HEART ADVICE: Will asking her to be my girlfriend ruin our friendship?
This week we advise a young man who wonders whether to ask his long-time female friend to be his girlfriend. PHOTO/FILE
What you need to know:
Unless you ask, you will never know.
However, if you have been friends for a long time, you may be in her ‘friendzone’ which means telling her how you feel may actually damage your friendship.
I have been friends with this girl for a long time and any time we are home for the holidays we spend a lot of time together. I have feelings for her but I have never told her. I think about her and even dream about her a lot. I want her to be my girlfriend, but I’m not sure how she will react to my proposal and whether my proposal will ruin our friendship. Should I just ask her to be my girlfriend or should I keep my feelings to myself? And if I do ask her, how should I go about it?
READERS’ ADVICE
First of all, she cannot be your girlfriend if you don’t ask her; secondly, you cannot know how she will react to your proposal if you don’t ask. Thirdly, you will not know if your friendship will be ruined if you don’t ask and lastly you should not keep your
feelings to yourself. Just ask her and be prepared for any answer. Wishing you all the best. Ogola Anthony Otieno
Having been true friends for some time means you share a lot including personal interests. And anytime a man approaches a woman, there are only two outcomes. It’s either rejection, which we fear most ,or acceptance.
Don’t allow yourself to suffer wondering “what if.” Be open and tell her your true feelings towards her. If she likes you, she might give you positive feedback. Whatever the outcome, it’s better to express your feelings gently, than to keep them to yourself.
And if indeed she is a true friend, even if she rejects your proposal, she will continue being your friend. Nothing will change. Juma Felix
If you cannot think up solutions to every possible scenario, then you are not ready for the next level. Think about every outcome your proposal could elicit and how to deal with a possible fallout. Samuel Owiti
Keeping your feelings to yourself is not doing you any favours. It will always be the elephant in the room. So make your move. Maybe she also has feelings for you and has never told you.
Go on a hike and tell her that you really like her and would like to
share a future with her. Study her reaction to find out if she likes you as well. It’s better to try and fail, than to always wonder what could have been. All the best, brother. Calvin Queens
EXPERT ADVICE
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
Unless you ask, you will never know. However, if you have been friends for a long time, you may be in her ‘friendzone’ which means telling her how you feel may actually damage your friendship.
But considering you spend a lot of time together, she could have similar feelings about you. So how do you go about asking her out? Bring up the idea of being a couple as a joke.
Her response may give you a hint as to whether there is a chance for you to be an item or not. You just need to fish for her views without being obvious.
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
My wife left me in 2005 after I lost my job. Since then I’ve done everything I possibly can to get her back, but all my efforts have been unsuccessful. She left with my three sons.
The boys usually call me to ask me for whatever they need or want and their mother insists she is not behind the calls; that the boys do it of their own volition. She also told me to stop disturbing her.
I need guidance because I’m wondering whether to keep waiting for my wife to come back or to move on, and if I move on will I ever be allowed to interact with my kids again? What should I do?
