Cheers to single mothers

From being the sole bread winner in the family to raising kids and securing their future single-handedly to braving unfriendly societal systems, a single mother is all about grit, determination and substance. Ever wondered what it is like to raise a child on your own without any support from others? While most struggle to answer this question interspersed with awkward silence and pauses, it is indeed a mixed journey of the good and the bad, of highs and lows, of joys and sorrows.While only experience is the best teacher, we speak to a few single moms to know more about their struggles and journey as a single mother. Nupur Chavan, Architect, says, "It's like playing good cop and the bad cop at the same time. I have to be strict with my 9-yearold daughter, Aanya, and be nice too at the same time since I know deep within that she does not have another parent to turn to and seek comfort. It's been seven years of single parenting and we have bonded very well. She understands that I need to work and gives me that time. That void is still there and will always be there, but our families and all my friends have been very supportive and always present whenever we needed them." whenever we needed them."
Avani Shah, Insurance Firm Employee, another single mother, avers, "After my husband's death, it was very important for me to be with my son 24x7." 32-year-old Avani Shah lost her husband when her son Ansh was just six months old. Now, he is five. Avani says, "I know that Ansh misses his Dad and I can see that in his eyes, when he sees other kids playing with their fathers around. I take him to the temple, where his Dad used to go.I also take him to movies or we sit in the garden or mall to help him not miss his father."
Avani's life now revolves around her son. She works for him, smiles for him and lives for him. She attends parent-teachers meetings and gives him candies when he tops the class. "I tap him on the back when he comes last, something his father would have done had he been with us," says the mother.
"Single motherhood isn't easy. Know that it takes strength and composure every day," concludes Avani.
SOS tips
Ask for help
You can't do it all on your own. Ask your friends to take your kid to a common birthday party, babysit or pick him/her from school,etc. Whatever little help you can get will be beneficial. And help them back when they need it as well.
Indulge
Spend some time doing something nice for yourself occasionally. Life isn't only about raising your kid and managing your job. Know that you are important too.
Therapy
Sometimes it might get too much to cope and you may fall into depression. Don't feel shy to see a good counsellor. Hoping yourself to become mentally fit will make your child strong as well.
Never give in because of guilt
Assess the situation: are you feeling like you should let him watch more TV or eat an ice-cream because you were out or his father isn't here? That's the wrong reason. Has he achieved something? Then do it.
Prioritise your time
Spending quality time with your child even if its two hours in a day is more important than spending a whole day while you are on the phone with someone else. Your child needs you for those precious moments when you're there.
Listen and respond
When your child comes excitedly to tell you something, hear them out and reply. They will feel less neglected.
'Me' time
Understand that you need time for yourself, apart from work and children. But know who you should be spending it with. If you get one night a week off, then figure out what will really make you happy. Choose your time wisely.
- By Dipika Rathi