I used to have an aversion to Cinco de Mayo. I’m not a Mexican, and I don’t drink tequila, so I saw little reason to rejoice in the independence to our neighbors to the south.
Then I found out a couple of things about Cinco de Mayo that often get lost in the haze of margarita stupors every fifth of May. First, Cinco de Mayo is not Mexican Independence Day. Second, Mexicans in Mexico do not celebrate Cinco de Mayo. And third, Cinco de Mayo celebrates Mexico’s victory over French invaders.
These three facts alone completely changed the game for me. After all, as an American, I have neither the right nor the desire to celebrate the independence of a country that is not my own. And also as an American, I do not want to be a follower in another country’s holiday. The United States is the best at inventing holidays — even ones that seem like they should be foreign, like Mardi Gras and St. Patrick’s Day. Zero percent of me wants to partake in Chinese New Year or Boxing Day, whatever that is.
But the kicker here, the real reason I now feel comfortable celebrating Cinco de Mayo, is what it commemorates. Apparently, the May 5 in question was May 5, 1862, when Mexicans expelled Napoleon III’s attempt to overtake their country.
I’m sorry, but didn’t the French hear about the Monroe Doctrine? Mexico is our neighbor to do whatever we please with. No Europeans allowed. We definitely don’t need any more Francophones in America — the ones we have up in Quebec are terrorists!
Cinco de Mayo is a great day. The French didn’t listen to us, and the Mexicans took care of business. We got rid of the French, we got Texas from Mexico, everybody’s happy! And for that reason, I’m going to spend my Cinco de Mayo drinking a Corona (produced by American company Constellation Brands) kept cold by this koozie. I’ll be wearing these sunglasses and this hat and this ridiculous shirt.
Basically, I’ll be partying like it’s 4th of July two months early. And now that I know the truth about the 5th of May, I can legitimately celebrate Americans’ freedom from the socialists over in Europe for hundreds of years.
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