Why are we not willing to share tables with strangers?

With people barely talking to their neighbours, the concept of sharing tables doesn’t have any takers among Delhiites, who have trust issues, say restaurateurs
Sharing a table with a stranger is something that you must have readily done at a dhaba or in your office or college canteen when you are pressed for time and want to grab a quick bite. But how willing you will be to share a table with a stranger if you are out to have a dinner with friends or family at a restaurant? Chances are, most Delhiites won’t.Sharing your table with a stranger or dining with a stranger is a new concept that started in the city last year.
The idea was to encourage people to invite waiting diners to join them, if they had vacant chairs at their table. Restaurants in the city that welcomed the idea, soon realised that the trend would take time to pick up in Delhi as most people preferred to wait rather than join strangers for a meal. There were hardly any takers for the much-promoted trials also. Gaurav Mehta, a restaurateur who has seen Mumbaikars taking a liking to the concept, says, “Delhiites are very reluctant when it comes to socialising with strangers and they have valid reasons. With increasing number of crime cases in Delhi, people don’t trust strangers. The concept works on trust and people in the city hardly have that. Delhiites who have independent homes in posh localities of South or West Delhi don’t even like interacting with their neighbours, forget having a meal with a stranger. The exceptions are a few from the younger crowd, but restaurants can’t get their business through these exceptions. Some restaurants and food groups in Delhi have curated lunches or dinners where they invite people from different fields without letting them know of other people who will be joining them. It’s a planned activity which is limited to a certain number and profile of people. I don’t think that sharing tables as a concept can become popular here. The reason is that people are cautious, not snooty.” Privacy and security concerns mostly keep people, especially women, away from sharing a table with a stranger. Pooja Gupta* shares an incident when trusting a stranger in a restaurant turned risky.
Pooja was waiting for a female friend at a restaurant in Khan Market, when a guy asked her if he could join her at her four-seater table till their respective friends arrived and he got his own table. “I thought there was no harm and chatted with him till our friends came and they later moved to another table. But when we left the place late at night, we realised they were following us and I had to call my brother to pick us up. I think in Delhi, people still think if a woman talks to a stranger, she is ‘available,’” she says.
Dining alone is not a popular concept here, so in case you are brave enough to join strangers at their table, you will only end up answering probing questions. “There was a couple sitting next to us in a restaurant. When a girl, who was there for lunch on her own, asked if she could join them at their table as the place was packed, they happily agreed. But they kept asking her questions like, ‘Do you have to rush somewhere?’ and ‘Do you often go out alone?’, even though she was not interested in talking,” says Suhas Verma, an employee of a private firm. Akansha Sharma, a DU student who mostly goes out for meals by herself, but has never hared a table with a stranger, says, “It leads to an awkward situation with no one talking if you join a group of three-four people or even two people. People hesitate to talk in the company of strangers, be it a guy or a girl.” Delhiites are also very particular when it comes to table manners, attitude and food preferences, say restaurateurs. “As soon as we suggest that a guest could join someone who is already seated at our restaurant, the judgment and scrutiny begins – how do they look, are they too young or too old and what are they eating? It is very rare that a vegetarian guest will agree to share a table with someone who is eating non-vegetarian food,” says Varun Puri, who recently started a restaurant in Hauz Khas Village. He adds that even at a place like HKV, which gets the “most happening” crowd in the city, the idea of dining with strangers doesn’t mesh too well this crowd. Achint Kapil, owner of another restaurant at Hauz Khas Village, agrees, “Despite the increasing number of visitors here, we don’t see people opening up to the idea of sharing a table. On the weekends, the waiting time for a table at most places can go up to more than 30 minutes, but no one minds. But people will mind and probably leave, however, if you suggest that they share a table with a stranger. They may even tell you that they are not at a dhaba, as most associate the idea of sharing tables with such type of establishments.”
However, this attitude doesn’t hold true for sharing a drink in a bar. “People may share a drink, at times, with people they don’t know, but even then, they won’t really interact with each other. Going out for a meal is still a very personal thing and people don’t want any intrusions. Some people do not even like it if the restaurant staff waits near their table,” says Umang Tewari. If there is one place where people feel the concept can work, it’s Gurgaon – owing to the city’s cosmopolitan culture. “In the last year, many experimental trends have started in Gurgaon – be it in theatres, comedy or dining. There is a huge difference between the Delhi or Noida crowd and the Gurgaon crowd. Since most people in Gurgaon earn well and are well-travelled corporate employees, who may or may not have their families living with them, they look forward to meeting new people. Sharing a table has always worked with corporate employees and is a big hit in cities like Bengaluru and Mumbai,” says Gaurav. Sharing a table can be just an extension of the pop-up meals that have been popular since the last two years in Gurgaon. Kirti Mehta, a self-proclaimed foodie and software engineer based in Gurgaon, says, “The concept of people opening up their house to strangers (by inviting them through social media) is very much like sharing a table with strangers at a restaurant. It has been a huge hit among foodies and if more restaurants take an initiative in Gurgaon, sharing a table will become popular too.”
(*Name changed on request)