Sex is a decathlon waged on a 200-thread-count field. It requires both endurance and bursts of frenzied energy; raw strength and balletic grace; the fortitude to power through a wicked thigh cramp and the agility to balance on one elbow while maintaining a look of ecstasy. Basically, sex is freaking hard. As with any sporting endeavor, you need a regimen to attain peak prowess—and we've crafted one. It'll unlock your between-the-sheets talents with helpful tips (hip strength is key) and useful secrets (Kegels aren't Jewish pastries, but orgasm-improving exercises). And even if your sex life is more Russell Wilson than Wilt Chamberlain, you'll still get a solid workout.
No exuberant pelvic thrusts in the weight room. Instead, use these exercises from L.A.-based trainer Will Lanier to build the muscles you need to make wheezing-free love.
INTERVALS
Interval sprints—you run balls-out (note: not literally), rest, then start over again—provide all sorts of fat-burning, metabolism-boosting benefits, but the payoff here is that they'll help your endurance. “You don't want to run out of breath before the finish line,” says Lanier.
DOING IT AND DOING IT
Hit a local running track, an open field, or anywhere you won't have to dodge traffic. Jog one minute at an easy pace, 90 seconds at a quick run, then 30 seconds at an all-out sprint. Walk or jog for 60 seconds to recover. Repeat three times.
THE HANG POWER CLEAN
This'll help “increase the power of your hip drive,” says Lanier. More hip strength and mobility mean you can hit the right spots. She'll swear she's making love to a hairier Shakira. What woman doesn't want that?
DOING IT AND DOING IT
This is a complicated move, and the best way to start is to search “Hang Power Clean” on YouTube to see the movement and proper form. When you try it yourself, load 45 pounds onto a barbell and remember to use your hips and glutes to explode the bar upward. Do three sets of five reps.
THE TOES-TO-BAR
“This is a core-and-hip-flexor stamina builder,” says Lanier. “It's great when you're in those side positions.” In other words: Your core and hip strength are proportional to how long you can leisurely hump without having to call for a time-out.
DOING IT AND DOING IT
Dangle from a pull-up bar with your arms fully extended, and try to raise your toes so they touch the bar. It'll be hard. “Don't bend your arms,” Lanier says. “If you can't get your toes to the bar, get them as far up as possible to engage your lower abs and hips.” Aim for three sets of ten reps.
PENDLAY ROWS
These strengthen your back, hips, and arms, letting you feel like a romance-novel cover model as you scoop up your partner. “Now you can shift positions without ruining the mood,” says Lanier.
DOING IT AND DOING IT
Set a barbell laden with 50 pounds on the floor. With your feet a bit wider than your hips, knees slightly bent, and back straight, bend over and pull the bar to your chest. You should feel it in your mid-back and glutes, not the lower back. “Don't hold the bar—it's a quick pop and return,” says Lanier. Do three sets of eight reps.—Bill Bradley
Advice from a male stripper on how to get jacked. In a bathroom. Right before sex.
—As told to Mick Rouse
“If I need a quick pump before stripping for a private party, I'll do as many push-ups as possible within 60 seconds in the bathroom. Some triceps dips—using the rim of the tub—are another great, quick option. Once, I was butt-naked doing dips when a girl busted into the bathroom without knocking. She screamed and quickly closed the door...but then asked if I needed any help.”
—GQ, male stripper at Hunk-O-Mania in N.Y.C. and Atlantic City*
*No relation
Danny D has been at it, literally, for ten years. Here's what it takes to physically stay in the sex game all day long.
“Food's important. But I'm like a child. I'll eat Pop-Tarts. If I miss breakfast, I'll go for a chocolate bar. Maybe a Red Bull. I hate that stuff, but when you must, you must.”
“I've seen guys on set do full pre-scene workouts—jumping jacks and stretching their legs. But to be honest, I smoke a joint before I go in.”
“Best tip of the porno world right now is coconut oil. It's a paste, but chuck it in the microwave for ten seconds and it comes out liquid. It's the most amazing stuff, and all-natural. Though obviously you look like a strange person if you have a big jar of coconut oil sitting in your bedroom.”
“Repetition is the easiest way to go too early. You're doing the same thing, you like it, then boom. What helped me when I was getting started was changing positions. If I'm home with my wife and stay in one position, I'm done in three minutes and apologizing. I'm meant to be a porn star, and I'm like, sorry.”
“Do you know Sudocrem? It's an antiseptic. After a shoot, I literally paint my penis with it and sleep like that. It makes the skin smooth again—takes care of any little nicks, cuts, anything that you got throughout your day.”
—As told to Benjy Hansen-Bundy
Ask any urologist and he'll tell you, while awkwardly cupping your junk, that there are myriad benefits to strengthening your pelvic-floor muscles: a reduced risk of incontinence once you get into your geriatric years, say, and an ironclad fart command. But most relevant for our current purposes, Kegel exercises, as they're called, can lead to both better sexual stamina and possibly even an orgasm that goes to 11. These all sounded like net positives in my life, so I dedicated myself to training my pelvic floor.
My doctor's instructions were simple: Find a firm chair, sit upright, and clench like I'm trying to stop peeing mid-stream. Hold five seconds (keeping my core and legs relaxed), release, rest, clench again. Do it ten times, three times a day.
It took a week or so before I could specifically isolate my taint muscles really well. Then I needed a few days more before I could flex without my face twisting itself up, giving me a distinct look of constipation. I looked weird; I felt weirder. Mostly because I was doing this at work, in my cubicle.
But within a month I noticed a payoff. My orgasms didn't get stronger, per se, but they lasted an extra second or two—and those were beautiful, exultant, operatic seconds. Literally. My orgasms going into overtime led to my “It's happening!” voice climbing an octave—enough that my girlfriend said I sounded like a boiling tea kettle. A very satisfied tea kettle.
—B.H.B.
There's a teensy irony to this endeavor: Being in better shape leads to better sex, but having sex won't get you in better shape. A 2013 study by the University of Quebec in Montreal found that the average guy burns maybe 100 calories per bone sesh (which lasts, on average, 25 minutes from first kiss to halfhearted “Want me to do anything for you?”). Sex, researchers found, is as rigorous as a lazy jog. But this data is freeing! There's no need to be wanton with your new sexual athleticism: no need for relentless jackhammering or Cirque du Soleil acrobatics. Exercise to have great sex—then, once in bed, be a giving lover who doesn't get caught counting off push-ups during missionary.
—J.W.
Illustrations by Agata Nowicka
