Bachelor and Bachelorette fans have long been thirsty for the scoop on former Bachelorette Andi Dorfman's split from ex-fiancée Josh Murray. Now she's delivering plenty of surprising (and some disturbing) details in her new book, It's Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak Into Happily Never After. Herewith, 15 such details from the book — starting with her Juan Pablo days.
1. Andi got the dress she wore to her first cocktail party with Juan Pablo on clearance at Loehmann's. It was a floor-length blue Halston Heritage number. But things changed once she became the lead of the show the following season: She got her own stylists, and at one point, she wore a pricey black gown that she was instructed not to spill anything on—Selena Gomez would be wearing it the following week.
2. As a Bachelor contestant, you're only allowed to bring two suitcases. In those two suitcases, you're expected to fit: clothing for multiple climates; cocktail, long, and casual dresses; multiple bathing suits; workout clothes; a million different types of shoes; and heavy coats (yes, plural).
3. Andi's engagement ring was worth over $80,000, and she had return it to the producers as one of the terms of a post-breakup interview. But giving up the rock actually ended up being a good thing: "It was as if the ring had become a burdensome reminder of a love that was no longer there," she writes. "The sentiment was gone, and so was its beauty."
4. People, you've got to quit obsessing over Andi's law career. She describes being constantly peppered with condescending questions about why on earth a lawyer would ever want to go on a reality show, and why she isn't back in the courtroom. "What I really want to say in response is, 'F*ck off. Are you still working at your first job? Oh, you're not? How dare you make a career change?'"
5. During their fantasy suite date, Juan Pablo's mood music of choice was Ray Jay and R. Kelly. The former pro athlete also thought it would be sexy for them to watch videos of him playing soccer.
6. She had no sexual chemistry with Bachelorette contestant Nick Viall. Things were pretty hot and heavy leading up to the fantasy suite, but when it actually came to doing the deed, "the fireworks between us just weren't there. All of the kissing and groping and chemistry we had atop the sheets just wasn't the same underneath them."
7. Nick had impressed Andi during The Bachelorette with talk of his cosmopolitan life in Chicago, but a visit to his apartment was…underwhelming. "I had envisioned high ceilings, exposed brick, a view of downtown, a bike on the wall, and contemporary artwork, but it [was] just a garden-variety bachelor pad," she remembers. "And in the shallowest of ways, being in his apartment [gave] me relief that the fantasy I had envisioned [wasn't] reality."
8. She lost a tooth on the night of her fantasy suite date with Josh. And one of the producers came through with a joke: "Hey, it could be better for him, if you know what I mean."
9. Josh could only do his hair if he had a white wall as a backdrop. He once asked Andi to hold up a white towel when they vacationed in a room with a blue-walled bathroom, she remembers in the book. "Apparently, it was the only way he could successfully make sure each of his dark strands was in place," she writes.
10. He called Andi ungrateful. Because she didn't immediately thank him for paying for her $12 breakfast. That he bought with per diem from ABC.
11. He freaked out at the thought of Andi going on Dancing With the Stars. During a family dinner, Andi writes, he told her mother that he refused to allow it, because the show was "all about sex" and it would be "totally inappropriate … for his fiancée to be dancing and sweating on another man." P.S., Andi notes she never had any intention of going on the show in the first place.
12. By the end of their relationship, Josh had become the boyfriend from hell. (In case you didn't catch on to that idea yet). After the breakup, while Josh was out of town, Andi returned to the apartment she had shared with him to pick up her belongings. When she got there, she found her things scattered on her floor. The insult moved both her and her mom, who had come along to help her pack, to tears.
13. After the split, she decided to move to New York for a fresh start … but resolved to have hit-it-and-quit-it sex with Josh first. It was a calculated risk, and it paid off. "While I know I'm supposed to feel some kind of 'moral hangover' about this, I feel empowered instead. The feisty smirk that has finally returned to my face brings with it zero regret, zero remorse, and most of all, the power to move on."
