In his memoirs, Ulysses S. Grant (his given first name was Hiram) writes of single-handedly forcing the rooftop surrender of 10 thirsty, battle-weary and discouraged soldiers during the Mexican War. They knew, Grant wrote, “I had them surrounded.”
That brought to mind the halftime words of CBS NFL studio panelist Bart Scott within Saturday’s Chiefs-Patriots game, which the Pats were winning, 14-6. “Kansas City,” Scott concluded, “is right where they want to be.”
Yup, it was CBS’s turn, Saturday, to take us on television’s rollicking, relentless sojourn sideways and backwards. Let’s start with the Villanova-Georgetown game, which as it grew closer and later, was made more difficult to watch.
The first common-sense thing we would remind our TV troops about basketball — with the clock moving, stay on the court, doubly so late in close games — apparently never has been advised by any executive producer in my 35 years assigned to this column.
Georgetown, making a run from 12 down, was trailing by four with 5:58 left and in a full-court press after scoring. I can virtually guarantee that at that point, no one at the game was focused on Georgetown’s cheerleaders or its bench. But we were. That’s what CBS chose for us.
The game stayed close, so CBS also determined for us that the last minutes were the best time to distract and obstruct with as many needless, senseless, brainless statistical graphics as it had accumulated. With Villanova’s lead down to three, we were involuntarily forced to read such things as “Game Trends: “Ties — 2, Lead Changes — 2. Biggest lead — Nova, 12.”
We were barely able to see what “Hollerin” Kevin Harlan was hollerin’ about!
Next, CBS’s Chiefs-Pats game. Several weeks ago, CBS reinvented the flat tire by presenting “CBS MULTIVISION,” three small different-angle replays of the same play — all at once. Don’t try that at home, kids! CBS took seriously what should have been presented only as satire.
This Saturday, CBS displayed a graphic that reasonably would take 30 to 45 seconds to read, let alone consider, then gave us five seconds to get the job done.
It wasn’t enough to tell us the Patriots opened with 10 straight pass plays; it wasn’t enough to trust that we saw it. CBS wanted us to read all about it, dropping a multi-colored graphic tracking each of Tom Brady’s 10 passes and what had come of them.
Again, CBS had that graphic up for five seconds.
In the fourth quarter, the Chiefs, after a timeout before a fourth-and-10 from their 49, threw a long pass that was — incredulously — intercepted by defensive back Duron Harmon, who then ran out of bounds at his own 23. The pick, although celebrated by the defense, would have cost New England 28 yards, had the play stood (it didn’t because it was ruled incomplete after a review).
Crazy! With time for Patriots coaches to advise professionals to merely knock down such a fourth-down pass …
But rather than be blown away by such a play — and later, when the Patriots, up seven at midfield with a minute left, threw a risky pass — analyst Dan Fouts didn’t express an opinion beyond mild curiosity.
Perhaps Bart Scott was right: The Chiefs had the Patriots surrounded.
Going to school, but not learning
Watching and hearing 32-year-old West Virginia man “Pacman” Jones in his latest semi-literate (“I will apologize [to Antonio Brown] if he don’t play”) campaign to excuse his latest rank misconduct makes us wonder whether the regents at West Virginia — or any of 150-plus colleges that serve as fronts for football and basketball teams — feel shame, or at least some remorse and regret, for recruiting, with full scholarships, and then failing to educate or even socialize such “student-athletes.”
Or is such use, misuse and abuse of young, athletic humanity a given — even if winning ballgames by any means does not appear in any school’s charter?
By the way, the Grizzlies’ Matt Barnes, 35 and still talking junk like a high school punk, is a UCLA man.
So Aaron Rodgers is being rendered exhausted and ineffective by a relentless rush against a porous Packers offensive line, yet NBC’s Cris Collinsworth, late in the first half, concluded that the Cardinals’ defense was suffering “fatigue.” That’s like telling the battered boxer that if he takes a few more shots to the head, he’ll make his opponent’s arm weary.
On the next play, Rodgers was rushed from the pocket and, on the run, threw out of the end zone. The next play, he was rushed hard and, again, threw it away. The Packers then kicked a field goal.
Prostate cancer-beater Ed Randall’s good works in heading “Baseball Fans For The Cure” continue Tuesday as he hosts “An Evening With Brian Cashman” at the SVA Theater on West 33rd Street. Details are available at fans4thecure.org or 866-446-CURE.
Giants’ McAdoo in good, ill-suited company
New Giants coach Ben McAdoo has strong company among renowned, ill-dressed Americans. Generals William Tecumseh Sherman and Douglas MacArthur wore old, baggy uniforms. And Adlai Stevenson famously was photographed, one leg draped over the other, to reveal a large hole in the sole of his shoe.
It was mostly a strong game from FOX’s Troy Aikman on Sunday, when he first noted how Panthers tight end Greg Olsen’s block took out the left side of the Seahawks’ line on Carolina’s first touchdown, then suggested “some kind of play action” on a late first-quarter third-and-inches. Cam Newton’s play-action pass to Ed Dickson went for 16 yards.
Watching while Carolina was up 31-0 recalled sagacious Mike Francesa’s “I’ve been pointing to this game for weeks” Tout of the Year: Thanksgiving’s Cowboys at home over “they’re not that good” Carolina. The Panthers won that one, 33-14.
In quick-take host Bill Pidto and a group of alert editors and video gatherers, MSG’s “In 150,” makes good time of the Rangers’ between-periods kill time. Thursday’s included footage from Martin St. Louis’ No. 8 being retired by the University of Vermont — and Pidto’s reminder that undrafted St. Louis is a likely Hall of Famer.
Signs of the times: Before the once-obvious was confirmed by replay review — the Packers’ Jeff Janis had in fact caught a touchdown on the last play of regulation — NBC left for commercials.
Whattya think St. Louis Rams fans were thinking as they watched “Football Is Family” NFL image ads on Saturday and Sunday?
On Friday, NFL Network butchered its spliced-together found-tapes presentation of Super Bowl I (which then was called the AFL-NFL Championship) with typical TV excess, loading the telecast with seven intrusive studio analysts.
The final 1:22 of Villanova-Georgetown on Saturday ran a mere 12 minutes.
ESPN Being ESPN: “Cards now 4-5 in Saturday playoff games.” Important to know.