Single doom
By Priya Chaphekar
Whether we are alone at home or in the middle of a noisy jamboree, the sharp sting of isolation is unavoidable, especially in a hyper-connected world. Here’s how you can tackle loneliness.
Rarely do we wake up to the ‘Good morning’ of a loved one, or even the sound of the good old alarm clock anymore. In fact, such familiar, comforting sounds have been replaced by the beeps of our mobile phones which, more often than not, notify us about a new Facebook update. So we log in (even before we manage to get out of bed) and find ourselves staring at an acquaintance, whose beaming face (and smirk) is somewhat explained by those pictures of exotic Aruba, where she is currently on vacation. And you experience your first existential crisis. Of the day.
Relationship experts point out that while people connect to the world at large quite effortlessly through social networking platforms like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, they fail to connect with the person seated right beside them with equal ease. “When we are served with our order at a restaurant, we spend the first few minutes Instagramming it. Because, you see, updating your profile with that social media post is more important than relishing hot food,” says wellness expert Anand Chulani. “Such habits and actions drive us way from our friends. We talk but don’t connect with one another, and this furthers a sense of emptiness. Alone or with people, something’s missing — something that people can’t place their finger on.”
Disha Arora (name changed) agrees. As the clock struck midnight, bringing in her 30th birthday, Arora held her mobile phone tightly, expecting her friends’ phone calls. She was also certain that her close friends would show up at her doorstep with a birthday cake. “This has always been the ritual, since we live in the same locality. Also, more than anything else, it gives us an opportunity to catch up after a hectic day,” she says. But to her disappointment, the only surprise Arora got was a change in her friends’ Whatsapp group name and a hundred Facebook posts wishing her the next morning.
One of the repercussions of the lack of such human bonding, points out Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist and author, is that individuals get more comfortable opening up to a therapist than their loved ones. “People don’t want to show others how weak and vulnerable they are. So instead of meeting others in person, they prefer to remain behind the facade of social media and show the world how awesome their life is,” she points out.
What does it mean to be lonely?
To put it simply, being lonely means not feeling like you are a part of the world. And one can feel lonely even when s/he is surrounded by people. “Loneliness is when a person feels left out and that’s not by choice. It is one of the striking symptoms of clinical disorders such as depression and anxiety, which is on the rise among those belonging to two extreme age groups: the extremely young (or, high schoolers) and senior citizens above the age of 65. When young, one struggles to fit into various social groups, while in old age, social interaction begins to dwindle,” points out Dr Anjali Chhabria, psychiatrist and founder of Mindtemple.
The root cause
A feeling of social isolation can set in due to several reasons. Sometimes, it can stem from the loss of a loved one, legal separation, physical impairment, retirement or job loss, medical ailments, relocation, discrimination or abuse in any form. “Social alienation usually arises when your expectations aren’t met, you feel you are not given the respect you deserve, you are sidetracked, your sibling is slightly favoured by your folks and when your colleagues and friends don’t include you in their plans,” points out Dr Maya Kirpalani, consulting psychologist and family therapist at Jaslok and Bhatia Hospital.
Health hazards
Apart from its obvious emotional effects, loneliness suppresses the immune system and decreases our lifespan. In November last year, a study conducted by a team of researchers, including University of Chicago psychologist and leading loneliness expert John Cacioppo linked loneliness to everything from heart disease to Alzheimer’s and a faster spread of cancer. The study also proved that feeling lonely can increase an older person’s chances of premature death by 14 per cent. The findings showed that being cut off from others triggered higher levels of the fight-or-flight hormone, norepinephrine, which weakens our ability to fight viruses and makes us prone to heart attacks or strokes.
According to Cacioppo’s 2014 work, the symptoms of loneliness usually include depression, irregular sleeping patterns, higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, and increased blood pressure. The difference between solitude and loneliness, Cacioppo highlights, is that the latter is accompanied by a profound, negative sense of being alone.
Is technology the culprit?
No, as long as we don’t use social media to feel important. “The minute someone uploads a picture or posts a comment, s/he is trolled, torn down and made to feel inconsequential. This really needs to stop,” insists Chulani.
Whether it’s at a restaurant or a party, everyone’s glued to their cell phones, which makes us lonely. The gesture is also deeply offending to someone who is genuinely trying to establish a meaningful conversation. “The virtual connections made on social media, as opposed to active socialising, are passive. Over a period of time, these passive contacts fail to replace true relations, thus leaving one feeling lonely,” explains Dr Chhabria.
LONELY NO MORE
♦ Cultivate connections with more people and spend quality time with your family
♦ Learn to do things on your own instead of depending on your close ones all the time
♦ Develop your own hobbies: Join a trekking group, a book club or a spin class
♦ Make an effort to get out of your pyjamas and your home over the weekend
♦ Scribble your emotions in a diary. Cry it out, if required, get over it and put your best face forward
♦ Get a furry companion home
Whether we are alone at home or in the middle of a noisy jamboree, the sharp sting of isolation is unavoidable, especially in a hyper-connected world. Here’s how you can tackle loneliness.
