Parenting is no child's play

As an actor, working two shifts daily over long periods was normal for her. Managing crazy work schedules was something she had been doing all through her career. So when it came to being a mother, Bollywood actor Sonali Bendre thought she was all prepared to be a hands-on mom.

But as they say, parenting is no child's play and soon she found it out. In her own words, she says, it was nothing less than a hair-raising roller coaster ride - having its share of emotional highs and lows.

"There is so much pressure that we put on us to be perfect (flawless) moms. It's a myth that makes us feel guilty all the time. There is no need for this. Parenting is also your personal journey as a parent, in which you learn and grow with your child," says the actor-turnedwriter. Sharing her experiments with parenting in her book The Modern Gurukul, the actor candidly talks about the challenges she faced while raising her son Ranveer in this digital age.

THE CRAZY RIDE
Ask any parent about parenting and pat comes the reply - it's tough work. Some call it their life's biggest challenge while other say it's the hardest thing they had ever done. A child brings a tectonic shift in one's life. And everything changes with it. "The thought of shouldering the huge responsibility of parenthood can be daunting," says Dr Anupam Sibal, Group Medical Director and Senior Pediatrician, Apollo Hospitals Group. Indeed, it is physically, mentally and emotionally demanding.

Also read: Actor-turned-author Sonali Bendre calls writing a 'surreal' experience

If not the easiest, the most sensible route to take stress out of parenting is to 'adapt to the change'. "There are no shortcuts to parenting. You have to learn it step by step. You need to let go of your inhibitions and presumptions and simply walk with the child," shares Bendre. Each parent-child relationship is unique in its own ways so there is no 'one-blanket' rule for everyone. Parenting, today, requires a lot of understanding and manoeuvring. "Do not look at it as a job or task, expecting rewards at the end. It's not an eight-hour shift; you are a parent 24x7," says fashion designer Sagarika Mittal Goyal.

THE DIGITAL AGE
"Parenting is even harder now as the world has changed so much. There is a lot of peer pressure to acquire gadgets, which gets stressful for both kids and parents," says Dr Sibal. Internet has become an indispensable part of our lives today.

"When I was growing up there was no Internet whereas my son doesn't know the world where Internet wasn't so easily accessible. So it would be unreasonable and impractical on my part to expect him to live without Internet. It's me who need to adapt to it," says Bendre. It is very important to talk to the child about pros and cons of technology and Internet in a fun and interesting way. "When my son Devaang expressed a desire to buy an iPhone, I thought it would be a good time for him to learn about the highs and lows in the life of Steve Jobs," writes Dr Sibal in his book Is Your Child Ready to Face the World? He further adds that there have to be 'do and don'ts' such as no gadgets at meal time, limitation of screen time, no giving out information to strangers, no setting up meetings with those befriended on social media.

NAILING NUTRITION
Making kids eat healthy food is one of the toughest tasks that every parent faces. According to experts, catching them young works the best. "Start giving them all kinds of healthy foods six month onwards. It is the time when you can make them develop a taste for veggies. Also, parents need to understand that they need to eat healthy too. Limit the use of sugar and carbs at home," says Dr Vandana Kent, Senior Consultant, Pediatrics, Rockland Hospital, New Delhi. You need to lead by living healthy life.

Also read: There is no formula for parenting, says now-author Sonali Bendre

As they grow and start eating on their own, it's time to get creative and make food interesting. "The trick lies in changing the appearance of the home-made healthy parantha or roti while making it super delicious and interesting. The kids will not only love to eat these innovative recipes but also take pride in sharing them with their peers. For instance, a roti can be made into quesadillas or a wrap filled with sauted exotic veggies, bell pepper and mozzarella/ cheddar/parmesan cheese and grilled to perfection for that yummy treat," suggests Rajneesh Wakhloo, regional head for a renowned entertainment brand and a passionate home-chef.

BOND OF LOVE
Experts believe that instead of worrying about how to be a successful parent, parents should actually focus on how to nurture the bond of love with their kids. "Modern-day parenting has its share of pressures and stress. From soccer to ballet, parents are often stressed with the choices they have to make for their kids. Also, there is the stress of their own lives. These all get added up in the end and often lead to an emotional outburst. And you feel totally frustrated," says Goyal, adding that worrying too much never helps.

BALANCE IT
"I am a liberal parent but at the same time I know where to draw the line," says Bendre. Gone are the days of being a helicopter parent when you can control everything by hovering over their heads. "You need to shift from the 'what they should do' to things 'they could do'. Be their guide but let them choose," she adds.

Kids need to kept emotionally happy. "Focus on the 'we-time'. Talking helps so much. Be a good listener and do not try to judge them," Bendre suggests. Whatever your style or way of parenting is, do not forget that kids are tender souls and are extremely perceptive. All the experiences of childhood are going to have lifelong impression on their mind and soul. They learn more from what you do than what you teach.