Becoming who you want to be
Two neuro linguistic programming experts are propagating alternative kinds of being
For four days, a disparate group comprising entrepreneurs, young professionals, doctors, lawyers and life coaches have all collected at a hotel. They all want one thing — to learn a structured methodology that will help overcome shortcomings and fears, while reversing patterns of thinking and deeply embedded beliefs. Antano Solar John and Harini Ramachandran are teaching them neuro linguistic programming, an approach to personal development, communication and psychotherapy, created in the 1970s by self-help trainers Richard Bandler and John Grinder in California.
Harini puts it simply — “Neuro linguistic programming (NLP) is about using your body, neurological processes and your language as instruments to programme yourself, to be the person you want to be. NLP is something that was modelled on how geniuses do what they do and on what sets them apart. That’s how the field evolved.” Whether it’s influencing somebody in the context of a casual meeting or making certain changes within yourself, NLP techniques are meant to help. A deeper elicitation would help you make long-term changes. Antano and Harini together take Mirror through four such techniques.
MMM: Mapping Many Manners
Most times when a salesperson goes in to make a pitch, he or she has preconceived notions about what is going to work or what is not. They have almost all their lines prepared. “Unfortunately, humans are not that robotic,” says Harini. What you need to do is understand the map of the next person’s world. In NLP, it is called an unconscious rapport and you do this by applying micro-muscle mirroring (MMM). “Note,” warns Harini, “that this is not what we know as mirroring because that would suggest that I am imitating someone.”
In MMM, that reproduction is meant to be a lot deeper. Here, you start with the intention that you are the other person. When you set an intention like that, you’ll invariably mirror your interlocutor. It’s a great technique to apply when you want to learn a new skill. So, if you want to learn how to play the tabla like Zakir Hussain, set an intention that you are him and you are doing what he is doing. “So when you rehearse, micro mirror first and then start practising,” advises Harini. “Initially, it may seem awkward, but over a period of time, if you practise this technique, the rate at which you’ll develop the skill will be much faster and the output will be different.”
Micro-muscle mirroring is something we can do to get the unconscious attention of somebody at that given point. So even if someone comes across as very rigid, stubborn and finicky, begin to understand his or her map. Create a connection by getting into their shoes for a few moments, and make sure you tie those laces tight.
Photoshopping your memory
“Visual sub-modality,” according to Antano, “is related to how you construct your thoughts”. He illustrates his point with an exercise. Let’s say you think of something you like. It could be a pink African daisy. Picture the flower in your mind. Ask yourself how much you like it, on a scale of one to 10. Distance the flower away from you. Think whether your rating changes or remains the same. Now, scale the size down. Rate it from one to 10. Note what happens. Now make the flower less colourful in your mind. “Does it become more or less appealing?” he asks. “Then, put a frame around the flower. Observe what happens. Does it feel vivid and real, or does it seem fake?” Through this exercise, what you have experienced is that even though you are thinking about the same flower, the structure and image of that object affects your feelings about it. “It is how you see what you see,” adds Harini. So, when you are feeling troubled by a bothersome issue, practise this exercise. Instead of fighting the thought, retouch it, Photoshop it in your memory, lean towards the positive and you’ll see that the same thought has a different impact. “What you are doing is not changing the memory, what you are changing is how it makes you feel,” says Antano.
Reversing the terrible
Feeling really horrible? The two NLP experts seem to provide a momentary sense of relief. By applying kinaesthetic modality, they suggest you should think of a wonderful experience from your past. Shut your eyes and relive the moment. Observe the physical sensations you feel in your body. Ask yourself if you feel lighter or heavier. Which part feels the lightest? Where does the sensation start? Does the sensation ascend faster or slowly? If, for example, the lightness is moving from your chest to your head, imagine it from a step below, from your stomach to your head and then slowly allow the sensation to spread over your shoulders, and observe the effect it has on you. What you’ll figure is that the intensity of the feeling becomes stronger than your memory. “So, when you are feeling terrible, pay attention to how you are feeling and where is the feeling emerging from. Find out the direction in which it is moving and reverse it ,” says Harini.
Training Pavlov’s dog
Heard of the Heard of the Pavlovian experiment, where each time the dog was about to be fed, a bell rang? Over time, whenever the bell would ring, the dog would develop the same response as he would for food even though there was no grub around. Technically, this is true of human beings too. Try this experiment. Smile for no reason and hold it for a few seconds. Antano points out, “By practising this method that we call ‘anchoring’, you tend to think of happy memories even if you have no reason to. When you are happy, you smile. The reverse is also true. When you smile, you tend to become happy for no reason.”
