Nature appears mixed up. There are birds like swans who mate for life and insects like bees where the only fertile female is the queen bee and everyone serves her. So, have humans made the wisest choice, asks DEVDUTT PATTANAIK
How many wives should a man have? A more appropriate question would be: how many spouses can a person have? That way the question is not focused on the wants of men alone, but also the wants of women,and even ‘queer’ people. Let us look at nature.The answer is not so simple.There are birds like swans that mate for life.There are animals like monkeys, and lions, where a single alpha male controls a harem of females.There are insects like bees where the only fertile female is the queen bee who mates and everyone else exists to serve her. Snakes leave childrearing to the female, while amongst sea horses, childcare is the job of males.Thus,we see monogamy and polygamy amongst males and females.
Everything is natural. Animals have no choice but to follow their inbuilt instinct. Humans have a choice. One wife or many? One husband or many? In the Old Testament, we see patriarchs like Abraham and Joseph have many wives.
In the New Testament, Jesus is a bachelor; he has no wives.The Quran speaks of the idea of four wives; it also gives property rights to women. In Greek mythology, Zeus has one wife called Hera but has children by many nymphs. Aphrodite has many lovers; Hera remains faithful to one husband, while Athena and Artemis choose to be single, Artemis even preferring the company of women. In Hindu mythology, Rama has only one wife (ekam-patni-vrata), while Krishna has eight chief queens and 16,100 junior queens. People argue that the 16,100 junior queens are just a metaphor. Shiva has one wife, we are told, but in Tamil temple lore, he has two: Ganga and Gauri, one who sits on his head and the other who sits on his lap. Vishnu is associated with Shridevi and Bhu-devi and Tulsi, all considered forms of Lakshmi and sometimes, he is associated with Saraswati and Lakshmi.
In most stories, the woman has only one husband, or maybe two, after the first husband dies, as in the case of Mandodari, wife of Ravana, who remarries Vibhishana, and Tara, wife of Vali, who remarries Sugriva, or Surpanakha, who having lost her husband,Vidyutjihva, seeks a husband in the forest and comes upon Rama and Lakshmana. With regard to polygamous women, Draupadi is the most famous. She is constantly reviled for having five husbands, but no one reviles any of the five Pandavas, each one of whom has multiple wives. There are references to Jatila who has seven husbands and Marisha who marries the ten Prachetas brothers, simultaneously, but we do not have their stories.
Then there are queer stories of Bhangashvana and Ila who have both husbands and wives and so have children who call them father and mother. Thus, there is acknowledgement of people and relationships that do not fit into the ‘heterosexual’ or ‘normal’ framework. For centuries, devadasis were allowed to have multiple lovers and were venerated. Then, following colonial rule, they were declared prostitutes.
For centuries, Nair women had multiple relationships with multiple men.Then, following colonial rule, the practice of sambandham was outlawed. Until the 20th century, Hindu men were allowed to have more than one wife, but this was changed by the Indian nation state. Muslims in India were allowed four wives, but the law has now changed, favouring monogamy and declaring polygamy as being not integral to the religion. In Muslim majority countries like Pakistan, Indonesia and Turkey, state disapproval of polygamy practices is relatively easier than in secular states. Tribes of India have various marriage practices that do not subscribe to norms of monogamy and attempts by the state to regulate them is seen as interference in their culture.Mormon Christians of America once practised polygamy but not any more.
Divorce and remarriage still remain contentious among conservative Catholics.Gays and lesbians are fighting for the right to marry; the US Supreme Court has accepted it as their fundamental right. In India, the court does not consider LGBTQ rights as human rights and the parliament refuses to even discuss them; so they exist in limbo. We will never know what is ‘appropriate’conduct for a society.Mythology simply reflects the various permutations and combinations of society,and nature offers us all possibilities. What is ‘right’? Morality is a function of the times we live in, and notions of appropriateness change with time.What was okay for our ancestors is often not okay for us and vice versa. Each one has to decide.The people involved have to make choices. A simple thumb rule can be that if there is violation of human rights, abuse or violation of one of the partners, then the state can and should interfere. But for that we need a state that is more mature in matters of gender, sexuality and relationships.
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