Young women make their homes away from home

BENGALURU: "I'm Nayantara. Just Nayantara," she stresses, giving you a fair idea of what independence means to her. The 32-year-old entrepreneur, who runs her own public relations firm, moved out of her mother's home some 15 summers ago. She first went across the country to study, before moving to Singapore. When it was time to return home to Bengaluru, she decided she wanted her own place.
"I've been out (of my mother's place) for so long that even if I wanted to return now my mother wouldn't take me back," she said, laughing.A lot of young women in the city — in their 20s and 30s — are leaving their parental addresses for reasons as varied as sampling life on their own, freedom to live by one's own rules, demands of the job and proximity to the workplace. While it isn't a move every 20-something in the neighbourhood is making, it's a choice the urban Indian woman is increasingly considering. Moving cities and countries to study or work is common, but shifting out of the parental home to set up one's own place in the same city is still considered quite extreme — even in cosmopolitan Bengaluru. Sturdy parental opposition that can swing between threats and emotional blackmail and societal pressure holds a lot of women back, but there is a g rowing number, who're willing to work around it.
Shalini Mohan, a telecommunications engineer, who gave up a high-paying job to pursue her passion, didn't return home after her marriage ended. She decided to live alone.
"The timings I keep make it impossible for me to stay with my parents," says Mohan, a bassist and vocalist, also part of the Bengalurubased folk rock band Lagori. "Some days I have recordings as early as 3am and again practice later in the day. I also teach. I travel some 10 days in a month," says Mohan, who lives with her three dogs — Chinnu, Soda and Lilly .
The one-time techie, who visits her parents who live within a 5 km radius as often as she can, says that initially, her father hadn't taken her move positively. It took some convincing. "Now he visits often," she says, hoping she'll never have to return to her old life of a techie. "I wanted to be financially independent before I could go solo with my music. It was only after I bought my house that I took it up seriously," she says.

File photo of musician Shalini Mohan.
Anoopa Anand, writer and animal welfare worker, stresses that living on your own teaches one coping mechanisms. The 34-year-old, who moved out of her parents' home on her 25th birthday, faced considerable opposition, but is in the alls-well-that-ends-well space today. "Till I moved out I thought breakfast was a phenomenon that occurred when one came out of one's room in the morning. I had never cooked, but within the week of moving out, I knew how to cook every South Indian breakfast dish I liked to eat," says Anand. The best part of living alone she says is making your own decisions, while the worst is to come back home after a particularly taxing day and not having someone ask you about it or make you that soul-saving cup of South Indian filter.
For many wom en living on their own, the move has tightened parent daugh ter re lation ships.
Anand says she visits her parents once every two-three days."We're a huge part of each other's lives. I have a meal with them and hang out with our four dogs there. Over the years, they've understood why moving out was important to me. They're supportive of everything I do. Living apart has also helped us get closer as individuals and not just as parent-child."
Nayantara says her mother's house is one of her favourite places. "It's where I go after a particularly bad day or week or assignment," she said. "If we were living together, I don't know if we would've shared such a great relationship. We respect each other's independence. My mother works, her day starts at 8.30am. So I wake up early when I stay over and we gossip, talk about everything from world issues to the state of our relationship ... and everything in between."