The Hubble Bubble
It's two in the morning. My car is stopped at the check point on Kamal Ataturk Avenue at the entrance to Gulshan. "Who are you and where are you going?" "I'm the CEO of Nokia Siemens Networks and I'm going home." I am confident that my designation would draw an end to the conversation. After all, we are a people who take pride in upgradation through association. Just look at the security guards at embassies…
To my surprise, my car is strip searched for fifteen minutes. I am then asked the stern question, "Presume you are aware of the 'illustrious' ladies on the streets? Are you affiliated with their business?"
"Why no!" My shocked response.
The incredulous security personnel search my car for another ten minutes before we are allowed, reluctantly, into the ''Green Zone'. And then my driver, himself tired after a long day, tells me, "Sir, I think you need to wipe your face."
And then it hits me. I am returning from the recording of NTV's Busy Der Easy Show, a reality show where I'm the host. After a marathon recording session, I completely forget to take my make-up off. So picture the scene. A chauffeur-driven nice car entering the 'Tri-State Area', a well dressed, suited-booted gentleman in the back seat with full make-up on – foundation, lipstick, gel and mascara. Perhaps a new, high end variant of the nocturnal offerings of the area, a far cry from the cry of foxes several decades ago, and a far cry from a sleepy, residential area from even the nineties.
Somewhere the flood gates broke. Single family homes are replaced by high-rise buildings with twenty apartments. I pity the sewage pipes, enduring the excrements of twenty families instead of one. And zoning? Forget it. Offices, schools, restaurants, beauty parlors, clinics and banks peacefully co-exist with residences while snubbing at the neat RAJUK sign being crystal clear about zoning. Only a comedy club is foolish enough to bite its losses and closing shop just to set an example of obeying the law.
The winner is, of course, the landlord. Given a choice, one would choose a hijacker over a landlord as one can at least negotiate with the former. "Me Landlord, you [in] chain!" – says the lord of the concrete jungle. And so, be prepared to pay whatever number is pulled out of his behind, that is, of course, if you're lucky enough to circumvent the sign sporting 'To-Let: Foreigners Only'. Then again, that's the safety net as the transient foreigner may not be like some other permanent tenants making their rental homes their own, private abode, thanks to the rental court.
And so, the price of real estate has skyrocketed. Even with 'declining prices', Gulshan is more expensive than the US's Beverly Hills – the only difference, you don't see clothes hanging from balconies at the latter.
The metamorphosis – Gulshan is Gulistan, Baridhara is Jatrabaridhara and Banani is Banana Republic. At least Gulistan and Jatrabari have retained their character.
And God help us if there is an earthquake…
The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned
comedian (by choice), the host of NTV's The Naveed Mahbub Show and the founder of Naveed's Comedy Club.
E-mail: [email protected]
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