While You Were Offline: Someone Thinks Live Televised Exorcisms Are a Good Idea

Let's take a break, for once, from the antics of Donald Trump and Gawker Media, and instead use this space to think about what's really important: poop. Sure, you think we're joking, but wait until you get to the end of this week's round-up… if you make it past the ghosts, the scientific mistakes and the secret visits to the White House that maybe weren't secret but it's not like anyone ever talked about them, Jon. Oh, and there's also a human ball of poop who bribes people to kill lions, but chances are you knew about him already. Still, like we said: poop. It's what's being served up in this week's highlights of things that might have skipped past you online over the last seven days.

What Happened: A Minnesotan dentist killed Zimbabwe's most famous lion, something that the Internet was, unsurprisingly, unhappy about.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: By now, you inevitably know about Walter Palmer, the Minnesotan dentist who allegedly shot and killed a lion in one of Zimbabwe's national parks earlier this week. It apparently happened because he bribed local tour guides to allow him to shoot the animal with a crossbow, although it's something he now regrets, he's since revealed.

Could it be that his change of heart has something to do with the debate around trophy hunting has gone viral, including calls for and petitions demanding a ban on trophy hunting imports and examinations into why the lion was so beloved by humans? (There were also those wondering why people weren't more upset about other worthy topics, but that's the Internet for you.)

More immediately for Palmer, the man responsible, there was personal fallout to contend with, including a petition demanding he be brought to justice, people protesting his dentistry office and spamming its Facebook, not to mention helping his Yelp reviews to get far worse.

Before too long, the reaction to the reaction was the subject of multiple think pieces. Was this reaction too much? Or maybe it's entirely justified. But does that excuse Internet vigilanteism? (If it doesn't, someone should tell Mia Farrow, who doxed Palmer by releasing his address online, before later deleting her tweet). But what else should we expect for a man Mother Jones called the "worst human being ever in history?

The Takeaway: Palmer's treatment embodies so many things about the Internet and the way it interacts with a subject: the initial outrage, the backlash to the outrage, the online activism, it's all there. None of this matters to Cecil the Lion, of course, but lack of empathy beyond the initial upset is part of the traditional Internet cycle as well, isn't it…?

What Happened: How do you know that a comedian has power? When you find out that he's been secretly visiting the White House to have private meetings with the President of the United States.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: It was a right wing media conspiracist's dream to discover that Daily Show host Jon Stewart had "secret" meetings with President Barack Obama at the White House, while other members of the administration admitted to trying to curry favor with the show. Indeed, as the New York Post memorably put it, it was proof that he's "a partisan hack."

In fact, perhaps it was the fact that revealed a secret agenda about the show (but not, sadly, why Stewart wouldn't talk to Tom Cruise about Scientology. Why, even the New York Times thought it was a big deal!

Not so, said Stewart, who (unsurprisingly) addressed the story onscreen… but not on his own show. Instead, he appeared on The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, joking that he was just there to watch King Ralph, and anyway, that his visits were logged in the visitors book, so they weren't that secret. It was an odd brush with the reality of the political maneuvering behind the all-too self-depreciating show as it draws to a close—and another potentially uncomfortable look behind the curtain.

The Takeaway: This feels like the mother lode of a million future conspiracy theories. Was Jon Stewart the power behind the throne? And if so, then why wasn't the Obama Administration funnier more of the time?

What Happened: Staggeringly, someone thinks that live televised exorcisms are a good idea.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: For those who think that reality television has done it all—wait until Hallowe'en, when Destination America will air a live exorcism. No, really.

Actually, Exorcism: Live!, as the show will be called, will actually air the night before Hallowe'en, so as not to tempt fate too much—although Oct. 30 is also known as "Devil's Night"—but nonetheless, the announcement caught the attention of the news media, unsurprisingly. And why not? It's a live exorcism on television. Who can resist that?

Of course, there's a potential scheduling problem with one of the guests:

The Takeaway: All we're saying is, if someone involved in the show decides to pull the plug and "mysteriously" end transmission midway through the program without explanation, the entire Internet might lose its collective mind.

What Happened: While promoting her new movie, Cara Delevingne took part in one of the most uncomfortable interviews we've seen on television in a long time.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Let's just call this an awkward moment for all involved: Cara Delevinge, promoting her new movie Paper Towns, was interviewed by the anchors of the show Good Day Sacramento, and it went terribly from the very introduction in which she was called "Carla." (Here's a brief synopsis.)

The train wreck quickly went viral, quickly becoming the topic to have an opinion about.

Whoopi Goldberg might not have been impressed by Delevingne, but Paper Town author John Green quickly rushed to her defense. As for Delevingne herself…?

The Takeaway: As someone who's been on the other side of the junket interview, I can only imagine how exhausted and not-having-fun Delevingne was when this happened. It could've been worse, of course; she could have called the Black Widow a slut.

What Happened: Sure, you've always suspected that maybe drinking that can of Coke isn't the best idea. A new infographic explained just why that was the case.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Ever wondered what happens to you when you drink a can of Coca-Cola? This was the week to do so, because of the popularity of an info graphic that detailed just what happens to your body within an hour of drinking that was seemingly everywhere this week. Well, almost everywhere. Definitely all over the Internet, for some unknown reason.

The graphic in question is actually a couple of months old, created for a site called Renegade Pharmacist. But more problematic than its age is the fact that it's not actually correct. When confronted by the facts, Renegade Pharmacist Niraj Naik responded by pointing out that he wasn't the creator of the information in the infographic. "I don’t know exactly how accurate that infographic is for every single person as I was not the original creator of the content, but if you study each ingredient you will find they are metabolised with similar effects that will vary for each individual," he told Buzzfeed. There's some ironic comment to be made here about needing to check out what goes into everything you take into your body or your brain, isn't there…?

The Takeaway: Even though the information on the graphic doesn't exactly check out, that doesn't mean that you should all go and buy yourselves a Coke to celebrate.

What Happened: Why potty train your child like a human when you can do so in the style of Star Trek's logical vulcans?

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs

What Really Happened: Gary Whitta is a man that should be on your radar for, basically, being awesome. He's worked on Star Wars Anthology: Rogue One, he's writing episodes of Star Wars: Rebels, he wrote The Book of Eli, he's consulted on a number of video games including Telltale's The Walking Dead, and his self-published novel Abomination was just recently released. But this week, he unveiled his latest potential project and it's kind of wonderful.

"POOPING IS LOGICAL! is a potty-training book for young children and their parents based on the tenets of Vulcan philosophy as established in Star Trek," he explained on Thursday. It's a book co-written with his wife Leah, with illustrations from Penny Arcade's Mike Krahulik. There's only one problem.

"My agents have reached out to the people at Paramount and Bad Robot, who currently hold sway over anything Trek-related, and they apparently have no interest," Whitta explained. "I’m fairly confident that geeky parents of my generation would be all over a book like this. I can’t imagine a better nerdy baby shower gift. It’s intended to make potty-training—an often arduous and prolonged endeavor at the best of times—fun for both kids and their parents."

Whitta turned to the Internet to raise awareness of the project and prove that there's a market out there for the book… and apparently succeeded.

The ball's in your court now, Paramount. The sticky, smelly ball of poop. Right there. In your court.

The Takeaway: If this means that we can now use "A visit to the transporter room" as a euphemism for going to the toilet, we think we can all agree this is a worthwhile endeavor. (If it's brown, beam it down!)