner—but don't panic if you're not ready! These thirty super-cute mammoth hides will flatter any build, from stocky to slightly stockier. Pg. 38
Interview: You Go, Girl!
This woman is not a man, yet she's somehow figured out how to fashion a variety of blades and scraping tools from the rock, bones, and antlers found in her environment . . . just as effectively as her brother! We sit down and talk to her about her hair. Pg. 44
True Story: O.M.G., a Stone-Cold Hottie Said He'd Swing by My Cave at Some Point
But I have no way to measure or conceive of the passage of time! Pg. 48
Tips and Tricks for Giving Your Freezing, Barren Cave a Mega-Makeover
Does any guy who enters your home immediately assume the fetal position and morosely contemplate the futility of existence as a relentless wind howls angrily outside and his hopes and dreams are rendered as empty as your front hall? Turn it into a sizzling hot make-out den today. Pg. 50
Advice: My Boyfriend Is Way Too Controlling
"I thought he'd be satisfied after he figured out how to control and contain fire, thereby securing clear and uncontestable proof that he'd caused the human race to advance immeasurably . . . but he's not. Help!" A brave reader shares her painful story. Pg. 64
Fifty-Nine Brow-Ridge Accessories You Can't Live Without!
Learn how to mix your saliva with six different hues of dirt and accentuate your supraorbital ridge for any occasion. Flaunt it if you've got it—which you do! It's weird from an evolutionary perspective if you don't! Pg. 70
Recipe: Sinewy, Blood-Soaked Chunks of Rapidly Decaying Caribou Strewn Across the Ground
Prepare this meal for your next dinner party and not only will you tantalize everyone's taste buds, you'll be guaranteed to snag that cutie who's been making impossibly massive eyes at you for weeks! Pg. 77
