By Konrad Marshall
Sandra Mayer was in her early 20s when she fell into an abusive relationship.
"I didn't value myself much," says the Frankston councillor, 41, at her home in Skye.
"I didn't have a lot of self-respect, which is often how you end up in a situation you don't deserve."
Things turned sour quickly but – perhaps manipulated and controlled – she felt determined to accept the apologies and stay the course.
Sandra Mayer, former mayor of Frankston, has written a song about her experience escaping from domestic violence. Credit: Pat Scala
"You believe it's your fault when they get angry," she said. "And I just didn't have the confidence to strike out on my own. I didn't know how to afford a rental. I was scared."
So she stayed, and she was yelled at, put down, slapped and shoved – always dodging a bad mood or an object hurled her way.
"I used to see happy couples and I thought 'I want that. I don't have that. I'll never have that with this person'."
She sometimes left, and then came back – but she got stronger every time she walked out the door.
Ms Mayer takes pains to point out there were never any threats to kill, no rapes nor savage beatings – just a constant state of worry and unease, and the confusion of an irreconcilable difference between her partner's public behaviour and private reality – all of it rolled together with long apologies, grand gestures and big bouquets of flowers.
Eventually she left for good. Filed for divorce. Found a new home, and a new life. Last year she was the mayor of Frankston.
All the while she kept the story of her marriage secret, at least until last year, when she visited a local forum run by the Clothesline Project. There she heard horrific stories.
"What these women have been through – they're atrocities," she said. "It's domestic terrorism."
The stories were also a trigger.
"I had thought about writing a song as part of my healing, as a form of catharsis," she said. "So I came home, sat down at the piano, wrote my song, and I couldn't even play it. I was just bawling."
With a little money set aside, she recorded a demo of the ballad Getaway, and even shot a video at the nearby Langwarrin Flora & Fauna Reserve.
Got nowhere to go, she sings. Don't know what to do.
Got no cash, no car. To get away from you.
The song - released under the name of "Shania" Mayer (it's a family nickname she uses as a stage name) - will be available on iTunes and CDBaby this week, and is also on YouTube.
And it will be played on the big screen at Federation Square on Wednesday night, at the conclusion of a candlelight vigil being held for the safe steps Family Violence Response Centre.
The event, from 5:45pm, will also feature speeches from the Minister for Women and the Minister for the Prevention of Family Violence, Fiona Richardson, as well as the assistant commissioner of Victoria Police Family Violence Command, Dean McWhirter.
Mayer, who is donating half of all profits from sales of her song to domestic violence prevention and intervention programs, can't wait.
"Maybe survivors who haven't been able to express themselves will hear it. Maybe people who haven't been through this will listen and understand," she said. "I think it'll be amazing."
If you or someone you care about is living with an abusive partner or family member call safe steps Family Violence Response Centre 24/7 on 1800-015-188.