(Some names were changed on request)
For four days, a disparate group comprising entrepreneurs, young professionals, doctors, lawyers and life coaches have all collected at a hotel. They all want one thing — to learn a structured methodology that will help overcome shortcomings and fears, while reversing patterns of thinking and deeply embedded beliefs. Antano Solar John and Harini Ramachandran are teaching them neuro linguistic programming, an approach to personal development, communication and psychotherapy, created in the 1970s by self-help trainers Richard Bandler and John Grinder in California.
Harini puts it simply — “Neuro linguistic programming (NLP) is about using your body, neurological processes and your language as instruments to programme yourself, to be the person you want to be. NLP is something that was modelled on how geniuses do what they do and on what sets them apart. That’s how the field evolved.” Whether it’s influencing somebody in the context of a casual meeting or making certain changes within yourself, NLP techniques are meant to help. A deeper elicitation would help you make long-term changes. Antano and Harini together take Mirror through four such techniques.
MMM: Mapping Many Manners
Most times when a salesperson goes in to make a pitch, he or she has preconceived notions about what is going to work or what is not. They have almost all their lines prepared. “Unfortunately, humans are not that robotic,” says Harini. What you need to do is understand the map of the next person’s world. In NLP, it is called an unconscious rapport and you do this by applying micro-muscle mirroring (MMM). “Note,” warns Harini, “that this is not what we know as mirroring because that would suggest that I am imitating someone.”
In MMM, that reproduction is meant to be a lot deeper. Here, you start with the intention that you are the other person. When you set an intention like that, you’ll invariably mirror your interlocutor. It’s a great technique to apply when you want to learn a new skill. So, if you want to learn how to play the tabla like Zakir Hussain, set an intention that you are him and you are doing what he is doing. “So when you rehearse, micro mirror first and then start practising,” advises Harini. “Initially, it may seem awkward, but over a period of time, if you practise this technique, the rate at which you’ll develop the skill will be much faster and the output will be different.”
Micro-muscle mirroring is something we can do to get the unconscious attention of somebody at that given point. So even if someone comes across as very rigid, stubborn and finicky, begin to understand his or her map. Create a connection by getting into their shoes for a few moments, and make sure you tie those laces tight.
Photoshopping your memory
“Visual sub-modality,” according to Antano, “is related to how you construct your thoughts”. He illustrates his point with an exercise. Let’s say you think of something you like. It could be a pink African daisy. Picture the flower in your mind. Ask yourself how much you like it, on a scale of one to 10. Distance the flower away from you. Think whether your rating changes or remains the same. Now, scale the size down. Rate it from one to 10. Note what happens. Now make the flower less colourful in your mind. “Does it become more or less appealing?” he asks. “Then, put a frame around the flower. Observe what happens. Does it feel vivid and real, or does it seem fake?” Through this exercise, what you have experienced is that even though you are thinking about the same flower, the structure and image of that object affects your feelings about it. “It is how you see what you see,” adds Harini. So, when you are feeling troubled by a bothersome issue, practise this exercise. Instead of fighting the thought, retouch it, Photoshop it in your memory, lean towards the positive and you’ll see that the same thought has a different impact. “What you are doing is not changing the memory, what you are changing is how it makes you feel,” says Antano.
Reversing the terrible
Feeling really horrible? The two NLP experts seem to provide a momentary sense of relief. By applying kinaesthetic modality, they suggest you should think of a wonderful experience from your past. Shut your eyes and relive the moment. Observe the physical sensations you feel in your body. Ask yourself if you feel lighter or heavier. Which part feels the lightest? Where does the sensation start? Does the sensation ascend faster or slowly? If, for example, the lightness is moving from your chest to your head, imagine it from a step below, from your stomach to your head and then slowly allow the sensation to spread over your shoulders, and observe the effect it has on you. What you’ll figure is that the intensity of the feeling becomes stronger than your memory. “So, when you are feeling terrible, pay attention to how you are feeling and where is the feeling emerging from. Find out the direction in which it is moving and reverse it ,” says Harini.
Training Pavlov’s dog
Heard of the Heard of the Pavlovian experiment, where each time the dog was about to be fed, a bell rang? Over time, whenever the bell would ring, the dog would develop the same response as he would for food even though there was no grub around. Technically, this is true of human beings too. Try this experiment. Smile for no reason and hold it for a few seconds. Antano points out, “By practising this method that we call ‘anchoring’, you tend to think of happy memories even if you have no reason to. When you are happy, you smile. The reverse is also true. When you smile, you tend to become happy for no reason.”
(Some names were changed on request)
