Mother Kate Henderson counts stillborn daughter Lorraine as part of her family

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This was published 7 years ago

Mother Kate Henderson counts stillborn daughter Lorraine as part of her family

By Katie Burgess
Updated

When Kate Henderson's brother Ben was shot dead as he slept, nobody told her it was part of God's plan.

No one said it was for the best or that she still had other brothers.

Kate Henderson with her brothers Ben, right, and Huey, left.

Kate Henderson with her brothers Ben, right, and Huey, left.Credit: Kate Henderson

But when her baby daughter was stillborn, that was the reaction she received and it broke her heart.

"Everyone gets murder. My husband lost his father from a heart attack and people get that. They get cancer and heart attacks, but when it comes to stillbirth maybe it's too hard for some people," she said.

The sketch of her family that brings Kate Henderson to tears. Kate's brother Ben and her daughter both died.

The sketch of her family that brings Kate Henderson to tears. Kate's brother Ben and her daughter both died.

"There's none of those cliches when someone is murdered. No one says 'God has a plan' or 'everything happens for a reason'. Those cliches don't work in a stillbirth either."

Two years after she lost her daughter Lorraine, Ben Green was shot dead in a murder-suicide that left the small town of Nimmitabel, half an hour's drive south of Cooma, reeling.

An armed man, once considered a family friend, walked into her brother's bedroom and shot dead the 32-year-old farmer as he slept.

Her other brother Huey disarmed the offender and escaped with a bullet graze on his upper arm. The shooter was later found dead in his car.

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Kate Henderson with her husband Cody and her son Augustus at his christening in April.

Kate Henderson with her husband Cody and her son Augustus at his christening in April.Credit: Kerry Beer Photography

In the year since the grief that threatened to crush Ben's heartbroken family has been shouldered by hundreds of mourners, who flooded them with messages, cards and flowers.

When Lorraine was stillborn, Mrs Henderson said a lack of awareness left them to carry that mountain alone.

Nine months ago Mrs Henderson and her husband Cody were blessed with a baby boy, Augustus.

Chubby-fisted, rosy-cheeked and beautifully, breathtakingly alive, she said the joy of his presence doesn't erase the pain of Lorraine's loss.

"People say when you've got a live baby. They'd say 'oh well, it happened for the best' or 'look at what you've got now, focus on the good in your life'," she said.

"I'm a mother to two children and I think that's overlooked a lot."

At Christmas last year Mrs Henderson received a special gift from her mother: a sketch of what her family should look like.

"Mum asked me for Christmas what I wanted and I said, 'I just want my brother and my little girl back'. She said I can't give that to you, but she came back with that sketch and it was just beautiful," she said.

"I can't look at it all of the time because it's hard to think about it, but when mum gave it to me it was just a snippet of what it could have been like. She gave me them back for just one moment. Every time I look at it I get them for a few seconds."

In sharing her story Mrs Henderson wants to let the families of stillborn children know they aren't alone and encourage the communities around them to ease the weight of their grief by acknowledging their loss.

"Parents of a stillborn baby are still parents. You can't just ignore the fact they went through that pregnancy and gave birth to them. All of their hopes and dreams for that child are just lost, but they're still a parent," Mrs Henderson said.

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