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Pumpkin beer is objectively bad and you're bad for hating it

There are two types of craft beer enthusiasts. Neither is particularly good or bad, but they are demonstrably different and can be parsed by a simple delineation: Those who tolerate pumpkin beer and those who vehemently despise it.

Hatred for pumpkin beer is absurd, as is hatred for pretty much everything. Hate terrorism. Hate cancer. Don’t hate a probably artificially flavored beer. And yet, since it is a day in a year in which we exist, irrational hatred of pumpkin beer will continue and the world will continue to turn.

There are people who think pumpkin beer is just fine. The fall is the only time some of these people will bother with anything resembling a craft beer and when they do, chances are very high that experience will involve some pun-based label of pumpkin beer. This is fine. Those craft beer enthusiasts who detest pumpkin beer and the people who drink it should make peace with what is about to go down.

AP

AP

The fact is, pumpkin beer opens up a window that will allow a lot of you to talk about other, better beer. That bottle of Pumking in their hand, in all of it’s allspice and cinnamon misery, could lead the drinker to Southern Tier’s real autumn treat, Imperial Oat, or Cigar City’s Märzen, or 3 Floyds Broo Doo, or even a beer actually brewed with real pumpkin, like Rogue’s Pumpkin Patch Ale. At the very least, the mass appeal of terrible pumpkin beer allows craft beer enthusiasts the opportunity to opine about other craft beer.

Yes, I firmly believe that most pumpkin beer is objectively bad to drink. A lot of what makes craft beer interesting and good gets left behind in mid-August when brewers start assaulting grocery store refrigerators with their pumpkin-flavored beers. I don’t like it, but I’m small and insignificant to big craft beer. They already have me hooked.

Pumpkin beer is for the blissfully ignorant, and they deserve to be happy too. Don’t yell at them on Twitter and don’t scoff at their selections. Someone will probably release a candy cane flavored beer in November. Save your outrage for that.

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