Much ado about nothing?

Chennai: When her parents persuaded her to opt for an arranged marriage, Sharadha* agreed. Within three months though, she approached a divorce lawyer. The reason? She felt her husband wasn't good looking as he is dark-skinned.
"Though she agreed to marry him, her friends later commented on his looks and felt he was not worthy of her, so she wanted a divorce," says advocate V Kannadasan, who specializes in matrimonial cases, adding that the case is still pending.
The way you slurp your drink, your dressing style and even your skin tone can pave the way from the marital bed to the counsellor's couch, say marriage counsellors and divorce lawyers. Recently, Delhi high court ruled that hurling abuses at your spouse can be treated as mental cruelty and form a ground for divorce. Upholding a trial court order granting divorce to a man, HC cited several incidents of cruelty by his estranged wife, which included her calling him a "mota haathi" (fat elephant). Divorce lawyers and marriage counsellors in Chennai also say couples often approach them citing "unusual" reasons for the breakdown of their marriage.
For instance, after five years of constant conflict, a young couple decided that it was time they sought professional help. It was neither money nor infidelity that plagued their marriage. While the husband wanted to spend more time with his wife, she wanted to remain detached.
"She didn't want emotional bonding as she felt that at 28, she still had to explore her own identity, but her husband felt bad about it," says consultant psychologist Vasuki Mathivanan, who has been doing marital counselling for the last 12 years. "She felt they needn't always have dinner together or have to tell him where she was going all the time."
One of Kannadasan's clients had a different problem. "He said his wife would wake up only at 11am, neglect her domestic duties, and not even brush her teeth. So he wanted a divorce," says Kannadasan.
Counselling psychologist Saras Bhaskar says couples approaching her often cite so-called "trivial" reasons for marital discord. "The wife would say the husband is not spending enough time with her, slurps while drinking or makes noises while eating," she says. "But he would feel that he is a man who takes good care of his family and wasn't an alcoholic or wife beater."
While one of them looks at it as a small issue, the other partner doesn't. And familiarity does breed contempt. "Often it is a manifestation of little things that have built up over a period of time," says Bhaskar, adding that it happens both in arranged and love marriages.
Bhaskar says she sees two sets of couples - those in their late 30s, where the wife usually makes the appointment as she is upset that her husband doesn't spend enough time with her. And men in their 50s, who complain that the wife spends less time and has a life of her own.
"Nine out of 10 times he is retired. In their 30s, men are busy building their career, so he spends less quality time with his partner," says Bhaskar. "The wife either complains or reconciles to it, and soon develops her own circle of friends, and picks up hobbies, so she would have developed a routine of her own by the time he retires."
Counsellors and divorce lawyers usually see if there is scope for reconciliation. "We counsel them or send them to the mediation centre and see if they can live together, especially if there are children involved," says Kannadasan.