Rarely do we wake up to the ‘Good morning’ of a loved one, or even the sound of the good old alarm clock anymore. In fact, such familiar, comforting sounds have been replaced by the beeps of our mobile phones which, more often than not, notify us about a new Facebook update. So we log in (even before we manage to get out of bed) and find ourselves staring at an acquaintance, whose beaming face (and smirk) is somewhat explained by those pictures of exotic Aruba, where she is currently on vacation. And you experience your first existential crisis. Of the day.
Welcome to the hyper-connected world, where loneliness is more common that you think.
Relationship experts point out that while people connect to the world at large quite effortlessly through social networking platforms like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, they fail to connect with the person seated right beside them with equal ease. “When we are served with our order at a restaurant, we spend the first few minutes Instagramming it. Because, you see, updating your profile with that social media post is more important than relishing hot food,” says wellness expert Anand Chulani. “Such habits and actions drive us way from our friends. We talk but don’t connect with one another, and this furthers a sense of emptiness. Alone or with people, something’s missing — something that people can’t place their finger on.”
Disha Arora (name changed) agrees. As the clock struck midnight, bringing in her 30th birthday, Arora held her mobile phone tightly, expecting her friends’ phone calls. She was also certain that her close friends would show up at her doorstep with a birthday cake. “This has always been the ritual, since we live in the same locality. Also, more than anything else, it gives us an opportunity to catch up after a hectic day,” she says. But to her disappointment, the only surprise Arora got was a change in her friends’ Whatsapp group name and a hundred Facebook posts wishing her the next morning.
One of the repercussions of the lack of such human bonding, points out Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist and author, is that individuals get more comfortable opening up to a therapist than their loved ones. “People don’t want to show others how weak and vulnerable they are. So instead of meeting others in person, they prefer to remain behind the facade of social media and show the world how awesome their life is,” she points out.
What does it mean to be lonely?
To put it simply, being lonely means not feeling like you are a part of the world. And one can feel lonely even when s/he is surrounded by people. “Loneliness is when a person feels left out and that’s not by choice. It is one of the striking symptoms of clinical disorders such as depression and anxiety, which is on the rise among those belonging to two extreme age groups: the extremely young (or, high schoolers) and senior citizens above the age of 65. When young, one struggles to fit into various social groups, while in old age, social interaction begins to dwindle,” points out Dr Anjali Chhabria, psychiatrist and founder of Mindtemple.
The root cause
A feeling of social isolation can set in due to several reasons. Sometimes, it can stem from the loss of a loved one, legal separation, physical impairment, retirement or job loss, medical ailments, relocation, discrimination or abuse in any form. “Social alienation usually arises when your expectations aren’t met, you feel you are not given the respect you deserve, you are sidetracked, your sibling is slightly favoured by your folks and when your colleagues and friends don’t include you in their plans,” points out Dr Maya Kirpalani, consulting psychologist and family therapist at Jaslok and Bhatia Hospital.
Health hazards
Apart from its obvious emotional effects, loneliness suppresses the immune system and decreases our lifespan. In November last year, a study conducted by a team of researchers, including University of Chicago psychologist and leading loneliness expert John Cacioppo linked loneliness to everything from heart disease to Alzheimer’s and a faster spread of cancer. The study also proved that feeling lonely can increase an older person’s chances of premature death by 14 per cent. The findings showed that being cut off from others triggered higher levels of the fight-or-flight hormone, norepinephrine, which weakens our ability to fight viruses and makes us prone to heart attacks or strokes.
According to Cacioppo’s 2014 work, the symptoms of loneliness usually include depression, irregular sleeping patterns, higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, and increased blood pressure. The difference between solitude and loneliness, Cacioppo highlights, is that the latter is accompanied by a profound, negative sense of being alone.
Is technology the culprit?
No, as long as we don’t use social media to feel important. “The minute someone uploads a picture or posts a comment, s/he is trolled, torn down and made to feel inconsequential. This really needs to stop,” insists Chulani.
Whether it’s at a restaurant or a party, everyone’s glued to their cell phones, which makes us lonely. The gesture is also deeply offending to someone who is genuinely trying to establish a meaningful conversation. “The virtual connections made on social media, as opposed to active socialising, are passive. Over a period of time, these passive contacts fail to replace true relations, thus leaving one feeling lonely,” explains Dr Chhabria.
LONELY NO MORE
♦ Cultivate connections with more people and spend quality time with your family
♦ Learn to do things on your own instead of depending on your close ones all the time
♦ Develop your own hobbies: Join a trekking group, a book club or a spin class
♦ Make an effort to get out of your pyjamas and your home over the weekend
♦ Scribble your emotions in a diary. Cry it out, if required, get over it and put your best face forward
♦ Get a furry companion home
