Why other people’s divorces matter…
A few nights ago, I was seated next to a group of exceedingly animated ladies (a few glasses of Sauvignon Blanc made everybody terribly articulate), discussing the impending divorce of strangers (movie stars and social creatures). The level of engagement was intense and personal.
Everybody had an opinion on the subject - who was right, who was wrong, what will happen to the poor children etc. etc. There were theories galore as to what precisely had gone wrong in this particular ‘perfect’ marriage. Was it another woman? Another man? Interference from in-laws? Drug abuse? Alcohol addiction? So many ‘pucca’ theories were authoritatively floated (“We always knew this would happen!”), it was like all of us had spent considerable time inside the star boudoir, hiding under the famous bed. Someone knew someone who knew someone close to the wife.
Another lady said she and the wife shared a maalishwalli who knew the asli story. A third mentioned her husband and the aboutto-be-divorced man were gym buddies. Soon, every single person at the table had become an expert on marriage. In fact, we were all sounding like top class counselors who had advanced degrees on the subject and an answer to every conceivable marital problem in the world. There was an air of smugness and self-congratulation as a lady coyly confessed how close her own shaadi had come to breaking up. Of course, she had virtuously sacrificed everything ‘for the sake of the children’. The other ladies nodded, exchanged meaningful looks and agreed it was the best decision - ‘for the sake of the children’. Not for a moment did anybody think of the absurdity of this meaningless conversation (thank you, Sauvignon Blanc!). The couple whose tattered marriage was under scrutiny happened to be Bollywood A-Listers. The other NRI couple was equally high profile. Nobody in the group had actually met these celebrities. But everybody had a take on what had happened in the marriage… and how to fix it.
Bollywood has finally emerged from the dark ages and is ready to table its gritty domestic secrets. There is more confidence and less subterfuge involved. If Salim Khan, Salman Khan’s father , admits nonchalantly that he and his son like staying in touch with their old girl-friends, nobody blinks. If Arjun Rampal and Huma Qureshi believe it is necessary to state their non-involvement in the estranged marriages of Hritik-Suzzane and Anurag-Kalki respectively, it’s really no big deal. This new openness is a welcome sign of a society coming to terms with modern day realities.
Divorce happens. Divorce happens to good people. Divorce is difficult. Whether it is the Nigella-Saatchi mess (the sordid details of which the world is hungrily lapping up), or closer to home, it’s the Hritik-Suzzane imbroglio. The thing is, when a marriage breaks up publicly, everyone automatically becomes a stake holder. The jury is out on the Tharoor-Pushkar debacle. But the aam janata has already taken sides. Our two bits’ worth of ‘advice’ is liberally given to people who don’t know we even exist!
2014 is likely to witness a huge upheaval in the celeb marriage department. Sometimes, all it takes is for one or two responsible and sensitive couples to announce an end to their relationship, without going into the nitty gritties of why it happened, how it happened, for other, less confident but equally bruised couples to go ahead and do what has to be done. “Giving each other space’ generally means just one thing - the lawyers are hard at work sorting out financials. Even so, in this increasingly fragile world, a divorce - anybody’s divorce - deserves some dignity and discretion. And the occasional pointless discussion, of course. Agree?
Everybody had an opinion on the subject - who was right, who was wrong, what will happen to the poor children etc. etc. There were theories galore as to what precisely had gone wrong in this particular ‘perfect’ marriage. Was it another woman? Another man? Interference from in-laws? Drug abuse? Alcohol addiction? So many ‘pucca’ theories were authoritatively floated (“We always knew this would happen!”), it was like all of us had spent considerable time inside the star boudoir, hiding under the famous bed. Someone knew someone who knew someone close to the wife.
Another lady said she and the wife shared a maalishwalli who knew the asli story. A third mentioned her husband and the aboutto-be-divorced man were gym buddies. Soon, every single person at the table had become an expert on marriage. In fact, we were all sounding like top class counselors who had advanced degrees on the subject and an answer to every conceivable marital problem in the world. There was an air of smugness and self-congratulation as a lady coyly confessed how close her own shaadi had come to breaking up. Of course, she had virtuously sacrificed everything ‘for the sake of the children’. The other ladies nodded, exchanged meaningful looks and agreed it was the best decision - ‘for the sake of the children’. Not for a moment did anybody think of the absurdity of this meaningless conversation (thank you, Sauvignon Blanc!). The couple whose tattered marriage was under scrutiny happened to be Bollywood A-Listers. The other NRI couple was equally high profile. Nobody in the group had actually met these celebrities. But everybody had a take on what had happened in the marriage… and how to fix it.
Divorce is a highly emotive topic that triggers off passionate feelings. Discussing divorces of celebrities creates a safe distance between their lives, their traumas and our own. While heatedly analyzing someone else’s marital woes, we are in fact, dissecting our own. Too scared to turn the searchlight within, it’s that much simpler to place a stranger’s marriage under the microscope and pass judgements on it. At some point, I am sure all of us have indulged in this pretty faltu exercise – I certainly have. It achieves absolutely nothing. But there is a level of satisfaction involved… ‘Thank God, it isn’t MY marriage that’s crumbling!” Men claim they never discuss the state of their own marriage nor do they discuss other people’s. Rubbish! I have overheard the most vicious details getting casually passed around in the name of ‘a healthy exchange of ideas and views.” That’s code for male bitching.
Bollywood has finally emerged from the dark ages and is ready to table its gritty domestic secrets. There is more confidence and less subterfuge involved. If Salim Khan, Salman Khan’s father , admits nonchalantly that he and his son like staying in touch with their old girl-friends, nobody blinks. If Arjun Rampal and Huma Qureshi believe it is necessary to state their non-involvement in the estranged marriages of Hritik-Suzzane and Anurag-Kalki respectively, it’s really no big deal. This new openness is a welcome sign of a society coming to terms with modern day realities.
Divorce happens. Divorce happens to good people. Divorce is difficult. Whether it is the Nigella-Saatchi mess (the sordid details of which the world is hungrily lapping up), or closer to home, it’s the Hritik-Suzzane imbroglio. The thing is, when a marriage breaks up publicly, everyone automatically becomes a stake holder. The jury is out on the Tharoor-Pushkar debacle. But the aam janata has already taken sides. Our two bits’ worth of ‘advice’ is liberally given to people who don’t know we even exist!
2014 is likely to witness a huge upheaval in the celeb marriage department. Sometimes, all it takes is for one or two responsible and sensitive couples to announce an end to their relationship, without going into the nitty gritties of why it happened, how it happened, for other, less confident but equally bruised couples to go ahead and do what has to be done. “Giving each other space’ generally means just one thing - the lawyers are hard at work sorting out financials. Even so, in this increasingly fragile world, a divorce - anybody’s divorce - deserves some dignity and discretion. And the occasional pointless discussion, of course. Agree?
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are the author's own. The opinions and facts expressed here do not reflect the views of Mirror and Mirror does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same.
