Being A Romantic Writer In India

Hi!

My name is Prajakta Koli and I'm a fulltime Youtuber, official sucker at Math and a diehard romantic at heart. So romantic, that I don't mind watching Main Prem Ki Deewani Hoon every weekend on Zee Cinema. Yeah! Judge me.

Being a romantic at heart, in the social media world, calls for a lot of poetry writing and freakishly long captions on Instagram pictures. Since I suck at both, I thought, maybe, I could be a romantic novelist. But can you even imagine how difficult that can get in a country like ours? Let me break it down for you.

Here are a few reasons why it is next to impossible to be a romantic writer in India. Lezzgo!

1. BASIC MISCONCEPTIONS

I have always grown up reading romantic novels written by non-Indian authors. The idea of romance in those books was always saying the right things at the right time. Whereas, growing up in India:

The right thing is - Mujhse shaadi karoge?
The right place is - At the chole bhature wala's stall
The right time is - Before your parents see you with a guy.
Romantic, no?

2. CHARACTER NAMES

Every time I thought of penning a romantic story down, I would get stuck at what to ‘surname' my protagonists. Coz' hello, both of them have to be from the same cast (thanks to our infamous caste system). Unless both of them die in the end. But have always liked my happy endings, so ... no.

Again, not quite romantic.

3. CHEMISTRY

A romantic novel has to have sensuous, steamy scenes. I need a bunch of pages that spell ‘SEX' for eager teenagers to tear from their sisters' book and pass around to other eager teenagers in their class. Based on my Bollywood-Washed Brain's idea of how a steamy scene would look in real life, my chapter on sex would somehow read like this:

"And slowly, the yellow flower moved closer to the red flower, an inch at a time, waiting for the right moment for their petals to touch but not just yet. His pollen was heightened to a level where her stigma could feel the urge to touch his anthers."

Poof.

4. CENSOR BOARD

Let's just believe I still go ahead and write my heart out about everything from Pollination to Photosynthesis *snort*. How much of my imagination is going to make the final cut through the Censor Board's table? Nobody knows, my friend, nobody.

If '50 Shades of Grey' was made in India,

Page 1: I met Mr. Grey today.
Page 2-Page 513: *beeeeeeeeeeeep*
Page 514: I will never see Mr. Grey again.

You know what I mean?

So yeah! There it is! Every reason that's holding me back from writing a record-breaking bestseller!

XOXO
Prajakta

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