Sanam Re movie review: You should stay FAR AWAY from Pulkit Samrat and Yami Gautam's romantic mess!

By Sreeju Sudhakaran
| Updated: February 12, 2016 12:56 PM IST

The film is directed by Divya Khosla Kumar...

Divya Khosla Kumar, the wife of T-Series honcho Bhushan Kumar (I am stressing on this fact, because it's very important), brings her second film to us this Valentine's week, after her ugh debut in Yaariyaan (which was a hit for some reason... When will people learn?). Sanam Re stars Pulkit Samrat, Yami Gautam and Urvashi Rautela in the lead roles. Also Read - Urvashi Rautela opens up about 'I Love You' video; here's what she said about Indian Cricketer Rishabh Pant

Let's see if this film can be that perfect Valentine getaway...okay, who am I kidding? Its not!!! Also Read - Urvashi Rautela is the HOTTEST Versace Baby, and here’s proof – view pics

What's it about Also Read - Urvashi Rautela’s new stills from Doob Gaye will steal your hearts – view pics

Akash (Pulkit Samrat) is a stressed out corporate executive working in Mumbai under a bad bass (a hammy Manoj Joshi). When he gets a call from his mother about the sale of his family photo shop that used to be run by his grandfather (Rishi Kapoor...who definitely got a fat paycheck here!), he leaves everything and goes to meet her. As he returns to his childhood place of Tanakpur (which is a cross between Dalhousie and Ladakh), he suddenly reconnects with his old memories, the moments where a grand dad teaches a precocious little kid about pyaar for some reason, and how Akash met his childhood flame, Shruti (Yami Gautam). But he has lost touch with her for years, and was not able to trace her after that. Back in Mumbai, he loses his job, and his boss threatens that unless he regains a lost contract from a major client, Mrs Pablo aka Akansha (Urvashi Rautela), he won't be reinstated. Akash travels to Canada and enrolled himself in one of the weirdest yoga centres seen in a movie ever, to seduce the client (perhaps he has been watching Mad Men too much!). Due to some strange coincidences (the film is so full of those... That they should have called it Ittefaq Re), Shruti also lands up there. Like a perfect Bollywood hero, Akash ditches Akansha and turns his affections towards wooing Shruti. Then something happens....something more happens...one character has a terminal disease... Something more happens...and the movie painfully reaches its end! Damn, I should have dozed off somewhere in between and still it wouldn't have made any sense!

What's hot

Here I begin the most difficult part of my job....finding tiny diamonds in a messy coal mine! And the movie definitely doesn't make my task easier, as there is very little to scourge. Well, since this section exists in the review...I have to add something here, so let's say that the most likeable part of the movie was Rishi Kapoor in a cameo (though he surely is a creepy grandpa, when he is shown hungrily at the torn poster of the bikini clad lady with his 8 year old something grandson... And he is wasted too!). The locales used are breathtaking and the ladies are hot (Urvashi) and cute (Yami). Girls will find Pulkit getting shirtless a few times, if that's your thing! The songs are pleasant to hear.

What's not

If I came out of the screening and don't remember a single thing about the plot, either I am suffering from Alzheimer's or the plot sucks. But I would rather bet on the latter. The movie is a tackily made potpourri of clichéd scenes, boring melodrama, repetitive scenes (the 500 kadam scene is one hell of a sleeping tablet) and inexplicable character arcs, that's gorgeous to look at but empty within. For a love story, it neither lets us sympathise with the characters and their predicament, thanks to a badly written script. Akash is a a-hole of a character, who ditches his childhood friend for better prospects, then ditches the girl he just seduced for a contract (because hot divorcees are meant to be ditched... And this film is directed by a woman!) for that same friend and then again leaves that friend cos she is dying. Yes, that's the hero of the film. Five minutes into the film, and we see the director gyrating to a badly choreographed song, replete with fake shark fins and a fake Yo Yo Honey Singh as well. In fact all the songs are badly choreographed. The films lifts up several plotlines right from DDLJ, Kal Ho Naa Ho, Serendipity, and for some reason...Katti Batti as well! The film also tries comedy, but if a usually funny Bharti Singh can't make you laugh, something definitely went wrong somewhere. Also, the director is not sure in which era to place her film. Akash is seen donning a bad '70s wig in his teens, but in his adult years, we see someone using whatsapp and Skype. Yet, he doesn't think of tracing Shruti through a simple tool they call Facebook. Shruti is a weird heroine as well, one moment she romances Akash, despite he being with another girl, and the next moment, she leaves him so that fate could reunite them.

As for the acting, Pulkit still tries to exorcise the ghosts of his mentor's acting (you know whom I am talking about) and even replicates his spectacled look from Ready (now you definitely know who I am talking about!). But he lacks none of his mentor's charms. Urvashi's only job is to look hot (good job at that, girl), wear bikinis and lots of make-up and also pose backless. Yami has to look pretty and cry a lot in the second half. Speaking of the second half, I couldn't make a hell of what's happening there. Too many songs, random scenes, disappearing characters, and a WTF climax! I could crib and crib more and more...but I believe u got the gist!

BTW, what's Bollywood director's obsession with farting horses? I happened to see such a scene two weeks ago in Kya Kool Hain Hum 3 and now here as well. Please spare the animals for PETA's sake!

What to do

Watch this film only if your intention is to break up with your partner on the most romantic day of the year!

Rating : 1.0 out of 5

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BySreeju Sudhakaran
| Updated: February 12, 2016 12:56 PM IST