Kick things up a notch on your first date

How do you kick things up a notch without causing your first date to jump ship?
It's past midnight and 24-year-old Shruti Pillai is waiting for the double grey WhatsApp ticks to turn blue. Earlier in the evening, Shruti had what she calls the perfect dinner date with her colleague Rohan. “What could have taken him so long to reply?,“ she wonders. In another instance, Sahil Shukla, a 25-year-old architect is happy to be invited home by a woman he recently met at a friend's wedding, only to be welcomed by her overbearing Punjabi family.“Introducing me to her family means that she's expecting some kind of a commitment. What's funny is that I barely know this girl,“ he laughs awkwardly.
Will Shruti's clingy nature jeopardise her chances of establishing a tighter bond with the guy she's so crazy about? Is Sahil reading too much between the lines? What is the ideal way in which the two and their zillion contemporaries should take things forward after their first date? “The best advice I'd give to my young clients is to pause, breathe and reflect: How did he or she make you feel? Was there anything in common? Was the conversation interesting enough? It's a good idea to keep a gap of at least a week or 10 days between the first and second date,“ says Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist and author.
“Focus on your likes and dislikes and let things be as easy as possible. But more importantly, give the other person some time to reciprocate and don't expect any kind of commitment.“
LUCK BY CHANCE
With so many fish swimming in a sea of dating apps, it's obvious that many men and women enter the dating game with a stringent check list, most of them unwilling to give their date a second chance due to minor flaws or lack of instant chemistry.Maybe he didn't look as macho as he appeared in his profile picture, but he brushed away those first-meeting-jitters. Maybe she was a little on the heavier side, but she was a good listener. “Chemistry is subjective.Sometimes you click over the first coffee, sometimes it develops over time. While we all are waiting to fall in love at first sight, a delayed chemistry will give you enough time to know the person. There's no fun left if everything gets over too soon,“ points out Pankaj Singh, founder, JoyfulMinds, an online counselling portal for anxiety and relationships.
DON'T PUSH TOO HARD
There's nothing wrong with texting your date to tell them that you had a great time and that you'd love to meet them again. But do that without sounding too desperate. If you keep checking on them, they might feel smothered and lose interest quickly. This also holds true when it comes to physical intimacy. You could subtly brush her hand or hold his arm to show your interest, but a blatant physical contact is a down right no. In the initial stages, you could meet outside instead of meeting in a private space to make the girl feel secure,“ adds Singh.
CASUAL IS THE MANTRA
Don't rant about your family issues or your past relationships. That'll only make your date feel awkward.Regrets Kiah Shah, “My ex and I are still in good terms. But when I narrated our crazy stories to my date, he didn't take it too well. Although we clicked on our first date, things went down the drain on the second.“
Simran Mangharam, co-founder of Floh, has spoken to 20,000 singles in India over the past five years.According to Mangharam, the dating concept in India still bears a hint of tradition. “The first question that most singles ask themselves after the first date is: Can I marry this person? Instead of asking themselves if they can have a genuine conversation with him or her. I often advise couples to first bring down the barriers without contemplating too much about the future,“ she says.
BREAKING THE ICE
Twenty-nine-year-old lifestyle writer Rhea Fernandes is of the opinion that men in India tend to be a bit coy when it comes to making the initial contact, which is why it is the girl who needs to be more approachable.“The girl as well as the boy is bound to have inhibitions. She's going to worry about her makeup, and he's going to wonder if he meets her expectations. By the time you've crossed the first level, you know what to expect,“ she shares. “Having a drink together on this occasion is sure to lower your inhibitions. Just be careful not to get drunk to the point that you embarrass yourself.“
DO THINGS TOGETHER
And once you're aware of each other's preferences, things become slightly easier. The third date is an ideal time to engage in an activity -sail over the cool waters, attend a live music concert or sign up for a pottery workshop. “Dinners can get monotonous after a point. I prefer to do things that facilitate a creative exchange of ideas like watching a movie. That way, there's more to talk about. This also ensures that the spark on the first date wasn't a random, irrational one,“ explains 27-year-old Satish S, product manager at a Mumbai start-up.
(By Priya Chaphekar)